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RBF League 2019 - Preparing for Disappointment

King Stannis

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I am always open to folks seeking a trade.

My door is always open.
 

King Stannis

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1996 Daffy Dan’s Lady-Dodgers.

Remember vividly playing the Geppetto Pizza & Ribs Red Panties-n-Sox in a winner take all.

We won 10-9. I walked it off with a straight away grand slam off of Lenny Dykstra’s daughter Dyke Dykstra.

Funny thing is she only played cause her mom moved to Cleveland in the summer of 96 to cheat on Lenny with Jeff Kent...
Songs are sung about Jeff Kent's marvelous magical mustache rides from Arizona to Zambia.

She was right to cheat on Lenny.

Rumor has it she can't see a furry caterpillar moving across a branch without soaking her panties.
 

Randolphkeys

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I couldn't care less about draft considerations. I've been debating on stepping out of the league for the past 2 years.

And let's be honest Keys, I was humoring you by sending you a message. I never had any intention of trading with you.
I have been preparing for disappointment so nothing in this post shocks me.
 

Soda

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1996 Daffy Dan’s Lady-Dodgers.

Remember vividly playing the Geppetto Pizza & Ribs Red Panties-n-Sox in a winner take all.

We won 10-9. I walked it off with a straight away grand slam off of Lenny Dykstra’s daughter Dyke Dykstra.

Funny thing is she only played cause her mom moved to Cleveland in the summer of 96 to cheat on Lenny with Jeff Kent...
You're sounding quite close to my home... Geppettos's & Daffy Dan's? Were you raised in the east burbs?
 

Randolphkeys

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jking948

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I hope everyone in this league is preparing for disappointment. I took the liberty of examining your teams and selecting which two players will create the most disappointment and why.

Stannis - Your most likely player to fuck up the season is Dante Pettis. When the coaching staff can't find anything nice to say to your player all summer and you expect the player to lead the Niners in receiving, it's a problem. Most likely to have health problems is James Conner because cancer. It's not fair that cancer watch is a yearly concern for returning, but life isn't fair. Your top back is probably going to have cancer again and it's a shame.

5thous - Your team is like a hard sideways rain of disappointment. David Johnson is awesome when he is healthy, but playing on a bad team has sort of hidden how often that happens. I can't trust anything associated with that franchise. You also picked up Ty Hilton just days before a guy named Luck crushed the team's soul. Hard to see a career year from him.

PIP - You thrive on disappointment so I will keep this short: Jordan Reed is your only tight end and he bruises like a ripe peach. You also have a doppelganger for The Situation at backup quarterback who is dead set on disappointing the world.

JKing - You went through an autodraft, and robot GM gave you a full drum barrel of dispirited. Zeke Elliott. Hasn't shown up to the Dallas facility for months. What could go wrong? You also have Dontae Freeman, the power back of several concussions, ready for another year of brutal collisions. How could your team possibly disappoint?

Sixpack - If a librarian saw your team, wearing cat eye glasses and a shawl - she would ask you to do a little research. Marquise Brown just had Linsfranc. If an achilles tear is Hitler, I'd like to introduce you to Joseph Stalin: Linsfranc. But it's okay, because you have Melvin Gordon, who is taking a hard stance on running back salaries the year before Zeke Elliott does the same against the new Al Davis, Jerry Jones. Welcome to the NFL's version to a lunatic asylum, population you.

Hurl - If you go to Vegas for the weekend, I hope you have someone to check in with every few hours. You might have a gambling problem. Dalvin Cook will get injured every few games and we all know it. The only question is if he puts it off long enough. Then you go for Kyler Murray as your starting QB. His coach seems to have a bigger gambling addiction than you do, if you believe Lee. If you are afraid you might bet fare from the strip to the airport, hide a few chips in your shoe.

How am I only half done?

Moz - You claimed to be going risk adverse, then you picked Todd Gurley's arthritis and Keenan Allen's well-documented enthusiasm for ruining fantasy football. If you play the board game "Risk", do you put all your armies on Kamchatka and say, "I fucking call your bluff, fate!"

