Breaking: Joe Paterno is still dead

[The Oi]

Re: Breaking: Joe Paterno is dead

I have shit my pants upwards of five times since I left college.





Regardless...I think Joe Paterno was a good man who's life should be celebrated. The fact that he ran across a football field to take a dump just demonstrates that he truly was a man of the people.

 

[Randolphkeys]

Re: Breaking: Joe Paterno is dead

It's interesting, I've never noticed until now... but brand names of adult incontinence products sound like a fiery halftime speech.

You have Depends, like Joe Pa encouraging his quarterbacks to depend upon the pass protection. You got Prevail for heavy fecal incontinence, like a defensive stand may prevail on the one yard line. Poise pads are great for a woman on the go, like the poise a quarterback may show under an unexpected linebacker blitz. It seems the most heavy duty product in adult incontinence is Tranquility, like the feeling one experiences before a last second field goal.

If only Joe were still alive... I just wrote him a bang up national commercial. Way better than Dan Marino babbling about his Lean Cuisine.

 

[Soda]

Re: Breaking: Joe Paterno is dead

I have shit my pants upwards of five times since I left college.

And it is NEVER at a convenient time, making you change clothes before work, going out, etc. Am I way off?

 

[The Oi]

Re: Breaking: Joe Paterno is dead

And it is NEVER at a convenient time, making you change clothes before work, going out, etc. Am I way off?

Thankfully, my pants-shitting situations have been at relatively "convenient" times, like on the way back from getting food or while at the house.

It's the pissing that's been a problem. Pissed the bed at my in-laws house a couple years ago. Early this year, I pissed my suit pants on the way to a sales call two houts away. Got caught with a full bladder in the middle of a 20minute stretch of woods with no gas stations or restaurant bathrooms. Ended up having to pull over to the side of the road in the middle of a state forest, leaping out and pissing into a creek. Problem was that I started pissing wildly into the air while leaping out of the car and totally soaked my pants while two cars whiZzed by.

I ended up at a gas station on the edge of the woods wiping my pants down with towels and throwing them under the dryer. Showed up to the sales call and got the sale. HAD to have smelled like piss.




Regardless...I think Joe Paterno was a good man who's life should be celebrated. The fact that he ran across a football field to take a dump just demonstrates that he truly was a man of the people.

 

[Phills14]

I was driving from St Louis to Cedar Rapids, IA last year and I had to take a dump like none other. I just recently passed a gas station and thought, "eh, I have to shit but I'm ok. I'll stop at the next exit" Unfortunately about 2 minutes later it became unbearable. I had just crossed the border into Iowa and as you can imagine there was NOTHING around. The next exit with anything other than cornfields was 20 miles away. It was so bad I was sweating just sitting there. Luckily, I made it to a very gross gas station and took care of business. I've never been so relieved in my life. That was my closest call but I definitely thought I was going to lose the security deposit on the rental car and had it been a mile longer I probably would have.

 

[The Oi]

I was driving from St Louis to Cedar Rapids, IA last year and I had to take a dump like none other. I just recently passed a gas station and thought, "eh, I had to shit but I'm ok. I'll stop at the next exit" Unfortunately about 2 minutes later it became unbearable. I had just crossed the border into Iowa and as you can imagine there was NOTHING around. The next exit with anything other than cornfields was 20 miles away. It was so bad I was sweating just sitting there. Luckily, I made it to a very gross gas station and took care of business. I've never been so relieved in my life. That was my closest call but I definitely thought I was going to lose the security deposit on the rental car and had it been a mile longer I probably would have.

I hate how your body internally just goes into overload mode the closer you get to a bathroom. The closer I get to a toilet, the more uncontrollable the urge gets. I've had many an occasion where I shot urine wildly onto a wall or the top of a toilet because it was rocketing out of my urethra AS I pulled my penis out of my pants


Regardless...I think Joe Paterno was a good man who's life should be celebrated. The fact that he ran across a football field to take a dump just demonstrates that he truly was a man of the people.

 

[Scholar]

This needs to stop. This last page of comments is highly inappropriate considering the nature of this thread. It is very disrespectful to his friends and loved ones. I had no problem with people discussing the issues with his actions and lack of actions. I respect the right of posters to do so. But, making Depends and shit jokes in a thread about a man that just died is just wrong.

Frankly, this thread should just be closed as it has clearly run its course.

 

[jhard]

I am uncomfortable reading your posts Jigo.

 

[jhard]

Frankly, this thread should just be closed as it has clearly run its course.

Paterno crapped his pants running across the field in the 'shoe in case you weren't aware.

we are strictly remembering him in a humorous way. It's how some people cope with death

 

[The Oi]

Sorry guys. I added opinions about Joe Paterno to each of those posts.

Didn't mean to offend.

 

[Noonan]

Ten years ago I bet a round of Car Bombs that Paterno would coach a game while on a segway. Can't believe I'm going to be buying.

 

[The Oi]

I am uncomfortable reading your posts Jigo.

I keep it real.

 

[jhard]

Using the word Urethra was the tipping point.
Not sure why

 

[Maximus]

Ten years ago I bet a round of Car Bombs that Paterno would coach a game while on a segway. Can't believe I'm going to be buying.

Wait one more year...anything is possible in Happy Valley.

 

[The Oi]

Using the word Urethra was the tipping point.
Not sure why

It's a medical term, man. Would it have been better had I said pee-hole?






Here's an interesting story about Paterno:

http://espn.go.com/espn/commentary/...3/separating-truths-legends-joe-paterno-story