Hey guys.
Wanted to make this post for awhile now but couldn’t find the words. I wanted to maybe glean some insight from some of the life experiences here because I can’t be the only one ever gone through periods like this.
As many here know, I lost my job in Florida and moved to Charlotte with my long time girlfriend in 2018. It was either NC or Ohio; my parents are here along with some other relatives, her entire family and my brother are in Ohio. It was NC because she didn’t think she could teach in Ohio and would have to jump through a bunch of hoops, so we settled in Charlotte.
I struggled to find a job for awhile, whereas she found a teaching job easily. Eventually, I took a bottom of the barrel customer service gig with a top tier company, as the benefits were fantastic, with great tuition assistance if I decided to go back to school, and upwards movement was said to be pretty quick and easy here. Plus I really needed a job and it paid well enough to live comfortably.
First few months were okay but it quickly spiraled downhill at this gig. I loathe customer service- I ran sales in Florida and while I don’t love sales either it gave me autonomy to do things how I wanted as well as paid a ton of money. Here, I sit at a desk and talk to people all fucking day, deal with the scum of the earth, can barely take a shit without worrying about bring logged in, and upwards mobility happens but seems like much more of a long term prospect than I was sold on.
Long story short, I’m miserable at the job, I hate waking up, I hate coming in, I had some sort of anxiety/panic attack episode last week and now I’m seeing a doctor for anxiety which I’ve never ever had a history of. I dread work. It’s an awful existence. So that’s the part about work. I want to find another job, but as an idiot communications major who expected to be career military because that’s all I ever wanted to do... I’m not professionally prepared to find anything halfway decent it seems without acquiring further qualifications. I’ve been wanting to do an MBA, but that’s a long term thing and I can’t suffer here for years. Just can’t. Problem is they’ll pay for it- see the catch 22 here?
So work makes me miserable. My relationship with my girlfriend is strong but even outside of work I get little fulfillment. Really, WE get little fulfillment. We have no friends here. My family is still hours away, we see them here and there and have fun but we don’t know anybody in our immediate vicinity. All our friends are in Ohio. My best friend from my hometown who lived in Florida the last five years even moved back to Ohio recently. We just go to work, come home and hang out. Neither of us are happy.
So recently the girlfriend springs this idea on me that we move back to Ohio next year. Her rationale is we’re both unhappy, my brother and his family are there, her entire family is there with all our friends, and I hate my job here anyways. I was mad at first because it’s more stress on my plate when im ready to burst already... more i thought about it though the more it made sense. I love my parents but I am also very independent and dont need to be near them, I can make the drive down whenever I want whereas my girlfriend is very unhappy not being near her family. Obviously the main concern is executing another job search in Ohio...
Now I have all these variables, we’re both unhappy here, my job is excruciating, do we find a way to make it work in NC or just take another plunge and flee back to Ohio... what does any of this mean for me going back to get a Masters, etc...
Fuck this post got long. I’m sorry. Basically I’m a fucking anxiety ridden depressed piece of shit right now, trying to figure out... how the HELL do you find true happiness in life? I feel like I was there in college, even in Florida for a couple years... I miss that feeling. I want it back.
Appreciate any insight, as always.