View Full Version : Club Trillion
01-21-2010, 01:44 AM
Anyone else read this? It's a blog written by Mark Titus about life as a bench warmer. Usually some pretty funny stuff...
Here's a video he plans on sending to NBA teams: :chuckles:
01-21-2010, 01:52 AM
Just awesome. I wish I could make a video like that. Except I wouldn't dunk, because I can't.
This guy is absolutely hilarious. I've been reading his blog for like 4 months now as he's a fellow OSU student and I heard about it on campus, and he has a lot of Simmons-like qualities about him. He could almost surely make it as a Simmons-like writer after college if the basketball thing somehow falls through :)
Here's my favorite post of his, where he writes to David Stern asking permission to enter the draft.
To Whom It May Com. Stern
It goes without saying that I have had one of the most storied Ohio State basketball careers of all-time, but I’ll say it anyway—I have had one of the most storied Ohio State basketball careers of all-time. I was an integral part of a national runner-up team, which was also the team that set the record for the most wins in a season in school history. I was a slightly less integral part of a National (invitational tournament) Championship team. I was pretty much a non-factor for a team that bowed out of the first round of the NCAA Tournament. See a pattern? The more I play, the more we win. But enough about my accomplishments within a team setting. Let’s take a look at what I’ve individually been able to achieve with nothing more than a little (figurative) elbow grease and a complete understanding of the American Dream.
I joined the basketball team at Ohio State in 2006, basically because I had nothing better to do with my time. When I initially met with Coach Matta to discuss walking on the team, I spoke with an accent and convinced him that I was the best player to come out of Denmark in the past twenty years. Luckily for me, he didn’t realize that being the best player out of Denmark is about as prestigious as being the best looking cheerleader out of Michigan.
I rode this wave of deception all the way to leading the Big Ten in points per shot at 2.5 (Every time I shot the ball—every single time it left my hands and went toward the basket, on average, our team gained two and a half points. Think about that for a second. Now pick your jaw off the ground and continue reading). I continued this dominance through the Big Ten Tournament championship game, where I recorded one steal in one minute of play. By the time the NCAA Tournament rolled around, there seemed to be quite the buzz amongst scouts about my abilities to both throw a perfect chest pass and belch the ABC’s in one breath. Despite the riches that were quite literally dangled in front of my face, I opted to return to school so I could continue to hit on that one tOSU cheerleader that I thought was winking at me the entire season. As it turns out, she apparently just had involuntary spasms in her cheek, but I don’t like that story so I’m sticking with my theory. Nonetheless, I chose to renew my front row season tickets to Ohio State basketball games for the same small fee of getting generally disrespected in practice everyday.
As my sophomore season approached, there was a weird feeling around the locker room. Maybe it was because The Villain found it necessary to awkwardly stare at me in the shower, but more likely it was probably because my two long-time friends Greg Oden and Michael Conley somewhat selfishly chose to go to the NBA and left me all alone in the minors. After the initial shock wore off, I went on to lead the country in both 3 point field goal percentage and overall field goal percentage (minimum of one shot attempt), not to mention my points per shot ratio of 3.0. Feel free to drop that little piece of trivia in a bar and score a free drink from it.
Still, the NBA just didn’t feel right. Despite my achieving individual prominence, our team didn’t make the tournament and a handful of scouts expressed concern about my ability to lead a team. That’s when I got the idea for the blog.
Heading into this past year, it dawned on me that if my basketball playing abilities weren’t up to snuff, the only only other way to get picked up by an NBA team was to do something off the court that could translate into ticket sales in the big leagues. The blog suddenly became my ticket to the big time. If I could write about the shenanigans that goes along with playing basketball, maybe, just maybe, I could build a fan base that would be willing to buy tickets to watch me do my thing in the NBA. Pretty solid idea, right? You can bet your balls it is.
