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Dealing with an unwanted divorce as a dude.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information
Good job on getting clean. I don't want to hijack this thread by any means, but I have to tell this story.

So my ex came to get the rest of her shit tonight and this is the last time she should be allowed in the house. She got there before I did and my uncle was there to be a witness for me. She started giving him shit about my family just standing by and doing nothing about me taking my daughter to all night drinking parties or some shit???

My uncle just sat there silently while he waited for me to get there.

I get there and it's about 5 guys loading up a uhaul and bitching. I just sat there and said you guys should be happy that I dragged all this shit up from the basement, you guys have it fucking easy. They were all fine, and then comes the part where my wife had to do her walk through and get all the rest of her shit that wasn't on a list out of my house.

I let her in and we're following her around as she grabs her meaningless little trinkets here and there. Everything is fine until we get upstairs and she decides to start making comments. She makes some comment along the lines of oh our poor daughter has to live in this filth, like my house is ridiculously dirty.

After several comments, I finally pipe up and say she doesn't even have a bedroom at your house so whatever.

That's when it goes downhill. She starts saying that she knows my daughter sleeps with me every night and she knows what I'm about. I just tell her she's crazy and stupid. She calls me a liar and starts making comments about what we went through in our divorce about temporary orders never changing and how I will owe her money soon.

I asked if that was because I make so much more money than her and she responds by saying I will be with another man soon and I'll have his money and I'll have your money too once August hits.

I finally have had enough and I tell her, get your shit and get out cunt.

She makes some more snarky comments.

We get downstairs and her dad comes inside and she makes sure to tell him that I called her a cunt, after of course she pushes at my face in an attempt to get me to punch her. Her dad gets so enraged and starts asking if I'm intimidating her and says I intimidated her our entire relationship. I just respond that no, I'm just calling her a cunt because she's a giant cunt. He's so mad he's foaming at the mouth at this point and I just yell fuck you at him and tell him to get the fuck out of my face.

She keeps making comments and getting shit out of my house and I keep saying yeah yeah yeah.

He finally asks me why I never came to him. I ask him if he's serious. He says you never came to me and I tell him I told you fucking wife and your daughter to have you call me the night they broke in to my house after I won custody. He says yeah, but you never called me. I ask what that would have done when your daughter called me a fucking child molester. He then responds by saying that never happened. I tell him I've got the fucking paperwork that shows she did.

He says you went and got a lawyer because you wanted to fuck her over and she wanted mediation. I tell him why doesn't he talk to our mediator about what a bitch his daughter was during mediation and how she didn't want to go through with it. She then says yeah you were probably sucking the mediator's dick. I say oh so now I'm a faggot and a child molester huh?

She says that she never accused me of being a molester, but my daughter did. She says that she said my daughter said I touched her vagina twice and her dad then start getting in on it. Mind you, this is them yelling that I am a molester at the top of their lungs in the middle of my neighborhood. Her dad starts yelling that I did it and if I ever touch her he'll kill me and I sit there and yell fuck you I'll kill you you son of a bitch. It got so bad that my neighbors all saw what was going on. One of my daughter's friends was asking her mom why people were messing with her friend's dad and her mom came over to invite me over to the house after they left. She even called my ex a cunt.

I just really want to do something at this point. I'm pissed that there really isn't any justice and this bitch can just keep throwing this out there when the lawyers, magistrate, judge, mediator, children's services, children's hospital, all found it was bull shit. I feel like my only recourse now is to possibly sue her, but I don't know. I'm just pissed as hell and want to curb stomp her and her father and her mother and her sister.

Her dad was so upset that he bled all over my house for some reason. I don't know if he scraped himself on something or got a nose blead

I went and told him that the reason I couldn't go talk to him is that he just believed anything she said and called me a molester and there is no way that I can deal with people who do that shit and he flipped out again. I really just wanted to smash his face in to a pile of mush.

I'm so pissed. How do I get justice on this? You'd think there is a way to keep people from just saying whatever they want about you
 
How did you end up marrying that crazy broad in the first place? God damn that bitch is insane.
 
No, she was always crazy, but it was once every three months and I always thought it would just fade or stop after a certain criteria was met. Now she doesn't have an off button.
 
FlaCavsfan1, I am so fortunate so far how my wife is handling this with me. I am gonna end up screwed on alimony cause I bring in 81 percent of household income. A very well off family member has offered me a large vacant house of his to stay at when I got to move out, which is a huge blessing. I couldn't imagine my wife being crazy through this. Her family cant stand me, but they have kept their distance as I have had mine keep their distance. This is between me and her to work out. I feel for ya bro, not much advice to add, but remember it is best to accept what you cant control and move on to things you can control.


Shooting this out, that really made me come to terms. My best cousin told me last night, if she was my true soulmate, and really loved my like a wife should, she would of stood behind me and supported me. It is true and helped me drop her of the pedestal that I have always put her on. I am starting to see that I am growing into something she will not be compatible with, and I won't be truly happy with her, although the pain she caused me, led me to getting my life back on track. I guess, I will always owe her that, but we just were not good for each other. She enabled a lot of what I became.
 
