Children

[BMAN]

Fair enough. I pretty much agree.



It's actually more than that. Didn't his view of life strike you as rather...dark and depressing? That life is so bad that we'd all be better off if we were never born? It actually pisses me off that we have people in academia -- who certainly should know better -- peddling that kind of dark and depressing shit to people who may have all sorts of struggles in their life. To me, it's akin to telling someone who is suicidal to jump, because nobody really likes them anyway.

I don't know if they think it is funny, or just find it an amusing intellectual game, but I think that teaching people -- especially young people -- that oblivion is better than existence is basically evil. And so I think it is up to the rest of us to counter that -- to advocate that people seek out what fulfills them and makes them happy, so that their lives are more enjoyable/less miserable, rather than the opposite.



Noogies for everyone!

Oh it came off depressing as hell. I just haven’t experienced that kind of thinking in my higher education though.

 

[bigfoot5415]

My wife and I are actively trying to have children. There is a part of me that is beyond excited and knows that the greatest day of my life will be when my child is born. I look forward to the joy and challenges of raising a child.

That being said, is anyone genuinely concerned raising a child in today's world? I look back to my parents talking about that same issue when I grew up in the 90s. With everything that has happened since, the way our society is, and the trajectory we are on (IMO) that it's a scarier place with a child.

 

[MGMT]

My gf and I have been together for 5 years m; we are experiencing an extremely unexpected pregnancy as neither of us aspired to be parents. She was unable to undergo an early-stage abortion (can’t fault her) or adoption. Therefore, she elected to proceed.

I’ve undergone immense ambivalence throughout this process and it has been insanely challenging to accept the change in life.

I’m just going to admit so I’ll accept whatever judgement: I strongly considered separating myself from the situation entirely but I simply can’t — I can’t live the rest of my life knowing she is undergoing the stress of being a single parent, experiencing financial strain or is just feels alone. The option of walking away dissolved quickly. The only chance I have at achieving happiness/joy is to put forth my best effort into being the best parent and significant other I can possibly be.

If I walked, the mirror wouldn’t be kind to me. Can’t do it. Won’t. With some time, I have developed a bond and I have envisioned rewarding moments and realized life is full of actual tragedy — and this situation is not tragic — or at least it is no longer.

Moreover, I don’t want her to look back in some years and think about what an unpleasant pregnancy she had; it behooved me to establish a positive attitude and position of ongoing emotional support. I guess I’m saying this because I was cold and distance immediately upon learning of the pregnancy but I quickly realized the repercussions of acting like that.

Sorry for the length but I haven’t utilized many avenues to express my honest thoughts. I’m thankful for the fact that I’m not experiencing this with someone I barely know; it’s not someone about whom I truly don’t care.

But man, what a mind fuck. In less than 90 days a blended version of ourselves will enter the world. And to the point of the aforementioned post — the world is indeed a scary place but I guess what we must do is continue to believe in our own ability to adapt to our social surroundings as a species. It is my hope that I can objectively perceive the world and encourage her (it’s a girl) to not fear, but to think as an individual and fight idiocy with insight.

We’ll see how it goes.

 

[czvo]

My gf and I have been together for 5 years m; we are experiencing an extremely unexpected pregnancy as neither of us aspired to be parents. She was unable to undergo an early-stage abortion (can’t fault her) or adoption. Therefore, she elected to proceed.

I’ve undergone immense ambivalence throughout this process and it has been insanely challenging to accept the change in life.

I’m just going to admit so I’ll accept whatever judgement: I strongly considered separating myself from the situation entirely but I simply can’t — I can’t live the rest of my life knowing she is undergoing the stress of being a single parent, experiencing financial strain or is just feels alone. The option of walking away dissolved quickly. The only chance I have at achieving happiness/joy is to put forth my best effort into being the best parent and significant other I can possibly be.

If I walked, the mirror wouldn’t be kind to me. Can’t do it. Won’t. With some time, I have developed a bond and I have envisioned rewarding moments and realized life is full of actual tragedy — and this situation is not tragic — or at least it is no longer.

Moreover, I don’t want her to look back in some years and think about what an unpleasant pregnancy she had; it behooved me to establish a positive attitude and position of ongoing emotional support. I guess I’m saying this because I was cold and distance immediately upon learning of the pregnancy but I quickly realized the repercussions of acting like that.

Sorry for the length but I haven’t utilized many avenues to express my honest thoughts. I’m thankful for the fact that I’m not experiencing this with someone I barely know; it’s not someone about whom I truly don’t care.

