Drug addiction/sobriety

[The Human Q-Tip]

Everything you've described so far suggest you are doing this completely on your own. That makes it possible, but Nicky has a point. Even sitting and listening to other people with the same issues can give you extra strength by not making you feel alone. Never even smoked weed myself, but oddly, I'm pretty close with some folks who had major issues. They tended to be somewhat of an addictive personality anyway, so they needed to find other things as an outlet. One of those things was being "addicted" to their recovery, and that included meetings.

But unfuck your life dude. It's not going to come around again.

 

[Adam]

David, i applaud you for deciding to do the 'boring' thing. I have no first hand experience but lots of second hand experience. Feel free to ignore me but I feel like after reading you posts for so long and getting to know an aspect of you i have to kind of agree with @The Oi . The mindset of making exceptions is very dangerous. The talk of 'i need to do this because of X Y Z which is different to others' or 'once this happens, then i will do X Y Z' is a slippery slope. @Nicky is right, most people need to get support to succeed. I get why you might not want to do that right now, but at least get some contacts in place so when you do choose to make the leap its just a phone call away.

Good luck, regular sober life is boring sometimes, but its very constructive and before you know it you can look back and feel you are really making connections

 

[Randolphkeys]

Legit question: Do you have health insurance? I know California Obamacare ended up being expensive, a friend went that route recently.

I ask because most rehab programs accept health insurance. You are in a great position to use health insurance as a free vacation, and get the help you need, and get clean before becoming employed. I know people who have a hard time walking up to their boss and saying, "Sorry about all my responsibilities, I'm going to rehab. Hang onto my job until I get back."

But you can use health insurance and get right before your career begins, health insurance footing the bill.

Think about it, and I've been pulling for you to get right for a long time. I want to see it happen.

 

[Pick6]

Here's the immediate rub

I'm not. Not. A 9-5er which means accounting is an awful choice.

I am giving up freedom to spend my life in a cubicle, to work for other people, and be on their strict schedule that takes up a majority of my waking moments. I've managed to be self sufficient for.. I think it's been five years since my last sales job I couldn't finagle to be work from home

Big rub.

But that's only one option and I can find something in my field that is more in line with me if I try, I'm sure

You should be able to get 70-75k as new hire at a B4/national accounting firm. I assume you will graduate with enough credits to sit for CPA. Multiple options for what you can do..whether it be in consulting, audit, or tax. You'll do a ton of traveling in consulting and audit. Not so much in tax, but it depends on the specialty group you're in.

I guess I don't really understand the whole 9-5 comment in general, not just to you. Chances are you no matter what you're doing you're either working that or swing shift. Give me day shift over afternoons or midnights any time....Plus its more like 9-9 for nearly half of the year and 9-4 the other. You can work from home depending on whats going on. I know people who work from home nearly half of the time. My experience is that most everything is pretty flexible as long as deadlines are met.

You really are only a slave until you make senior. Once that happens, you have the power to give yourself more flexibility. I know a director who comes in at about 11 everyday and leaves at 5. Besides the job, there are always some networking events going on..whether it be internal, trying to sell work, some non profit event, etc.

I don't know man..you can do a ton of different things as a CPA. I think its worth it to suck it up for a few years. You really have the power to make your own career in public, have job stability, great room for advancement and salary increases. However, it may not be a good choice considering the adderall issues. I wasn't uncommon for me to rely on it when studying for the exam/dealing with the heavy workload the first few years.

 

[Real Deal]

I know a few heroin addicts, and yeah I'm done trying to get them help. I gave up caring about their life and how it could effect others. I love them, but why should I continue to care about them if they don't care about themselves? One minute they're sober as they say, then next minute they're doped up. In and out of 'beds'. And truly I don't even know if those meetings work, if they're still destined to do it, they'll just make friends to do it with.

Heroin is the worst drug, there is no cure. I don't wanna get to in depth, but let's just say this drug was chosen over wife and kids. It's sickening.

Anybody else experience this situation?

 

[FiveThous]

I know a few heroin addicts, and yeah I'm done trying to get them help. I gave up caring about their life and how it could effect others. I love them, but why should I continue to care about them if they don't care about themselves? One minute they're sober as they say, then next minute they're doped up. In and out of 'beds'. And truly I don't even know if those meetings work, if they're still destined to do it, they'll just make friends to do it with.

Heroin is the worst drug, there is no cure. I don't wanna get to in depth, but let's just say this drug was chosen over wife and kids. It's sickening.