Ok, my brain is working like it used to. I wont go into details, but I talked to an attorney on Wednesday. She got kind of mad at me, for being so easy on her. Well that kind of planted a seed, and the part where she explained how the kids would dread to leave their friends to see Dad every couple of weeks was going to suck for me. How my young daughter would be full of drama in couple of years and 48 hours with her every two weeks would be hell. That planted a seed. My real good friend, who knows everything, got on my case. He knew my father, and after beating me up for not fighting for my kids, he pulled, I know what your father would of done.

Well, last night, with my wits back, I proceeded to turn the tide a bit. Deep down, I know it wont change a thing in the long run, but she did not see what was coming for the first time since she asked for this Fucking divorce. The book has predicted my every previous action. Anyways, I was smooth as Paul Newman and told her she is the one that wants it, than she is the one that goes. I am not walking away from my kids. I told her, she would end up regretting that I quit the pills, cause I give a fuck now. I know, I won't win in court, but I have to show my kids that I will fight for them. I did convince her that most of what she is basing the divorce on will be hearsay. I haven't felt this good in years. I have chosen the tougher path, but I feel it is the right path, and that is the first time in a long, long time, that I have chosen the tougher path without being cornered into it.
 
Read my divorce dissolution thread. You'll learn a lot about the process both good and bad, but get ready for potential hell.

My ex tried to dictate everything in the divorce and I had to go through tons of shit but I made it through. I'm going to give you tips on preparing for the worst.

Do not leave the family house. You leave, it pretty much says you don't care.

Have a lawyer.

Separate all income now. If a card or an account has duel access, shut it down or clear it out. You will have to prove financials in court but until you're divorced, she could also just clear you out and most divorced get settled before trial. My ex just took whatever she want and I know tons of guys that have been cleaned out.

Document, document, document. Remember, think of that anything you say can and will be used against you. Document every response you can. My wife and I pretty much spoke through text and I saved everyone and backed it up to email. This is to prove how you interact and if she's being as fair as shell say

Be prepared to have your name drug through the mud. Any negative on your behalf is going to be exaggerated exponentially. You had a little problem w pills? Sounds to me like you were a junkie wandering the streets looking for a fix. Spending up the family fortune on doctor shopping and seedy back alley deals to support your habit. Your wife has probably had money missing from her purse, a bill for the kids wasn't paid on time because the money was missing. Do you get where I'm going here?

Get yourself and your name as clean as possible. If you have people around you or the kids that could be a negative, don't have them around. Be prepared for up to a hair test ASAP. The court, judge, magistrate, a guardian ad litem if appointed can all ask for drug testing. Hair tests can go 90 days so either have a reason to have something in your system or don't have it in your system. This goes for any other negative to but we don't know anything else because you haven't disclosed it.

On the opposite side, font have negatives on her, just have positive witnesses for you. Someone who knows you're a good father and can site specific reasons. Best thing I probably did was have the babysitter, pediatrician, neighbors in my back pocket that were willing to testify that I was involved in the child's life in x way.

Instead of going after her, I made a positive case for me. The court knows things get nasty and some people can't help themselves but to tear at another person. Always show that you're taking the high road and just want what's fair.

Here's what can be expected to be fair and be ready for it. Don't fight over money, be reasonable. Expect to pay support. It's a mathematical equation so ve prepared to pay whatever the CSEA says. Start paying for certain things and be prepared to demonstrate to the court what you provide. They take your incomes, expenses paid for the kids, and plug it in a system. The more custody a person has weighs heavily.

Be prepared to pay off half the house, joint debts, etc.

Want half time w the kids. She'll push for every other weekend dad. Do not give in and show you do not accept anything less.

There's too much and I have to get my kid to cosi. Just read the eayor divorce dissolution thread and you'll see tons of scenarios and how they played out.

Pm me with any questions or advice I can give.

Source 2 year battle with the ex
 
Oh yeah, you don't owe support until the court orders it. You won't get credit for it if you pay so you might as well not give her money. Pay for any expenses yourself though. You don't want it to show your kids suffered because you wouldn't pay.

My lawyer made a great point. Back support is money that can be repaid. Lost time with your children can never be made up.
 
Any money or items given to her is considered a gift in the eyes of the court.
 
Fla Cavs fan that is good to know. After I reversed some things last night, She is acting totally different, like warming up to me today. I have been through to much to get my hopes up, that she would want to keep the better me around, but I threw the hammer down pretty hard last night. I just don't know what to think, did she call her lawyer cousin and she told her to get back in better with me, so I would soften up again. She even gave me a hug and kiss on the check and offered to come back from her family tonight, where she has been planning to stay the night and go to church in the morning. Maybe I got a chance to work back into her heart or is it just part of this crazy game? I know, I haven't felt this good in years.
 
Fla fan I am sitting here at home looking for new bands to share on the indie thread. Home alone, after working on the house bout all day. I was going to go to a singles party/dance, but just not ready to even go and look around. Behaving is my new addiction. That and working and getting things done.
 
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