When the internet and I got together and conceived this blog, I was one of the proudest fathers in the world. Like any mildly abusive father, I pushed my child to the limit and when he thought he was doing the best he could, I spit on him and told him to take out the garbage because there are no participation trophies in the real world. Ultimately, my Jake Shuttlesworth approach to fathering turned out to be effective and my blog became more successful than it originally looked like it was going to be. I now have garnered a cult following, known globally as the Trillion Man March, that seems strong enough to follow me to the NBA and help spike season ticket sales for whatever lucky franchise chooses to draft me. Mission accomplished.
In case you can’t follow where I’m going with this particular post, I will make it clear with the next sentence I write. I am choosing to forgo my senior season of college basketball and enter my name, my blog, and my endless amount of marketability into the 2009 NBA draft. I will, however, not hire an agent, leaving the door open for a possible return to the college basketball scene. It really wasn’t all that tough of a decision for me, considering what I have accomplished on the college level. I’ve experienced both the NCAA Tournament and the NIT all the way through, I’ve led the country in statistical categories, and I’ve established myself as the best walk-on blogger to come out of Ohio State in the past two years. The timing just feels right.
I thought about calling a press conference to announce this decision, but I wanted the Trillion Man March to be the first to know. Besides, calling a press conference to declare for the draft is really no different than Michael Scott’s approach to declaring bankruptcy. It makes no difference if you say you’re going to the NBA, because a letter must still be written to the NBA explaining the decision. Here’s what my version of that letter looks like. I plan on sending this to the NBA sometime either Friday morning or afternoon. Enjoy.
To Whom It May Com. Stern,
I would like to forgo my senior season of eligibility and enter my name into the 2009 NBA draft. I would also like to forgo my final year of wearing sweatshirts with my hood up in all my classes, my final year of going to karaoke night at that one bar on campus, my final year of scrambling to find a parking spot at 10:27 because my class starts in 3 minutes, and most importantly, my final year of not making a single dime from my blog.
I’m not sure if it’s customary to write a second paragraph, but then again I’m pretty sure that every other early entrant doesn’t already have a marketing strategy in place for themselves. I’m thinking that we play on my nickname of “The Shark” from the get-go and blare the Jaws theme music as I make my way from the audience to the podium to shake your hand on draft day. From there we can launch a series of commercials where I sneak up on other NBA players and tackle them as a graphic comes up on the screen saying “The Shark smells blood in the NBA water. Or maybe he just smells fear” or something similar. The possibilities truly are endless.
Furthermore, I want to go on record as saying that I vow to never carry a firearm into a night club, and if I do, you can rest assured that the safety lock will most certainly be on. I am also volunteering myself to do every “NBA Cares” commercial, because let’s face it, the guys who do those commercials could really care less if inner city kids can read “Go, Dog. Go!” (By the way, don’t you think P.D. Eastman went a little bit overboard with the punctuation in that title? There are only three words in the title and he’s got three punctuation marks. As a general rule of thumb, you should strive to have a punctuation marks to number of words ratio for your title be less than one. I would know. I’m a writer.) Also, when I’m prompted to donate a dollar at the Wal-Mart checkout line to help combat whatever disease they are trying to fight that particular week, I always do so out of the kindness of my heart and not because I feel obligated to, like about 95% of America consistently does.
Before I go, I was wondering if you could clear the air on a few questions, so that I could get to know you better. Did you really rig the lottery in 1985 so the Knicks could land Ewing? Was Jordan’s first retirement really a suspension for gambling? Who are you cheering for on American Idol now that the blind guy is out? America needs to know these things, Dave.
Your Friend and My Favorite,
Mark “The Shark” Titus #34
P.S.- If I get drafted by a team that has #34 retired or someone already wearing it, you should let my be the first player to have a three digit jersey number. I’m thinking I’ll be number 114, so the back of my jersey will read “Titus 114”, which is a Bible verse that says, “Not giving heed to Jewish fables, and commandments of men, that turn from the truth.” What’s that? You’re Jewish? Yeah, we can scrap that idea then I guess.
