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"Step-father-in-law" passed away....could use some advice/venting.

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Kouki

Kouki, Not Cookie.
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In quotes because it is my girlfriend's (future fiance's) stepfather.

Could use some advice even if I don't really know what to ask, and kind of just want to talk about it I guess.

So. My girlfriend is Chinese. She came to America with her mother when her mother married her step father back in 2001 or so. Her mother has never assimilated, nor made an attempt to assimilate, to America. She can speak a tiny tiny bit of English but not much (normally I am good with people who speak broken English due to where I work, but communicating with her is challenging). She cannot get gasoline by herself, drive on the highway, or go grocery shopping to English-speaking stores (and the Chinese markets in CLE are too far, since she can't drive on highway).

So her husband, my gf's step-father, passed away unexpectedly Sunday morning. Massive heart attack. Never took care of himself (we were going through accounts all day Sunday...guy ate fast food nearly every day) and hadn't been to doctor in 5 years. Had swelling in foot and shortness of breath...too stubborn to go to doctor.

So...he had no life insurance, and he dipped heavily into his 401k last year to prevent foreclosure. I am guessing they owe more on the fourplex that they own than what it's worth. Sewer bill over 1000 behind, maybe close to 2k, but nothing else is (much, if any) overdue. I think maybe like 10k is left in the 401k.

Three cars and a boat in the driveway, cars will probably go to scrap though I might buy one for a fair price if I think I can get it running.

Tons and tons of misc stuff laying around....fishing gear, tools, lawn equip, etc.

He has three kids from previous marriage but they live a few states over.

Gf's mother is 55 and cannot receive his SSI checks until 60. With her income and renters' rent, she might net 700 a month before food/bills/handyman/etc, and 700 is probably generous.

So....yeah. This is a crummy situation. I am hosting two of his children (adults), and her mother right now. Children weren't really close to him. I offered to go through all the tools/equipment/cars, index them, offer them to his kids, buy them myself if I want them, and then list them for sale, in that order. And I offered her mom to stay with us until things settle down. That part is really scary and will absolutely put a serious strain on our relationship if it extends too much. We are financially stable but I can't afford to be giving her money to live somewhere else.

She should qualify for food stamps, I don't know anything about government-assisted living (rent) but I think her living in a typical section-8 style complex is a terrible, terrible idea.

So...um...like I said, just wanted to kind of get that all out. Any advice of any sorts is welcome. Kudos if you actually read all that.

LONG STORY SHORT - gf's step father passed away, gf's mother is Chinese and can't function by herself in America, fiscal situation is not good, and step father's family is from out of town. Tell me what to do.
 
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Sorry for your loss, from a financial perspective I'm glad the two of you aren't married yet.


(Is that bad to say about the dead? Probably... but its true.)


Talk to a financial whiz like @Lee to navigate taking care of the mother with your girl without taking on ANY risk of assuming the massive family debt.
 
Thanks.

Someone mentioned trying to find a bilingual attorney who could help settle things, but 1) I don't know if it is necessary, and 2) i'm not sure it would help all that much because gf's mother has been completely out of the loop in terms of finances. And 3) I don't know if she could afford it.
 
If they allow it, which given the situation I don't see why they wouldn't, I'd definitely go through the cars, tools, fishing equipment, etc. and buy whatever you want and sell the rest. Depending on the quality and quantity of what he left behind along with finding somebody who actually wants to buy it, you should be able to cover the cost of supporting the extra people in your house for a while.

Your bio says Akron but you mentioned Cleveland in your story, but both cities are large enough where Craigslist should net you buyers for a lot of those things as long as you are willing to negotiate. My advice is to set the asking price a bit higher than you normally would, and then talk down to something still pretty good. Make sure you put you're willing to negotiate price to an extent in the ad.

Example:

You find a fishing rod that you want to sell for $60. List the item at $80 and if you actually sell it at that, great, but in the cases you don't, you can always tell the potential buyer that you'll drop to $60 (25% off) and they'll usually take it. Boom, you just sold a fishing rod for exactly what you wanted with the potential for getting more. I use the site a lot, and this is what I tend to do. More often then not, I can make more than what I actually planned on getting in the first place.



Good luck with everything. Seems like a pretty bad scenario all around, but I'm sure you'll pull through.
 
Thanks.

I'm in North Canton, the Akron-Canton CL is pretty good yeah, I definitely intend to use it. Hard part will be trying to figure out what stuff is worth. Luckily his son offered to take care of the fishing gear as he fishes as well. I can handle tools/etc.

She did most of her grocery shopping at the Chinese markets in Cleveland. Of course, her husband drove her there. She can't get there herself.

Honestly what I am most worried about is her mother having to live with us for a while. I am absolutely willing to have her here short-term, it is the right thing to do. I am just deathly afraid of what that could turn into long-term. Would stress me out constantly.
 
Th bilingual attorney would be a great investment for you if you plan on marrying the daughter. Much better than having the mother get taken to the cleaners and having your girl assume her debt eventually. If he has kids, they would assume debt as well as your girlfriend when her mother passes, but it sounds like that might be a long while off.

Do what you want though, sounds like a tough situation all around, and I'm sorry the man who passed decided to go the selfish route on his way out. I've met others who did the same.
 
Maybe this is a bad suggestion, but I would send your gf's mother back to China or where ever it is she can actually function. If she has family in China it makes it even easier, but either way it seems like it will be tough for her to stay in America if she can't speak English or do any of those things you mentioned.

