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The Pursuit of Happiness

Chris

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Hey guys.

Wanted to make this post for awhile now but couldn’t find the words. I wanted to maybe glean some insight from some of the life experiences here because I can’t be the only one ever gone through periods like this.

As many here know, I lost my job in Florida and moved to Charlotte with my long time girlfriend in 2018. It was either NC or Ohio; my parents are here along with some other relatives, her entire family and my brother are in Ohio. It was NC because she didn’t think she could teach in Ohio and would have to jump through a bunch of hoops, so we settled in Charlotte.

I struggled to find a job for awhile, whereas she found a teaching job easily. Eventually, I took a bottom of the barrel customer service gig with a top tier company, as the benefits were fantastic, with great tuition assistance if I decided to go back to school, and upwards movement was said to be pretty quick and easy here. Plus I really needed a job and it paid well enough to live comfortably.

First few months were okay but it quickly spiraled downhill at this gig. I loathe customer service- I ran sales in Florida and while I don’t love sales either it gave me autonomy to do things how I wanted as well as paid a ton of money. Here, I sit at a desk and talk to people all fucking day, deal with the scum of the earth, can barely take a shit without worrying about bring logged in, and upwards mobility happens but seems like much more of a long term prospect than I was sold on.

Long story short, I’m miserable at the job, I hate waking up, I hate coming in, I had some sort of anxiety/panic attack episode last week and now I’m seeing a doctor for anxiety which I’ve never ever had a history of. I dread work. It’s an awful existence. So that’s the part about work. I want to find another job, but as an idiot communications major who expected to be career military because that’s all I ever wanted to do... I’m not professionally prepared to find anything halfway decent it seems without acquiring further qualifications. I’ve been wanting to do an MBA, but that’s a long term thing and I can’t suffer here for years. Just can’t. Problem is they’ll pay for it- see the catch 22 here?

So work makes me miserable. My relationship with my girlfriend is strong but even outside of work I get little fulfillment. Really, WE get little fulfillment. We have no friends here. My family is still hours away, we see them here and there and have fun but we don’t know anybody in our immediate vicinity. All our friends are in Ohio. My best friend from my hometown who lived in Florida the last five years even moved back to Ohio recently. We just go to work, come home and hang out. Neither of us are happy.

So recently the girlfriend springs this idea on me that we move back to Ohio next year. Her rationale is we’re both unhappy, my brother and his family are there, her entire family is there with all our friends, and I hate my job here anyways. I was mad at first because it’s more stress on my plate when im ready to burst already... more i thought about it though the more it made sense. I love my parents but I am also very independent and dont need to be near them, I can make the drive down whenever I want whereas my girlfriend is very unhappy not being near her family. Obviously the main concern is executing another job search in Ohio...

Now I have all these variables, we’re both unhappy here, my job is excruciating, do we find a way to make it work in NC or just take another plunge and flee back to Ohio... what does any of this mean for me going back to get a Masters, etc...

Fuck this post got long. I’m sorry. Basically I’m a fucking anxiety ridden depressed piece of shit right now, trying to figure out... how the HELL do you find true happiness in life? I feel like I was there in college, even in Florida for a couple years... I miss that feeling. I want it back.

Appreciate any insight, as always.
 
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The Human Q-Tip

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Hey guys.

Wanted to make this post for awhile now but couldn’t find the words. I wanted to maybe glean some insight from some of the life experiences here because I can’t be the only one ever gone through periods like this.

As many here know, I lost my job in Florida and moved to Charlotte with my long time girlfriend in 2018. It was either NC or Ohio; my parents are here along with some other relatives, her entire family and my brother are in Ohio. It was NC because she didn’t think she could teach in Ohio and would have to jump through a bunch of hoops, so we settled in Charlotte.

I struggled to find a job for awhile, whereas she found a teaching job easily. Eventually, I took a bottom of the barrel customer service gig with a top tier company, as the benefits were fantastic, with great tuition assistance if I decided to go back to school, and upwards movement was said to be pretty quick and easy here. Plus I really needed a job and it paid well enough to live comfortably.

First few months were okay but it quickly spiraled downhill at this gig. I loathe customer service- I ran sales in Florida and while I don’t love sales either it gave me autonomy to do things how I wanted as well as paid a ton of money. Here, I sit at a desk and talk to people all fucking day, deal with the scum of the earth, can barely take a shit without worrying about bring logged in, and upwards mobility happens but seems like much more of a long term prospect than I was sold on.