Hopefully you all understand why I am leaving and know that I have no hard feelings toward Ohio State. I love tOSU, but my future is calling me and I don’t have voicemail so I kind of have to take the call. There will be virtually no difference in my blogging, seeing as how I’ll do most of the same things at the NBA level, so there’s no need to worry about the future of the blog. I just feel like it’s time to roll the dice and see if any teams out there are interested in a 6’4”, 210 pound blogger who, oh by the way, happens to have a lethal J and is always willing to slide over and take the charge.
As I pursue a career in the NBA, I will continue to blog about the next steps of getting drafted. I’ll fill the Trillion Man March in on how my workouts with some of the NBA teams are going, where I’m projected to be drafted, and how people come out of the woodwork when I’m suddenly about to get paid the big bucks. It should be a fun ride and I’m looking forward to sharing my experiences with the March.
Finally, I want to make it known that if there’s not a little blurb about me declaring for the draft on the ESPN bottom line thing like there is for every other early entrant, I will be none too pleased. For some reason, I have a sick feeling that they will leave me off because I’m a blogger more so than a basketball player. Well I have news for you ESPN. That’s flat out racism against bloggers all over the globe. Put me on the bottom line or prepare to have a blogger mutiny on your hands. The choice is yours. Something like “The Shark tests the waters” should do the trick.
01-22-2010, 11:33 PM
I’m thinking I’ll be number 114, so the back of my jersey will read “Titus 114”, which is a Bible verse that says, “Not giving heed to Jewish fables, and commandments of men, that turn from the truth.” What’s that? You’re Jewish? Yeah, we can scrap that idea then I guess.
06-22-2010, 04:46 PM
Looks like Mark Titus was drafted by the Globetrotters :chuckles:
In Titus, Globetrotters Might Have Secret Weapon
For the past four years, Mark Titus has done a great job becoming the world’s most famous walk-on.
When blogs got hot, he was there with Club Trillion. When lack of playing time didn’t allow him to display his skills, he took to YouTube with one of the most hilarious videos you’ll ever see.
The number of people following him on Twitter? 18,281. That’s roughly double the people following Evan Turner, his Ohio State teammate and likely second overall pick in Thursday night’s NBA Draft.
So when it came to thinking up who the Globetrotters might invite to its tryouts, Titus became a natural.
“We’re always out there monitoring people and his name just kept coming up,” said Globetrotters CEO Kurt Schneider. “In order to be a Globetrotter you need to be a great basketball player, which he is. He’s a dead-on shooter and he does the trick shots. You need to be an entertainer and his stuff on his blogs and his Twitter feed are hysterical and you have to be a good person, which we’ve heard he is.”
In order to make the team, Titus still has to try out at training camp in September, though Schneider admits that Titus’ social media domination gives him a leg up on the competition.
“He can help us get out brand out there even more,” Schneider said. “He comes with a built-in fan base.”
Another positive? Out of all the cities the Globetrotters travel to, Columbus, Ohio — where Titus played (more accurately sat) for the last four years — is one of its most popular stops.
“We set a record there last year,” Schneider said.
Titus said he was rehabbing his shoulder when he got the call from the Globetrotters.
“This guy on my voicemail said I was drafted by the Globetrotters,” Titus said. “I wasn’t sure if it was a joke because I didn’t know they had a draft.”
Titus said the opportunity to perhaps play for the Globetrotters would be a once-in-a-lifetime chance, but he has other things on his mind as well.
He’s currently pitching his book about his years at Ohio State, tentatively titled “Don’t Put Me In Coach,” to publishers. He said that before he got the call from the Globetrotters he was planning on moving out to Los Angeles, where Jimmy Kimmel and Bill Simmons might help him find a job. But he says he has to take the Globetrotters opportunity seriously.