But man, what a mind fuck. In less than 90 days a blended version of ourselves will enter the world. And to the point of the aforementioned post — the world is indeed a scary place but I guess what we must do is continue to believe in our own ability to adapt to our social surroundings as a species. It is my hope that I can objectively perceive the world and encourage her (it’s a girl) to not fear, but to think as an individual and fight idiocy with insight.

We’ll see how it goes.

If you don't mind me asking, why isn't adoption an option?

 

[MGMT]

I broached it initially and she said she can’t carry for 9 months and just hand it over — long story short.

 

[David.]

My wife and I are actively trying to have children. There is a part of me that is beyond excited and knows that the greatest day of my life will be when my child is born. I look forward to the joy and challenges of raising a child.

That being said, is anyone genuinely concerned raising a child in today's world? I look back to my parents talking about that same issue when I grew up in the 90s. With everything that has happened since, the way our society is, and the trajectory we are on (IMO) that it's a scarier place with a child.

Society has been improving in basically every measure. Crime and poverty is down, society is progressing socially. Etc etc etc

The tv makes money by leading you to believe otherwise. Just don't let them become an ideologue or commit fully to one political side and they won't continuously light their hair on fire.

That being said there is statistical evidence and reasoning supporting the argument that life may not be all that great. Our brains developed to focus on things that could kill us and that's how we have survived. We look for the negative and it hurts is and lingers longer than the good. We get used to the good.. Hedonistic treadmill essentially suggests we.. Just get used to good (and bad) things.

If most of what we think and feel is bad and everyone we care for dies and everything that is good ends.. It may just be an irrational, continuous chase after reward, that has been engrained into us and has helped society get to where it is, that keeps us chasing carrots on sticks.

 

[Whittaker]

Our brains developed to focus on things that could kill us and that's how we have survived. We look for the negative and it hurts is and lingers longer than the good.

That's true I think.
The recent knife attack in the news... https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/07/01/idaho-stabbing-boise-refugees/748958002/ ...reminded me of a scary situation I faced many years ago.
I was out with my 2 year-old when I saw three young men coming toward me with determination. They were dressed exactly alike(gang?) and one of them was holding a knife with a blade about 6 inches. Their eyes were all focused on me.
I scooped up my toddler and made a beeline to my car, got us in and locked the doors.
Snagged a tonion too. They are to die for.

 

[Hurl Bruce]

My gf and I have been together for 5 years m; we are experiencing an extremely unexpected pregnancy as neither of us aspired to be parents. She was unable to undergo an early-stage abortion (can’t fault her) or adoption. Therefore, she elected to proceed.

I’ve undergone immense ambivalence throughout this process and it has been insanely challenging to accept the change in life.

I’m just going to admit so I’ll accept whatever judgement: I strongly considered separating myself from the situation entirely but I simply can’t — I can’t live the rest of my life knowing she is undergoing the stress of being a single parent, experiencing financial strain or is just feels alone. The option of walking away dissolved quickly. The only chance I have at achieving happiness/joy is to put forth my best effort into being the best parent and significant other I can possibly be.

If I walked, the mirror wouldn’t be kind to me. Can’t do it. Won’t. With some time, I have developed a bond and I have envisioned rewarding moments and realized life is full of actual tragedy — and this situation is not tragic — or at least it is no longer.

Moreover, I don’t want her to look back in some years and think about what an unpleasant pregnancy she had; it behooved me to establish a positive attitude and position of ongoing emotional support. I guess I’m saying this because I was cold and distance immediately upon learning of the pregnancy but I quickly realized the repercussions of acting like that.

Sorry for the length but I haven’t utilized many avenues to express my honest thoughts. I’m thankful for the fact that I’m not experiencing this with someone I barely know; it’s not someone about whom I truly don’t care.

But man, what a mind fuck. In less than 90 days a blended version of ourselves will enter the world. And to the point of the aforementioned post — the world is indeed a scary place but I guess what we must do is continue to believe in our own ability to adapt to our social surroundings as a species. It is my hope that I can objectively perceive the world and encourage her (it’s a girl) to not fear, but to think as an individual and fight idiocy with insight.

We’ll see how it goes.

So is she to remain a gf or is this going to spur you to marry her?

The hardest thing with a kid is that if you want to have a meaningful impact on its life, you have to remain in the same area. If you two break up, you'll have to stay near each other. That's where I am with mine. Mom and I split, but I stayed in an area that I would normally never be in because it is best for my daughter. Kid better appreciate that when she gets older!

