Dumbest Criminal Ever?

KI4MVP

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There used to be a Bozo Criminal of the Day web site that had great stuff like this, it's long gone, and there are other failed attempts that are also long gone and one that doesn't seem to be any good. But this guy would certainly make that old site.

Man steals car outside Minnesota Walmart, calls owner for help

Sartell police recovered a car reported stolen from Walmart on Monday night, according to a criminal complaint filed in Stearns County District Court.​

According to a police report, the car owner told police she auto-started her car from inside the store that evening and, instead of finding it warmed up, came out to find it gone. The car eventually was found in Isle, about an hour away, along with a Sauk Centre man suspected of stealing it

Walmart video surveillance showed a man driving away with the vehicle at about 8:35 p.m. He was later identified as 37-year-old Edward Leroy Wilson of Sauk Centre, the police report said.

About 10:30 p.m., the owner received a call from a woman saying a man was asking her questions about the car. Wilson then spoke to the owner on the phone, and told her his name was Wayne Hennen and he worked for a glass repair shop.

After Wilson parked the car, it would not start again, so he had called to ask if she would contact someone who could start the car for him, the report said.

Wilson had driven the car more than an hour away to Isle.

During the phone call, Isle police responded to a suspicious person complaint and found it was Wilson and the stolen vehicle. After being arrested, Wilson admitted to stealing the vehicle and that "he knew that it was not a good idea to get in the vehicle," the complaint states.​

https://www.sctimes.com/story/news/2018/02/08/man-steals-vehicle-outside-sartell-walmart-calls-owner-ask-help/319572002/
 
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KI4MVP

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We have a new contender:

Thief hijacked a Chevy Bolt EV failed to get away because ‘he didn’t know how to drive it’, police says

In quite a strange story that happened in Austin, Texas last weekend, a thief successfully hijacked a Chevy Bolt EV, but failed to get away with the car because he ‘didn’t know how to drive electric’, according to the police.

Local news reports that a Chevy Bolt EV owner stopped at the intersection of Gynerium Drive and Tom Kemp Lane in Austin on Saturday. Then a man, now known to 28-year-old Cory Allen Patrick, approached the driver’s side of the car.

The owner rolled down the window and Patrick yelled at the driver to get out of the vehicle. The driver rolled the window back up, but Patrick smashed it. After a struggle, the driver reportedly exited the vehicle as “he did not want to die over a car,” according to an affidavit.

According to the document, Patrick then attempted to drive away but couldn’t because” he didn’t know how to drive an electric car.”

The robber later exited the vehicle after a nearby witness reportedly saw the incident and ran to the rescue armed with a machete. Patrick was later charged with robbery by assault, which in Texas is a second-degree felony punishable by up to 20 years in prison.​

https://electrek.co/2018/02/28/thief-failed-steal-chevy-bolt-hijack/

You drive it exactly the same as any other car.
 

KI4MVP

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A new candidate - I forgot all about this thread until I read this story, that's how dumb this guy is:

Robber breaks into escape room. Then, calls 911 because he can't get out

A man who broke into a Washington state escape room this week called 911 because he couldn’t find a way out.

Early Sunday morning, police called NW Escape Experience owners Rob and Tamara Bertrand, telling them someone had broken into their business. Deputies said a man tried to break in through a back door of the escape room in Vancouver, Washington, which is located inside a strip mall.

When the man couldn't get through the back door, he used a key found in a lockbox to open the mall's electrical room, KATU reports. Then, he found his way inside NW Escape Experience.

The business houses three escape rooms, interactive experiences where participants must solve a series of riddles and puzzles to break free. Rooms are themed, including one known as The Kill Room splattered with fake blood. A steel autopsy table and fake dead body sit inside, Rob told The Washington Post.

Another room recreates the scene of an FBI investigation.

More: Why escape rooms have a lock on the U.S.