Long story short, I’m miserable at the job, I hate waking up, I hate coming in, I had some sort of anxiety/panic attack episode last week and now I’m seeing a doctor for anxiety which I’ve never ever had a history of. I dread work. It’s an awful existence. So that’s the part about work. I want to find another job, but as an idiot communications major who expected to be career military because that’s all I ever wanted to do... I’m not professionally prepared to find anything halfway decent it seems without acquiring further qualifications. I’ve been wanting to do an MBA, but that’s a long term thing and I can’t suffer here for years. Just can’t. Problem is they’ll pay for it- see the catch 22 here?

So work makes me miserable. My relationship with my girlfriend is strong but even outside of work I get little fulfillment. Really, WE get little fulfillment. We have no friends here. My family is still hours away, we see them here and there and have fun but we don’t know anybody in our immediate vicinity. All our friends are in Ohio. My best friend from my hometown who lived in Florida the last five years even moved back to Ohio recently. We just go to work, come home and hang out. Neither of us are happy.

So recently the girlfriend springs this idea on me that we move back to Ohio next year. Her rationale is we’re both unhappy, my brother and hia family are there, her entire family is there with all our friends, and I hate my job here anyways. I was mad at first because it’s more stress on my plate when im ready to burst already... more i thought about it though the more it made sense. I love my parents but I am also very independent and dont need to be near them, I can make the drive down whenever I want whereas my girlfriend is very unhappy not being near her family. Obviously the main concern is executing another job search in Ohio...

Now I have all these variables, we’re both unhappy here, my job is excruciating, do we find a way to make it work in NC or just take another plunge and flee back to Ohio... what does any of this mean for me going back to get a Masters, etc...

Fuck this post got long. I’m sorry. Basically I’m a fucking anxiety ridden depressed piece of shit right now, trying to figure out... how the HELL do you find true happiness in life? I feel like I was there in college, even in Florida for a couple years... I miss that feeling. I want it back.

Appreciate any insight, as always.
Just looking at this analytically...you are miserable in N.C.. So, you have to leave.

A job search back in Ohio may be a ton of pressure, but you hate your current job so much that it doesn't sound like you could stay there anyway. And tuition assistance isn't going to solve the anxiety or depression you feel due to your current job.

Also...you say your relationship with your gf is strong, and that seems like the best thing you've got going on right now. And she wants to move.

So move.
 
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Chris

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Just looking at this analytically...you are miserable in N.C.. So, you have to leave.

A job search back in Ohio may be a ton of pressure, but you hate your current job so much that it doesn't sound like you could stay there anywhere. And tuition assistance isn't going to solve the anxiety or depression you feel due to your current job.

Also...you say your relationship with your gf is strong, and that seems like the best thing you've got going on right now. And she wants to move.

So move.
Definitely where it’s leaning but there is zero guarantee I can find a livable job in Ohio. I’ve begun my preliminary search though just to see what’s up there.
 

The Human Q-Tip

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Definitely where it’s leaning but there is zero guarantee I can find a livable job in Ohio. I’ve begun my preliminary search though just to see what’s up there.
Obviously, there's no guarantee. But I'd bet the house that as a fallback, you could at least find an equally crappy customer service job in a call center until something better comes along. And at least you'd be in a place with all your friends, a happier gf, etc....
 

The Oi

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Break yourself down to the core:

What are you best at? As in what are you doing when you are truly happiest?

I’m not talking about work. Just anything.
 

The Oi

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Also, you’re not a piece of shit. You’re just in a bad place at the moment, a moment which feels long. Longer than it is in the grand scheme of things.

I know what you meant when you said you were a piece of shit by the way. I think you know you aren’t a piece of shit and that’s just a few words that popped out at the end of a sentence but its still something you typed so it caught my attention and maybe others too.

Try to think about what you’re doing or thinking or where you are when you don’t feel like a piece of shit.
 

Huber.

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Definitely where it’s leaning but there is zero guarantee I can find a livable job in Ohio. I’ve begun my preliminary search though just to see what’s up there.
A livable job in Ohio is picking apples on the weekend for 3 hours. If LeBron can come home so can you.....You can always leave again like LeBron without explaining it to anyone if it doesn't work out.
 