 

[MGMT]

No, our relationship is/has been great, so if it’s not what either of us were trying to do, might as well take it head on together. It’ll be hard but better with a gf of 5.5 years than someone I barely know.

Not trying to grasp as straws to be positive but that stuff happens and I can’t imagine that kind of situation.

 

[bigfoot5415]

Since no one here knows me personally, and I can't keep secrets I'll spill the beans here.

Wife took 3 pregnancy tests and all came back positive. Dr apt is coming up, and I know we are gonna wait until after that (possibly even 12 wks) to announce. Obviously there is a risk of something happening but right now I am on cloud 9.

I don't think there was a single moment I was more excited and happy in my entire life.

 

[Norm]

Since no one here knows me personally, and I can't keep secrets I'll spill the beans here.

Wife took 3 pregnancy tests and all came back positive. Dr apt is coming up, and I know we are gonna wait until after that (possibly even 12 wks) to announce. Obviously there is a risk of something happening but right now I am on cloud 9.

I don't think there was a single moment I was more excited and happy in my entire life.

BRIAN!!!!!!!!!????????













Jk......congrats man

 

[karlxhungus]

Having my first kid in about two weeks...not freaking out yet. Pretty pumped about it.

 

[Tlyons]

Kids are definitely not for everyone and I completely understand those who do not want to have or raise kids.
The first 4-5 years are a shit load of work and they are generally assholes once they start talking. However, it gets easier and once they start wiping their own ass and doing things on their own it makes life a lot easier. I have to boys ages 7 and 8. My only regret is not having another child!
If your worried about being able to do all the things you used to...you're right...you can't. We used to go to Hawaii every other year and travel like crazy...now, we take one good vacation a year, then a couple smaller cheaper trips since the big ones cost twice as much.
However the rewarding aspects of raising children far out way the negatives...Watching my boys play travel ball and line a double down the third base line...nothing beats it. Their pride when they come home with a good report card or when they beat me in mariokart (which doesn't happen often). Hell, just quietly reading with them in the evening beats the alternative of going to the bar with friends or watching tv by myself.
There has always been shit going on in the world, but I would be the selfish one if I decided the world was just to shitty to have kids instead of giving them the opportunity to make it a better world for themselves.
If you are not committed to the process however, please do everyone a favor and don't have them...the world is full of children who never had a chance because their parents didn't give them one.

Excellent post.

Hit enter a few times and my eyes too will think this post is excellent.

 

[natedagg]

Every time you call someone homie or say things like “you just adopting” it makes me want to throw my son, who means absolutely everything to me, across the room.

I’m certain you’re white.

Couldn’t get past there first page without a reference to 2016, which was a reference to Trump, and how awful the world is.

This is unquestionably a top 5 beta topic ever. Please don’t have kids. Spare them from the same first world problems that your life contains.

But seriously, you are just having cold feet about life’s next phase, and are using your rational logical brain to dance around the emotional meaning. You have decided what you want to believe, and now are inventing reasons to believe it.

I had cold feet about kids, then my buddy said “you don’t want to be 65 trying to toss a football with your high schooler.” Checkmate. Told the wife I was ready.

Anyone saying having kids is selfish is so completely disconnected with parents’ mentalities that there’s no reason to believe that any amount of rational debate will be worth the keystrokes.

And this cruel, heartless world? Exposing your bloodlines to... mortgages?!? I am actually offended by that. You have it so good it’s disgusting. Go take your selflessness to a third world country and get some perspective. Mortgages?!? So embarrassingly out of touch. Sad!

 

[Chris]

Couldn’t get past there first page without a reference to 2016, which was a reference to Trump, and how awful the world is.

This is unquestionably a top 5 beta topic ever. Please don’t have kids. Spare them from the same first world problems that your life contains.

But seriously, you are just having cold feet about life’s next phase, and are using your rational logical brain to dance around the emotional meaning. You have decided what you want to believe, and now are inventing reasons to believe it.

I had cold feet about kids, then my buddy said “you don’t want to be 65 trying to toss a football with your high schooler.” Checkmate. Told the wife I was ready.

Anyone saying having kids is selfish is so completely disconnected with parents’ mentalities that there’s no reason to believe that any amount of rational debate will be worth the keystrokes.

And this cruel, heartless world? Exposing your bloodlines to... mortgages?!? I am actually offended by that. You have it so good it’s disgusting. Go take your selflessness to a third world country and get some perspective. Mortgages?!? So embarrassingly out of touch. Sad!

Probably one of my favorite posts on here in a while.