Call records indicate the burglar, identified by police as 40-year-old Rye Wardlaw, called 911 from the escape room business four times.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/07/13/man-breaks-into-washington-escape-room-calls-911-when-he-cant-escape/781858002/
 
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KI4MVP

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A new candidate. Man commits fraud, then gets caught because he sues his partners.

This one takes some explaining.

Last year a couple created a go fund me page to raise money for a homeless man who gave the wife his last $20 to buy gas with so she could get home.

They raised $400k

The couple kept most of the money and spent it on themselves and gave him $75k.

The homeless man sued for the rest.

Upon further investigation, most likely triggered by the attention the lawsuit brought, it turns out the whole thing was a fraud, the gas money story was completely made up.

Homeless guy was part of a fraud, then sued his partners in fraud for not giving him his full cut. Now he's going to jail along with them.

 

David.

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Sounds like an "it's always sunny" version of The Informant
 

gourimoko

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A new candidate. Man commits fraud, then gets caught because he sues his partners.

This one takes some explaining.

Last year a couple created a go fund me page to raise money for a homeless man who gave the wife his last $20 to buy gas with so she could get home.

They raised $400k

The couple kept most of the money and spent it on themselves and gave him $75k.

The homeless man sued for the rest.

Upon further investigation, most likely triggered by the attention the lawsuit brought, it turns out the whole thing was a fraud, the gas money story was completely made up.

Homeless guy was part of a fraud, then sued his partners in fraud for not giving him his full cut. Now he's going to jail along with them.

They cheated him out of $58k, basically the remaining portion of his share; but they did give him $75k, and I guess they blew through the rest (apparently spending almost $90k at casinos).

Pretty funny none of them could see a way to milk this for more money, especially the homeless guy.

Incredible all around; and I bet the two wish they just gave the guy his cut... lol.
 

KI4MVP

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Okay, another candidate for dumbest criminal ever, this time it's a really good thing he's this dumb. A man tried to kidnap a woman, she runs into a karate studio, he runs in after her and as the Karate instructor explains:

Ephraim told CNN he was straightening up when the woman rushed inside the studio.

"There were still some kids in the dojo being picked up by parents and a couple of adult students cleaning up when a young lady came through our doors and stated that someone was trying to harm her," he told CNN.

"Shortly afterward, a big male entered the building," he said. "Not knowing what he wanted, I assumed he was inquiring about classes.

"I asked how I could assist him and he stated that he was there for the lady. She insisted that she did not know him and tried to kidnap her."

Ephraim said he asked the man to leave, but he stated he was not going anywhere. "He then tried to force himself further into the dojo, aggressively pushing and swinging," the instructor said.

"I then went into action defending myself and got him out of the dojo. Once outside he attempted to attack again and was dealt with accordingly."

https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/04/us/woman-kidnap-karate-studio-charlotte-trnd/index.html
 

Randolphkeys

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South Euclid, Ohio man just said, "Hold my beer!"

https://www.cleveland.com/metro/2019/01/south-euclid-man-calls-police-to-complain-about-unsatisfactory-sexual-services.html?fbclid=IwAR1WF-mjAgM6bsAXs-dT9Wg4OUderyLadG5Yszi5ON1IK10cjetD2dwdAcI


South Euclid man calls police to complain about unsatisfactory ‘sexual services’
Updated Jan 8, 9:41 PM;

By Cliff Pinckard, cleveland.com

SOUTH EUCLID, Ohio — Police say a man who hired two women to come to his home and perform “sexual services” called officers and accused the women of robbery because he was unhappy with their efforts.

According to a post on the police department’s Facebook page, the 80-year-old man tells police he paid the two women $500. He says they were involved in some sexual activity, but he tells officers the women did not meet his expectations.

The women were gone by the time officers arrived, police say. Officers told the man that although he was unhappy, it was not a robbery attempt.

Police did not say if the man will face any charges.

The man reportedly met the women through a friend in Cleveland.
 
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