Adventures at the Buffalo Bills Bar

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Jack Brickman

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Didn't know where else to put this.

During the one games on Sunday, I went to the Browns bar in Charlotte (Kennedy's). Generally, the Browns fans there were rowdy (at least during the first half before everything went horribly wrong) but not absurdly intoxicated. It was the first time I've made it to Kennedy's for a Browns game, and I was actually pretty surprised by how well all the fans behaved.

Afterwards, we stopped off at the Buffalo bar (Tavern on the Tracks) to meet up with a couple of friends, and because it was on our way back to my buddy's place where we planned to watch the night games, and I gained a whole new respect for Browns' fans relative sobriety.

This place was an absolute shitshow. Now, I'll grant that they had just beat the Colts and that they, like us, aren't used to winning big games. But the level of intoxication was ridiculous. A guy fell down on his back trying to leave the bar down the short flight of stairs on the patio. It took three people to get him to his feet, and he promptly sat down on a plastic chair next to the stairs and looked like he was going to vomit for about twenty minutes before he finally stumbled off, thankfully not to a car in the parking lot.

Another Bills fan had a CJ Spiller jersey on backwards. I'm pretty sure he didn't realize this. My assumption is that, when the Bills won, he took off his jersey and spun it around over his head, only for the bartender to say, "Sir, please put your shirt back on." The rest, as they say, is history. He also stumbled off into legend. I can only imagine someone at the next bar he graced with his presence was kind enough to tell him he had his shirt on backwards.

The best, though, was a guy and a girl sitting a few feet away from us on the patio. The guy had obviously been feeding drinks into this girl since noon (when bars can start serving). She was that incoherent, can barely walk level of shitfaced typically reserved for New Years or St. Patrick's Day. She had apparently lost her shoes hours earlier, and by this point her feet looked like she stumbled out of Middle Earth. The two made out for about half an hour while we looked on in some combination of horror and amusement.

Then she passed out with her head on his lap. He, being a gentleman, then used her as an armrest while he checked his fantasy scores.

And yes, I have pictures.

billsfan1.jpg


This continued for a good ten or twenty minutes before she fell under the table.

billsfan2.jpg


It took him about three minutes to finally drag her ass back onto the bench.

Some time after that, she decided she had to go the bathroom, which effectively meant he had to carry her there. While she was gone, he came back, checked his phone for a minute or two, then got up and literally ran out of the bar. I've never seen anything like this. He calmly walked down those stairs you see to the right in the picture below, then took off running. Perhaps he sobered up enough to realize he was making a huge mistake, or maybe he saw eight people at the table next to him taking photos and was concerned about the significant chunk of evidence that could accompany future rape accusations. Either way, he ran for the hills and we didn't see him again.

Needless to say, she was a little confused when she finally returned to the table (I also heard entirely too much about her being naked in the bathroom from our server, so I'll gloss over that part of the tale). One of the other servers, or maybe a bartender, told her that she had to leave. She said she was waiting for her friend and told the server his name. This was simultaneously the funniest and saddest part of the ordeal. The server told her, and I quote, "He's not here. I closed out his tab and then he ran out of here. I'm calling you a cab. You need to leave."

The cab did eventually show up, and the girl refused to leave. Two of her friends arrived a short while later and carried her off. I'm not sure where, but I do know that, about ten minutes later, we saw all three of them walking back by the parking lot and, of course, the girl in question fell down. I can only assume they took her to another par and pumped a few more drinks in her before taking her home. Either that, or she escaped for a short time and they had to chase her down.

Either way, Bills fans, everyone!

I also saw this absolutely amazing image from Craigslist:

CO4EU2bWUAAaPyN.jpg:large


Also, she's probably regretting this transaction now:
http://deadspin.com/report-from-buffalo-kiko-alonso-jersey-traded-for-blow-1459749225

Needless to say, we'll be returning to Tavern on the Tracks every Sunday now. :chuckle:

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the bartender did find her shoes.
 
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Phills14

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The pics still don't work for me :(
 

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