Of course it doesn't have to be right away, but it doesn't seem like she can live with you forever (and I'm very sure you don't want that), so you will have to do something. Maybe I'm out of line and don't know the whole situation, but it seems to make sense from what you have told us.
 
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Nah, that is definitely an option and one I (very carefully) suggested to my gf.

She wans to stay in America to get the SSI in five years. And of course, stay close to her daughter.

She has a brother and mother in China. I guess it is hard to get a job there now though. She would, apparently, get something like SSI if she was in China. Not sure how much it amounts to.

Keys, excellent point on getting an attorney since I plan on marrying her daughter...something I wouldn't have thought of.

I don't think her debt situation is that bad though. 401k will take care of any outstanding debts and then some and she makes enough (job + rent) to at least break even, if her owning the apts is sustainable, which I don't know if it is.
 
The debts die with the parents, I mean they can go after the estate but they can't go after the children or children's future earnings http://money.cnn.com/2014/06/19/pf/inherited-debt-adult-children/ . I commend you on stepping up here, this is a major deal. You need to follow the other advise as well but you also need to insist she gets enrolled in an English classes: http://www.chapelinternationals.com/english-classes/ . You are going about this correct her being with you should be a short time solution. Your girlfriend needs to see if she can qualify and get FMLA http://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/

The good thing is the apartments, before you start paying off debt with the 401k see if it makes more sense to invest them to be able to increase the rent. Selling them would be the last thought because they are generating income. However if a major issues arises she has to be able to afford to repair them. Be very very careful with dealing with any property management company ( my family owns over 400 units) it is very easy to get screwed, however I would reach out to them have conversations about value rent and roi on upgrades ect. It is really hard to be residual income!
 
There is a big misconception with section 8.
There isn't a set section 8 housing or appartment complex that she would have to live In.
if approved, she could go anywhere that accept Section 8. Which you will find that a lot of apartments, even home style appartments in great areas will take section 8 now a days. My aunt rents her appartments out to a lot of section 8 applicants. Some landlords prefer it because they get more money per unit from the government than they would outside of the program.
It gets a bad rep because of the type of applicants associated with it, but It's really not that bad of a thing to look into.
 
Man, rough deal. I can understand how the mother living with you would be a big strain... what does your gf think should happen regarding her mother? (Does your gf work where you do?)

Also, since there is no way the mother can manage the apartments or even deal with the renters... managing the unit might fall to you, or you can sell the unit for the mother to live on... but again, what does the gf want to do?

As for the mother learning english... if she really wanted to, she probably would've already... but as you probably know, there is International Institute on Tallmadge Ave just west of Rt 8 for language and skills classes for immigrants. Might be a resource for language skills and connections like area Chinese foods or other Chinese people to talk with.

Tough deal to be in, but how you handle this will always be remembered by your gf/future wife. A watershed moment for your relationship.
 
Thanks for the input, this is really helping.

Regarding the estate. If there is no/minimal debt, then we shouldn't need an attorney to help out, but if there is significant debt, then an attorney may be beneficial to make sure we don't get screwed. Is this accurate?

RE the apartments...yeah, best case is she is able to keep them. Without crunching numbers too much, it really seems feasible. If I was at a different point in my life I would totally think about buying them, but I just took on my first mortgage in September so eh. They are old-ish apartments, 1971, 2 bedroom, I think 900 square feet or so. One tenant only pays ~250 a month, one 400, other 450. They are probably worth 450, 500+ if we clean up the garage and can offer covered parking (I've never run comps for the area, I've only looked in Akron area for apartments). They aren't in a terrible area by any means, it is a lower-income area I guess but crime doesn't seem to be a problem, and there's a bunch of families around.

RE section 8...thanks for the info. I really didn't know anything about it. Might be a possibility if she is eligible. Though, I'm assuming her having the mortgage makes her ineligible for section 8.
 
Man, rough deal. I can understand how the mother living with you would be a big strain... what does your gf think should happen regarding her mother? (Does your gf work where you do?)

Also, since there is no way the mother can manage the apartments or even deal with the renters... managing the unit might fall to you, or you can sell the unit for the mother to live on... but again, what does the gf want to do?

As for the mother learning english... if she really wanted to, she probably would've already... but as you probably know, there is International Institute on Tallmadge Ave just west of Rt 8 for language and skills classes for immigrants. Might be a resource for language skills and connections like area Chinese foods or other Chinese people to talk with.

Tough deal to be in, but how you handle this will always be remembered by your gf/future wife. A watershed moment for your relationship.

Hah, yeah I guess so...brownie points for me, if I can tolerate it, which is not a given. Could go either way :)

Girlfriend does not work where I do, we both work in Akron though she is looking for a new job. Her current position seems secure enough, and she's being paid well, she just doesn't like some aspects of it.

My girlfriend has kind of the same stance as me, her mother is welcome with us for a short period of time but absolutely does not want it to turn into an extended stay. We really need to sit down and figure out the money situation before we decide what we want to do.

Yeah, if she wanted to learn English, she already would have. She wants to re-marry, she wants to depend on someone else.
 
Yeah, if she wanted to learn English, she already would have. She wants to re-marry, she wants to depend on someone else.


Yikes. That's going to be hard to do turtled up in your house 24/7... the re-marrying part that is. Seems like she might already have someone in mind to take care of her tho... so she's got that going for hereself.
 
Hahah...oh man I didn't even think of that, trying to get her re-married while she is living in my house...I don't think I could deal with that.

But no, she definitely doesn't have anyone in mind, unless I am completely oblivious. I think she has a couple Chinese-speaking female friends and that is about it.
 

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