Soda - You took the two players I put on my no draft list: AJ Green and Cam Newton. Green used to be so amazing on those nimble ankles, Cam used to have a cannon for an arm, I get it... But as an old man myself I know when the mind is willing but the body is ground chuck.They have bones made of peanut brittle and skin made of nectarines. Best of luck with stroking the most production out of your beef.

CCF - You finally outdrafted me, thanks for all the whiskey in our side bets. Thanks for not betting me whiskey this year. I hope Derrick Henry and LeSean McCoy liquify upon contact.

Jack Brickman - Injuries are predictable, magic talismans are real, and I am going to make it rain. If there is a God, he hates Will Fuller and thrusts injuries upon him yearly. What can I say about drafting Josh Gordon that hasn't already been said about Richard Pryor's career? Welcome to the medicine show, please tip your Gypsy.

X - We might be trading, we might not, and I don't want to ruin your trade capital at this time. You will suffer from injuries because God hates you and your lustful and gluttonous ways. We both know this, and we both know which players will be involved.

Surge - I remember when you posted around here, and it was magnificent. I also remember when Rashard Penny had crazy buzz out of San Diego State, but then he ate every burrito in San Diego. We will all look back on a player eating his way out of professional sports and laugh someday, but penny for a thought why you took the fat guy? Oh, and Carsen Wentz has quietly been a fragile prissy boy his whole career, people just don't talk about it.

Deezy - I'm exhausted from typing. Your team is even more exhausting. Antonio Brown early in the draft without the soles of his feet? Seriously? I feel like having feet are important to playing the position. You also drafted a tight end that is quasi retired and has been for a few years. Drafting Olsen is like drafting Jerry Seinfeld in a Fantasy Comedian League.

As for my team, I'm fucked too. After the draft I looked at all those stock NFL faces on the Yahoo page and realized I drafted a team that looks like my social circle. My team is like 65% white guys in their early to late 30s. My kids could go to school with the elementary school kids of all these old farts. Cooper Kupp would be that guy who knocked up his high school girlfriend and became a physical trainer right out of high school and has to hang out with Julian Edelman, Travis Kelce, and the old guys on their second family: Drew Brees and Mason Crosby. I hate how I subconsciously want to surround myself with old farts with thinning and whitening hair like me.

TL/DR - Every team in this league sucks.

Have a great first week.
I just want to apologize for missing the draft... @King Stannis can attest for me here. I got invited to two pretty large project so on Monday, and both are due in very early October. The problem is they were supposed to notify me in May, but were emailing the wrong email. This week has been hell. I’m back, though, and willing to deal any RB not named Chubb.
 

Randolphkeys

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You're sounding quite close to my home... Geppettos's & Daffy Dan's? Were you raised in the east burbs?
I'm sure this is common knowledge, but celebrity chef Mychael Symon started out as a pizza cook at a Geppetto's Pizza and Ribs. The location was about 500 feet from my grade school. They also had a trading card store in which they shared parking, and I robbed the store blind of so many old basketball and football cards. I justified it by seeing them upsell so many cards. They shouldn't have been so high.
 

The Wizard of Moz

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I also expect Allen to perform closer to 2017 than 2018 this year. Last year the chargers had less offensive plays than the previous 2 seasons as well as having a higher % of running plays. I think sans Gordon they’re a worse rushing team and worse team overall that will lead to them throwing the ball more

Pass attemptsRushes
2016580398
2017583419
2018512399

The difference of 70 less pass attempts pretty significantly hurts a high volume (or any) WR’s production.

Allen had 23 less targets last year than in 2017. In the last 2 years he has gotten 27.3 and 26.5% of his team’s targets. Take that percentage and if the chargers revert to the previous 2 season’s amount of attempts and it equates to about 19 more targets for Allen, Putting him right around 10/game. With volume like that I think he will be easily in the top 8

Now you can argue the less passing was due to Rivers aging, but I think it had more to do with winning more than they usually do and riding the ground game
I demand everyone come in and praise this take and also condemn Keys
 

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