As for his skill set, he’s pretty confident. Titus says he can hit a half court shot about 10 percent of the time. He’s much better at swishing baskets while sitting on the bench and says he’s always good for the over the backboard shot.
“I’ve also practiced with that bucket when people think it has water and it really has confetti,” Titus joked, referencing the familiar Globetrotter trick. “I’m really good at that.”
Schneider said all Globetrotters get a background check, which Titus said he was concerned about.
“I hope they don’t find out about the rec league game I played in in sixth grade,” Titus said. “I was on the Spurs and we were playing the Pacers. In the middle of the game, I stopped at half court, took my shoes off and wanted to quit.”
Somehow I think the Globetrotters, whose Twitter followers number almost 3,000, will see that as an impediment from giving Titus the edge to make the team.
I have been reading this blog for the last year and it is genius. He is incredibly clever and witty when he writes his blogs, and if you don't pay attention you could miss a pretty good reference or joke. He says he is writing a book and I can't wait to read it.
06-22-2010, 07:21 PM
Juice Is Loose
10-20-2010, 06:32 PM
Titus is writing for ESPN Insider about different conferences. If anyone has Insider can they post them, he started with the Big East.
10-21-2010, 12:57 PM
The Big East you don't know
Club Trillion goes inside musket shots, student sections and rising stars
By Mark Titus
Special to ESPN Insider
Hello, college basketball fans. My name is Mark Titus, a former member of the Ohio State Buckeyes. You may recall me from a blog I have called Club Trillion. You may better recall my practice nemesis, Evan Turner, who I affectionately call The Villain.
I'll be contributing to ESPN Insider periodically this season to help offer a player perspective on college hoops. To get things started, let's take a look at the Big East.
When I think of the Big East, I immediately think of a conference that's rich with iconic figures such as John Thompson and Luke Harangody's reverse mullet. I also think about how the Big East Tournament is almost as entertaining as the NCAA Tournament, mostly because it has about the same number of teams. The thing I don't think is that the Big East is the premier conference in college basketball. There are many reasons for this, the most relevant of which is that I don't know as much as I should about the Big East. In an effort to change my perception, I quizzed a handful of walk-ons from around the conference to get a better idea of the conference's best team, best student section, coolest tradition, least comfortable benches and more.
The best team: Pittsburgh Panthers
For the walk-ons of the Big East, the Panthers were nearly a unanimous decision -- and rightfully so. Not only do they return four starters from a 25-win team that tied for second in the conference last season, but as Pitt's starting center recently informed the media, everyone on this year's Pitt team can dunk, including 6-foot walk-on Nick Rivers. In my experience, when even a team's relatively-short walk-on can throw down it's usually a good indicator that the team is more athletic than most.
The best player: Austin Freeman, Georgetown Hoyas
As a junior last season, Freeman was the leading scorer for the Hoyas, even with the No. 7 overall pick in the NBA draft (Greg Monroe) as a teammate. Even more impressive, he managed to lead the Hoyas after his highly publicized diabetes diagnosis was announces toward the latter part of the season. This year, he will undoubtedly be the best college basketball player with diabetes since Adam Morrison, although most experts agree that he won't be able to grow a mustache nearly as awesome as Morrison's.
The best student section: Pitt
Even though "The Oakland Zoo" kind of sounds like a way of describing the entire Raiders organization in recent years, for the walk-ons of the Big East that joint represents the most formidable student section in the conference. With Pitt being the favorite to win the Big East title, it appears that coming away unscathed after facing The Zoo and the Panthers will be a rarity this season.
The coolest Big East tradition: West Virginia Mountaineers mascot shooting the musket
Having played at West Virginia last season, I can attest to this not only being the coolest tradition but one of the most intimidating. I knew exactly when every musket shot was about to happen, but each one still managed to completely startle me. The Mountaineer may want to leave the rifle at home when West Virginia plays Georgetown, though, because as Gilbert Arenas can attest bad things happen when you bring guns into Verizon Center.