Dog

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Happiness is a beautiful state of being, but it's also a daily discipline that can only be achieved in the moment, and purposely flees from us on the pendulum of life in order for us to evolve.

Here are some daily reminders that will improve your state of being:
  • Exercise- Break a sweat every day. Increased blood flow increases the oxygen levels in your body.
  • Meditation- Put aside every distraction, and focus on your breathing. Practice mindfulness, and become aware of your bad thought patterns. Your higher self will steer you in the right direction.
  • Good diet- Think of everything you consume as an energy transfer, and be thankful. Drink more water.
  • Community- If your friends are far away, call them and see how they're doing. Compliment 10 strangers a day. You get what you give.
  • Be who you want to be, not who others want you to be. Happiness is wisdom, don't absorb other people's bad energy.
  • Take a break from social media, it's not good for you.
  • Follow your heart.
Good luck man. The world is sick right now, and a lot of people are hurting, but a wave of love is coming.
 

The Oi

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Happiness is a beautiful state of being, but it's also a daily discipline that can only be achieved in the moment, and purposely flees from us on the pendulum of life in order for us to evolve.

Here are some daily reminders that will improve your state of being:
  • Exercise- Break a sweat every day. Increased blood flow increases the oxygen levels in your body.
  • Meditation- Put aside every distraction, and focus on your breathing. Practice mindfulness, and become aware of your bad thought patterns. Your higher self will steer you in the right direction.
  • Good diet- Think of everything you consume as an energy transfer, and be thankful. Drink more water.
  • Community- If your friends are far away, call them and see how they're doing. Compliment 10 strangers a day. You get what you give.
  • Be who you want to be, not who others want you to be. Happiness is wisdom, don't absorb other people's bad energy.
  • Take a break from social media, it's not good for you.
  • Follow your heart.
Good luck man. The world is sick right now, and a lot of people are hurting, but a wave of love is coming.
Love all of this and agree with everything.
 
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David.

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Happiness is a beautiful state of being, but it's also a daily discipline that can only be achieved in the moment, and purposely flees from us on the pendulum of life in order for us to evolve.

Here are some daily reminders that will improve your state of being:
  • Exercise- Break a sweat every day. Increased blood flow increases the oxygen levels in your body.
  • Meditation- Put aside every distraction, and focus on your breathing. Practice mindfulness, and become aware of your bad thought patterns. Your higher self will steer you in the right direction.
  • Good diet- Think of everything you consume as an energy transfer, and be thankful. Drink more water.
  • Community- If your friends are far away, call them and see how they're doing. Compliment 10 strangers a day. You get what you give.
  • Be who you want to be, not who others want you to be. Happiness is wisdom, don't absorb other people's bad energy.
  • Take a break from social media, it's not good for you.
  • Follow your heart.
Good luck man. The world is sick right now, and a lot of people are hurting, but a wave of love is coming.
This man "positive psychologys"
 
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David.

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Finding softball was the most beneficial thing to my mental health I've come across. You're sociable all the time, active, having fun. Maybe try finding that ort something like it
 

The Oi

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Finding softball was the most beneficial thing to my mental health I've come across. You're sociable all the time, active, having fun. Maybe try finding that ort something like it
Picked it up from Rogan but he’s right. We’re monkeys. We’re communal beings.

We’re meant to hang out in a big tribe working towards common goals, mating and playing.

All of the other shit is a bunch of social constructs we created over time. Co-ed softball (nothing against gays, gay softball would work for gays!) would combine all of this together in one big soup and constantly hit people’s brains in the right spots. Then hanging out afterwards. That’s the way we were intended to live.
 

Urban

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Moving back to Ohio sounds like a no brainer to me.

I know you seem to despise your job, I've been there, but imagine how much more you'd be enjoying yourself if you were surrounded by friends and family right now. They give you a distraction and things to look forward to after work/on weekends outside of a shitty 9-5.

Totally get the stress of moving again and looking for jobs again, but clearly what you're doing right now isn't working for either of you.
 

David.

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Jonathan haidt has some great stuff on positive psychology. Read or listen to Happiness Hypothesis. Goes into all of this in depth on a scientific level.
 

Adam

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I would recommend any stoic textbooks or the 'courage to be disliked' might help you get to a place where you can make some life decisions
 

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