Anybody else experience this situation?

I'm fairly certain something like 95% of folks in the "program" fail. You're basically admitting the drug of choice has control over you and you're warping your mind into believing by using the "program". I don't have any science behind this but I'd guess you're just as likely to quit drugs flicking yourself in your genitals daily and saying I'm done with that drug of choice of mine as you would be actually succeeding in a 12steps program.

http://www.npr.org/2014/03/23/291405829/with-sobering-science-doctor-debunks-12-step-recovery

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

 

[David.]

I'll say what I think some others are thinking and that's why this thread just jammed up without any replies for a while.

And then I'm going to leave it to you to do what's best for you, because I'd REALLY like to see you be healthy. I'd say this by PM, but you've said you don't read them so I'm saying it here.

I feel like I just read a shitload of excuses from you for why you aren't getting help in the traditional way that others have succeeded in beating addiction. Maybe because it's harder or because of pride or whatever. I don't know because I'm not an addict and I'm not an expert in the topic.

In any case, seriously...good luck. I do mean that.

I'm night and day better than a month ago. Even two weeks ago, I would work a morning shift and be exhausted and go home and sleep until the next day. I haven't napped our even been home during the day in the last two weeks. I am either working out, playing basketball or at the dog park actively engaging with other people.

I fully accept the possibility of lying to myself to continue a habit. However, I fucking hate my job now that I don't get high and would love an alternative and have chosen to sell 90% of my drugs (ultimately killing two birds with one stone: 90% decrease in usage and when paired with the other job I'm putting more hours into, coming up with even more money during the week).

I don't use for the hell of it. I have a job, and I can't bear it sober.

I was literally told not to come if I was still using. If I don't use, I won't work. I actually just put down an NA book.

A rigid program may be beneficial to those who only see things in black and white, and a simpler resolution for even those who don't, but circumstances aren't lending themselves to doing that and I'm doing really well realizing what I'm able to do, and where I generally want to be

I'm being defensive, I know everyone means well, and yes the possibility of issues returning are present. However.. You guys don't understand what I was doing before, where I was mentally and emotionally, what happened when I'd mess up (..I started writing it down on a weekly basis.. Every weekend could have a book written about it) and how life is now.

My dad hit rock bottom when he blew a .45 and we found him in.. Let's just say unnervingly bad condition. He stopped drinking five years ago. He kept up addiction with cigarettes, then quit and moved to nicotine lozenge habit, and now just occasionally smokes weed. If you want to be a stickler, no he hasn't beaten addiction by the book scouts honor. But he also doesn't try to kill himself with booze and his family doesn't break into his apartment to find him covered in filth.. He rehabs two to three houses a year single handedly, is loved around the community and is a good person who you wouldn't believe would emotionally torment his loved ones or beat the shit out of his kid from time to time.

I'm not waking up to messages I sent to exes, threatening people with insane things after focusing hours of unrelenting, laser focus resentment on them, or letting bad ppl back into my life because my sex drive was uncontrollable and I hit them up, and there's no signs of physical harm on myself from god knows what.

 

[David.]

The only thing I caution with your idea of going towards a CPA is to not allow your career dictate your use/lack thereof. Harder said than done, I understand.

Being a CPA is a very stressful job and one where I see plenty of friends burn-out after long days filled with adderall and long nights boozing after the rush of tax season.

It sounds like you're not really at the point where you're ready to go to meetings or whatnot, so what about the idea of just going to a therapist one-on-one?

I have free therapy once the school year starts but I'm out of luck at the moment.

I'd love to go to meetings, and finding a schedule that works is on my list of things to do. I'm going back. There are specific things that happen during meetings that cause friction if I attend right now, such as asking how long everyone has been off everything for example.

It's not a good look to always be on week one, and I'm not comfortable lying in a place whose success depends on honesty


As far as accounting, I'm not even going to bother with a position that isn't going to work for my personality. Audit or a west coast philosophy work at home/efficiency over hours put in gig is what will work.

 

[David.]

I know a few heroin addicts, and yeah I'm done trying to get them help. I gave up caring about their life and how it could effect others. I love them, but why should I continue to care about them if they don't care about themselves? One minute they're sober as they say, then next minute they're doped up. In and out of 'beds'. And truly I don't even know if those meetings work, if they're still destined to do it, they'll just make friends to do it with.

Heroin is the worst drug, there is no cure. I don't wanna get to in depth, but let's just say this drug was chosen over wife and kids. It's sickening.

Anybody else experience this situation?