The most attractive cheerleaders: South Florida Bulls
I could write a few sentences about how this pick isn't much of a surprise to me, but I'll instead let Rivers explain why this was the obvious choice for the walk-ons.
Insider is examining a few critical issues in several conferences to kick off the 2010-11 NCAA basketball season.
• ACC: Can Barnes make UNC elite?
• Big East: Is Pitt really an elite team?
• C-USA: Will UTEP fall off for Floyd?
• MVC: Can Northern Iowa do it again?
Blue Ribbon: Every team in-depth
"They know how to make them down south!"
Well said, Nick. Well said indeed.
Most comfortable bench: Seton Hall Pirates
Oddly, the South Orange pine also got a vote for least comfortable bench, which ultimately went to ...
Least comfortable bench: WVU
There are two problems in Morgnatown: The chairs the players sit on aren't cushioned enough and the passionate West Virginia fans made the entire experience unpleasant.
Syracuse's Nick Resavy said, "A few water bottles were thrown onto the court during our game. It was definitely not a very comfortable feeling."
The best road trip: Madison Square Garden for the conference tourney
It's hard to pick against a free trip to New York that can last almost a week. After all, there's so much to do in the Big Apple in between the tournament games. What makes the big city so enjoyable for the Big East walk-ons? Is it some of the best shopping in the world, the seemingly endless tourist attractions or maybe the chance to catch "Cats" on Broadway? Nope. It's the abundance of cheap and quickly prepared food throughout the city.
Marquette's Robert Frozena: "There is a McDonald's across the street, which is perfect for those late night McFlurry runs."
UConn's Kyle Bailey: "There are places to eat everywhere. McDonald's late and tacos during the day at Qdoba."
Rivers: "I can taste the gyro trucks now!"
These are some guys who were benchwarmers last year but figure to have a much bigger impact (or at least an impact) this season:
For the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Scott Martin is a candidate. "Scott has the most versatile game I've ever seen," Teammate, Tom Kopko, said. "Inside, outside and mid-range are all viable options for him. He's hungry, too. He's been out two years -- one for transfer rules and the other because of an ACL injury. I definitely see him capable of being a potential double-double threat on any given night."
At Marquette, look out for Erik Williams. Teammate Robert Frozena: "He will be a sophomore this season and has improved a lot from last year. He has gotten a lot stronger, and his mid-range game has improved immensely. He's very active, and will be crucial to the success of the team by coming into the game and giving us solid minutes while the starters are getting a breather."
For the Connecticut Huskies, check out Donnell Beverly. Bailey, who just won the Husky Fun Run (not normally won by walk-ons), said, "He has grown as a leader and player over the past four years, especially playing behind great players like Jerome Dyson, A.J. Price and Kemba Walker. Everyone on the team really looks to him. He has worked hard in the offseason and is mentally and physically ready to make a big impact."
Devin Hill could be an emergent stud for DePaul. His man Jimmy Drew said, "He didn't play a lot last year, but the different style of the new coaching staff will open things up for him."
For Pitt, watch out for Talib Zanna. The name is stellar enough, but Rivers -- he of gyro trucks fandom -- said, "He is a rebounding machine with a tremendous upside. He is finally getting comfortable in the system."
And with the Syracuse Orange, James Southerland could be a beast. Resavy told me, "James is a guy who can fill it up in a heartbeat. He has an incredible shot and he's creative with jump hooks in the lane, etc. He can also run down the floor and catch oops. He could be big for us this year if he continues to develop and fine tune his game. With Kris Joseph ready to start, we are going to need that 3 man off the bench, and James is primed for that spot."
Mark Titus, a former Ohio State Buckeye (a walk-on from 2006 to 2010), is the author and founder of the blog Club Trillion and is a contributor to ESPN Insider.
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