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The Cavs All-Stiff Team: UPDATED -- Nominations Still Open for PG (SG Closed with 10 nominations)

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The Human Q-Tip

Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up!
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Plenty of threads have been devoted to great (or at least good...) Cavs players. This is for the opposite end -- the worst of the worst. The bums, the stiffs, the has-beens that never were. So let's see what kind of a roster we can put together, along with a starting five. Pick your favorite awful player, nominate him, and we'll see how it goes.

The only real requirement is that the guy must actually have played some decent minutes -- not just an end of the bench G-League guy who never really got in. If a player was a higher draft pick, etc., so much the better. The more boneheaded plays, the better. Also, each post should focus on just one guy, so each of these meatheads gets the attention he truly earned. If this thread gets any interest, I'll keep a running tab in this post of the nominees at each of the 5 positions. Otherwise, I'll just delete this post and pretend I never made it.

C: DeSagna Diop, Chris Mihm, Milos Babic, Kim Hughes, Tim Kempton, Andrew Bynum, Dinner Bell Mel Turpin, Jay Guidinger, Ryan Stack, Aj. Bramlett

PF: Danny Ferry, John Lambert, Richard Washington, Leon Powe, Anthony Bennett, Luke Harangody, Samardo Samuels, Earl Clark

SF: Ira Newble, Jiri Welsch, Randolph Keys, Omri Casspi, Alonzo Gee, Darius Miles, Nick Stauskas, Joe Graham, Derrick Chievous, Winston Bennett, Sergei Karasev

SG: Chad Kinch, Trajan Langdon, Damon Jones, Chuckie Williams, Christian Eyenga, Harold Miner, Gerald Madkins, Bryant Stith, John Morton, Dion Waiters.

PG: Keven Ollie, Mike Bratz, David Wesley, Milt Palacio, Lester Hudson, Eric Snow, Jawad Williams, Isiaiah Thomas.

Coach: Bill Musselman, Byron Scott, John Beilein, Randy Wittman, Mike Brown, Don Delaney.

Rather than going with the lowest of the low hanging fruit, and taking the obvious pick at power forward, I'll start at the 5....

DeSagna Diop - High Ceiling, Ridiculously Low Floor

Desagna.jpg


He wanted to be known as "Baby Shaq"

Shaq.jpg

but he was much closer to being "Baby Shit"


Baby Shit 1.jpg


The Cavs' 2001 first round pick, No. 6 overall, was a 7', 290 lbs (it varied....) Man-Baby who, during his 4 years with the Cavs, managed a blistering 1.6 ppg. He actually managed to stay in the NBA for 12 seasons without ever scoring more than 3.0 ppg. He averaged only 2.0 ppg for his career -- how was that even possible to stay in the league that long, and be that bad at basketball? His one usable skill in the NBA was shot-blocking -- and he averaged 1.0 bpg during his stellar 12 year career. One of the few guys in the league to have had more baby fat on him when he left the league than when he entered it.
 
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Great thread idea. So many candidates that we might have to separate out teams by decade.

I've already given my pick away by having him as my avatar for years:

Ira Newble - SF

newble_passing.jpg


Signed to a five-year contract the same week as (leaving this one open for somebody else), Newble did his level best to solidify his position as Worst Cavs Perimeter Jump Shot Since Mike Sanders. The play pictured above may literally be Newble's best as a Cavalier. He was known as a defensive specialist, but it was less of the "he's actually a stopper and defense" and more of the "he sucks on offense, so let's pretend he's out there for his D."

He played a fair amount of SG during his time here, so we could move him there if needed. But I have some level of objection to that on principle, as I expect my SGs to be able to, well, S.
 
Great thread idea. So many candidates that we might have to separate out teams by decade.

I've already given my pick away by having him as my avatar for years:

Ira Newble - SF

View attachment 3122


Signed to a five-year contract the same week as (leaving this one open for somebody else), Newble did his level best to solidify his position as Worst Cavs Perimeter Jump Shot Since Mike Sanders. The play pictured above may literally be Newble's best as a Cavalier. He was known as a defensive specialist, but it was less of the "he's actually a stopper and defense" and more of the "he sucks on offense, so let's pretend he's out there for his D."

He played a fair amount of SG during his time here, so we could move him there if needed. But I have some level of objection to that on principle, as I expect my SGs to be able to, well, S.

I was a lowkey fan of Ira. He surprised you every once in awhile with a 20 point game.

With that being said.....good choice.
 
Danny Ferry - did you know he's 9th all-time in minutes and 3rd in games played for the franchise?
 
Are we going to pick a bench too? Because I have more SFs lined up and raring to go. (Will wait a bit to give others a chance to play though.)
 
Danny Ferry - did you know he's 9th all-time in minutes and 3rd in games played for the franchise?

That's only because he was signed to that god-awful 10 year guaranteed contract, and nobody in their right mind would take him off our hands. He was a good shooter, but could pretty much do nothing else on the court. A friend of mine who was a good friend of Danny's said that the time he played on those horrible courts in Italy ruined his knee, and destroyed his mobility. But....yeah.

The contract alone was terrible, and a 6-10 guy averaging only 5 boards per 36 was...not good. So I'll add him to the list as a PF.
 
Are we going to pick a bench too? Because I have more SFs lined up and raring to go. (Will wait a bit to give others a chance to play though.)

Oh yeah, there's a whole roster of bums and stiffs to fill. We'll pick the "starters" at some point, and then the rest of the guys can be the bench.
 
That's only because he was signed to that god-awful 10 year guaranteed contract, and nobody in their right mind would take him off our hands. He was a good shooter, but could pretty much do nothing else on the court. A friend of mine who was a good friend of Danny's said that the time he played on those horrible courts in Italy ruined his knee, and destroyed his mobility. But....yeah.

The contract alone was terrible, and a 6-10 guy averaging only 5 boards per 36 was...not good. So I'll add him to the list as a....small forward?
He played mostly PF (makes those rebound numbers even sadder)
 
Where is Dujaun Wagner? Not saying it was his own fault, as he got sick and all, but he was picked high and never came close to meeting expectations..

And there there in Anthony Bennet..

So I don't think it's newble qualifies as a bum, because that floor is pretty friggin low..
 
Where is Dujaun Wagner? Not saying it was his own fault, as he got sick and all, but he was picked high and never came close to meeting expectations..

And there there in Anthony Bennet..

So I don't think it's newble qualifies as a bum, because that floor is pretty friggin low..

If you want to nominate someone, give us a clue as to why and I'll add him to the list. Anthony Bennett definitely deserves a write-up. Honestly going to be hard to keep him out of that starting lineup!
 
Signed to a five-year contract the same week as (leaving this one open for somebody else)

I see what you did there: Point Guard nominee Kevin Ollie

a-pick-of-ollie-and-silasjpg-0c3c4dbedf0e121d.jpg

A veteran third point guard for almost a dozen teams, in his athletic peak he was Eric Snow's backup for the 76ers. In other words, he specialized in what would now be known as hand checking and fouling without refs noticing, just not as well as the man who eventually replaced him. So naturally, being devoid of any offensive skill, Jim Paxson snatched him up to help Newble stagnate LeBron's offense for half a decade. Technically, he could dribble a little bit on offense. He was also second only to Wally Sczerbiak in ass slaps, leading to a less-then-mediocre coaching career.
 
Our SG spot 07-08 was utter garbage Devin Brown, Damon Jones, Sasha Palvovic.
 

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