A brilliant friend? Of mine that pulled identical grades is hooked on heroin. He's been fucking up so badly and for so long that I'm sure everyone, including me, are over it.

 

[The Human Q-Tip]

I know a few heroin addicts, and yeah I'm done trying to get them help. I gave up caring about their life and how it could effect others. I love them, but why should I continue to care about them if they don't care about themselves? One minute they're sober as they say, then next minute they're doped up. In and out of 'beds'. And truly I don't even know if those meetings work, if they're still destined to do it, they'll just make friends to do it with.

Heroin is the worst drug, there is no cure. I don't wanna get to in depth, but let's just say this drug was chosen over wife and kids. It's sickening.

Anybody else experience this situation?

One of my wife's cousins, an 18 year old girl who just graduated high school, recently died from a heroin overdose. She was at some party or something, and her so-called friends just rolled her out on the sidewalk outside the building after she passed out. That's where she was found dead.

It not only destroyed her life, but her grandfather has essentially give it up since she died and the rest of the family is pretty much destroyed as well.

 

[David.]

I'm fairly certain something like 95% of folks in the "program" fail. You're basically admitting the drug of choice has control over you and you're warping your mind into believing by using the "program". I don't have any science behind this but I'd guess you're just as likely to quit drugs flicking yourself in your genitals daily and saying I'm done with that drug of choice of mine as you would be actually succeeding in a 12steps program.

http://www.npr.org/2014/03/23/291405829/with-sobering-science-doctor-debunks-12-step-recovery

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

I think there's a lot to learn about yourself through the steps, and a support system through meetings is invaluable.

But yes, people have done it without the program, and have failed with it. People are different

 

[David.]

My update for the week:

I'm barely ever home. Can accomplish a good amount during the day. Feel good about myself and don't have nightmares of dying alone. Infinitely more positive, misanthropy is a memory.

I feel gravity around me. I used to be set off by anything during my work shift and just try not to flip out. People are much more engaging, and vice versa, and rather than avoiding everything and everyone that gravity has those same people and I having extended conversations everywhere I go.

Today alone I actually WANTED to talk to my boss and we shot the shit for 15 about everything from the beach to the gym, I spoke to a lady at a drop off about her son, my career, how young she looked and her retirement, and how I was noticeably in good shape. I talk for four hours a day at the dog park and it's like a primer for everywhere elSe. Most people aren't accustomed to small talk and when you've been at it all day, you can feel the difference when you make a joke about lose change and a stranger laughs and tells a slightly less calibrated joke in return.

The gym feels awesome. Rather than getting through workouts, I go above and beyond and do a couple more exercises per bodypart. Being physically active is a key component in happiness, as is social interaction, hence the focus in everything I'm doing right now.

Depression is gone.. I apologized to an ex yesterday for a lot of shit that I had done, without any agenda or asking for a response. I told her I was proud of her, more than I had let on, and wished her well

 

[The Human Q-Tip]

My update for the week:

I'm barely ever home. Can accomplish a good amount during the day. Feel good about myself and don't have nightmares of dying alone. Infinitely more positive, misanthropy is a memory.

I feel gravity around me. I used to be set off by anything during my work shift and just try not to flip out. People are much more engaging, and vice versa, and rather than avoiding everything and everyone that gravity has those same people and I having extended conversations everywhere I go.

Today alone I actually WANTED to talk to my boss and we shot the shit for 15 about everything from the beach to the gym, I spoke to a lady at a drop off about her son, my career, how young she looked and her retirement, and how I was noticeably in good shape. I talk for four hours a day at the dog park and it's like a primer for everywhere elSe. Most people aren't accustomed to small talk and when you've been at it all day, you can feel the difference when you make a joke about lose change and a stranger laughs and tells a slightly less calibrated joke in return.

The gym feels awesome. Rather than getting through workouts, I go above and beyond and do a couple more exercises per bodypart. Being physically active is a key component in happiness, as is social interaction, hence the focus in everything I'm doing right now.

Depression is gone.. I apologized to an ex yesterday for a lot of shit that I had done, without any agenda or asking for a response. I told her I was proud of her, more than I had let on, and wished her well

David that sounds great and I hope you keep it up. Getting high on life sounds like a stupid slogan but it actually works.

The gym is an awesome outlet for tension, and a great substitute for Addictive Behavior.

 

[The Oi]

Is this totally sober or on Aderall?

 

[The Human Q-Tip]

Is this totally sober or on Aderall?

Or in your case, Pamprin.