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RBF League 2023 - Gary Barnidge Classic!

Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Should we make this a buy-in league for $25 each?

  • Yes

    Votes: 9 90.0%
  • No

    Votes: 1 10.0%

  • Total voters
    10
not in your guys league, but just gave away rashard penny in my league.

we have 10 keepers and 12 teams. I had 11 guys on my team that fall within the top 75 of the league, so penny was the odd man out. I moved up 3 spots in the first round from pick 11 to pick 8.

But with 120 keepers, it means that first round picks past the good rookies are half worthless
 
I like Penny the talent but it's not encouraging that the team seems to like Carson a lot more. To be honest, I have no idea why they wasted a first on Penny in the first place. I know they're a run-first team, but he was like the RB5 in his own class and they have so many other needs beyond the most easily replaceable position in football.
 
I hope everyone in this league is preparing for disappointment. I took the liberty of examining your teams and selecting which two players will create the most disappointment and why.

Stannis - Your most likely player to fuck up the season is Dante Pettis. When the coaching staff can't find anything nice to say to your player all summer and you expect the player to lead the Niners in receiving, it's a problem. Most likely to have health problems is James Conner because cancer. It's not fair that cancer watch is a yearly concern for returning, but life isn't fair. Your top back is probably going to have cancer again and it's a shame.

5thous - Your team is like a hard sideways rain of disappointment. David Johnson is awesome when he is healthy, but playing on a bad team has sort of hidden how often that happens. I can't trust anything associated with that franchise. You also picked up Ty Hilton just days before a guy named Luck crushed the team's soul. Hard to see a career year from him.

PIP - You thrive on disappointment so I will keep this short: Jordan Reed is your only tight end and he bruises like a ripe peach. You also have a doppelganger for The Situation at backup quarterback who is dead set on disappointing the world.

JKing - You went through an autodraft, and robot GM gave you a full drum barrel of dispirited. Zeke Elliott. Hasn't shown up to the Dallas facility for months. What could go wrong? You also have Dontae Freeman, the power back of several concussions, ready for another year of brutal collisions. How could your team possibly disappoint?

Sixpack - If a librarian saw your team, wearing cat eye glasses and a shawl - she would ask you to do a little research. Marquise Brown just had Linsfranc. If an achilles tear is Hitler, I'd like to introduce you to Joseph Stalin: Linsfranc. But it's okay, because you have Melvin Gordon, who is taking a hard stance on running back salaries the year before Zeke Elliott does the same against the new Al Davis, Jerry Jones. Welcome to the NFL's version to a lunatic asylum, population you.

Hurl - If you go to Vegas for the weekend, I hope you have someone to check in with every few hours. You might have a gambling problem. Dalvin Cook will get injured every few games and we all know it. The only question is if he puts it off long enough. Then you go for Kyler Murray as your starting QB. His coach seems to have a bigger gambling addiction than you do, if you believe Lee. If you are afraid you might bet fare from the strip to the airport, hide a few chips in your shoe.

How am I only half done?

Moz - You claimed to be going risk adverse, then you picked Todd Gurley's arthritis and Keenan Allen's well-documented enthusiasm for ruining fantasy football. If you play the board game "Risk", do you put all your armies on Kamchatka and say, "I fucking call your bluff, fate!"

Soda - You took the two players I put on my no draft list: AJ Green and Cam Newton. Green used to be so amazing on those nimble ankles, Cam used to have a cannon for an arm, I get it... But as an old man myself I know when the mind is willing but the body is ground chuck.They have bones made of peanut brittle and skin made of nectarines. Best of luck with stroking the most production out of your beef.

CCF - You finally outdrafted me, thanks for all the whiskey in our side bets. Thanks for not betting me whiskey this year. I hope Derrick Henry and LeSean McCoy liquify upon contact.

Jack Brickman - Injuries are predictable, magic talismans are real, and I am going to make it rain. If there is a God, he hates Will Fuller and thrusts injuries upon him yearly. What can I say about drafting Josh Gordon that hasn't already been said about Richard Pryor's career? Welcome to the medicine show, please tip your Gypsy.

X - We might be trading, we might not, and I don't want to ruin your trade capital at this time. You will suffer from injuries because God hates you and your lustful and gluttonous ways. We both know this, and we both know which players will be involved.

Surge - I remember when you posted around here, and it was magnificent. I also remember when Rashard Penny had crazy buzz out of San Diego State, but then he ate every burrito in San Diego. We will all look back on a player eating his way out of professional sports and laugh someday, but penny for a thought why you took the fat guy? Oh, and Carsen Wentz has quietly been a fragile prissy boy his whole career, people just don't talk about it.

Deezy - I'm exhausted from typing. Your team is even more exhausting. Antonio Brown early in the draft without the soles of his feet? Seriously? I feel like having feet are important to playing the position. You also drafted a tight end that is quasi retired and has been for a few years. Drafting Olsen is like drafting Jerry Seinfeld in a Fantasy Comedian League.

As for my team, I'm fucked too. After the draft I looked at all those stock NFL faces on the Yahoo page and realized I drafted a team that looks like my social circle. My team is like 65% white guys in their early to late 30s. My kids could go to school with the elementary school kids of all these old farts. Cooper Kupp would be that guy who knocked up his high school girlfriend and became a physical trainer right out of high school and has to hang out with Julian Edelman, Travis Kelce, and the old guys on their second family: Drew Brees and Mason Crosby. I hate how I subconsciously want to surround myself with old farts with thinning and whitening hair like me.

TL/DR - Every team in this league sucks.

Have a great first week.
 
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Trophy is mine this year, cunt boogers !!!
 
I'm positive that this wasn't a stock photo, and PIP actually won an 8th grade girls softball MVP trophy.
1996 Daffy Dan’s Lady-Dodgers.

Remember vividly playing the Geppetto Pizza & Ribs Red Panties-n-Sox in a winner take all.

We won 10-9. I walked it off with a straight away grand slam off of Lenny Dykstra’s daughter Dyke Dykstra.

Funny thing is she only played cause her mom moved to Cleveland in the summer of 96 to cheat on Lenny with Jeff Kent...
 
Trade cherry is already popped in the league.

And Keys... Kupp is going to blow out his ACL again. Bank on it.

I'm sorry you forgot to ask for draft considerations in that trade.

Can't have enough running backs!

If anyone needs a RB, let me know!

Let's talk, but I'm no X in negotiations.
 

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