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The Pursuit of Happiness

el_capitan

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It definitely sounds like moving back to Ohio is probably the right move at this point. Outside of the benefit of just having more people you know here, which increases your networking odds of possibly finding a job, it seems like almost all of your friends are here. Working a shitty job can definitely be soul crushing, but knowing that after that job you're going to get dinner/drinks/Tribe game with friends, it helps balance you back out until you can find something you really like. I say go for it.
 

The Oi

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Help me understand the value of stoicism. Do you embrace emotion or ignore it?
 

The Human Q-Tip

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Help me understand the value of stoicism. Do you embrace emotion or ignore it?
That is a fucking great question, though somewhat tough to answer because there are different schools of thought/variations on stoicism.

For me, I think stoicism is commonly misunderstood as suppressing your emotions. I don't think that's accurate. To me, the Serenity Prayer is actually the best short statement of stoicism as I understand it, even though it was written more than 2000 years after the first stoic philosophers. And here it is.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference
.

One of the great little anecdotes contained in Aurelius' Meditations is how he's about to spend the day negotiating and dealing with some extraordinarily difficult, nasty people. So, he reminds himself before the day starts that the people he's going to be dealing with are idiots, rotten, etc.., and that he should go into the day aware of that as an unchangeable reality, and so just accept it. He's not going to let something he cannot change destroy his own mood and ability to function. He simply accepts it before starting out.

So he's not actually suppressing emotions. He's simply understand and accepting the factors that normally might set him off his emotional keel, so those emotions don't rise up in the first place.

So let's say you know you have a shitty day coming up. You address that mentally in the morning. Okay, "I know this guy is going to yell at me, and I know there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it. I also know that 8 hours from now, that unpleasant experience is going to be over, and I'm going to be back home." You play it over in your mind before going in so that there isn't that "shock" factor. You expect what is coming, and so are in a better mental place to deal with it when it actually happens. It may still shake you anyway, but you'll be far better off because you'll know ahead of time that you can handle it.

ETA: Well, I guess I'm not the first to make the connection between the Serenity Prayer and stoicism. Decided to google it, and found this:

 
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CleveRocks

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As a rule, when it comes to jobs and relocation, I prefer to walk to the solution instead of running from the problem..

When you are not happy, you are out of balance. For example you may be an active person at a desk job.. you have to make an honest assessment of what your ideal day looks like, and consider what kind of work does that. Then you need to draw a map from where you are to there.. it's not easy to effect change , bit you have to commit to it. Cut out everything that is not helping you get there..

Ironically, when I lived in Charlotte, there were more people there (Huntersville) from Ohio than from Charlotte..
 

The Oi

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No ups, no downs. Nothing rocks the core..
Not judging here, trying to understand.

What’s the benefit of not experiencing joy? Or processing the downs? Do you process the downs and accept that they are real?
 

Dog

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That is a fucking great question, though somewhat tough to answer because there are different schools of thought/variations on stoicism.

For me, I think stoicism is commonly misunderstood as suppressing your emotions. I don't think that's accurate. To me, the Serenity Prayer is actually the best short statement of stoicism as I understand it, even though it was written more than 2000 years after the first stoic philosophers. And here it is.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference
.

One of the great little anecdotes contained in Aurelius' Meditations is how he's about to spend the day negotiating and dealing with some extraordinarily difficult, nasty people. So, he reminds himself before the day starts that the people he's going to be dealing with are idiots, rotten, etc.., and that he should go into the day aware of that as an unchangeable reality, and so just accept it. He's not going to let something he cannot change destroy his own mood and ability to function. He simply accepts it before starting out.

So he's not actually suppressing emotions. He's simply understand and accepting the factors that normally might set him off his emotional keel, so those emotions don't rise up in the first place.
Very well put.
 

The Oi

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That is a fucking great question, though somewhat tough to answer because there are different schools of thought/variations on stoicism.

For me, I think stoicism is commonly misunderstood as suppressing your emotions. I don't think that's accurate. To me, the Serenity Prayer is actually the best short statement of stoicism as I understand it, even though it was written more than 2000 years after the first stoic philosophers. And here it is.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference
.

One of the great little anecdotes contained in Aurelius' Meditations is how he's about to spend the day negotiating and dealing with some extraordinarily difficult, nasty people. So, he reminds himself before the day starts that the people he's going to be dealing with are idiots, rotten, etc.., and that he should go into the day aware of that as an unchangeable reality, and so just accept it. He's not going to let something he cannot change destroy his own mood and ability to function. He simply accepts it before starting out.

So he's not actually suppressing emotions. He's simply understand and accepting the factors that normally might set him off his emotional keel, so those emotions don't rise up in the first place.
Now this makes sense.

I like this. So you basically dont absorb bad energy as @Dog put it.

There are certainly bad actors in the world, some of them who dont even realize theyre doing what they’re doing and why. You dont allow them to affect you.
 

The Human Q-Tip

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I should add that for me personally, practicing stoicism means that when I know things are about to get tough, I will remind myself ahead of time of anything positive in my life, so that I have that as a foundation mentally survive the bad thing. So in the situation @Chris is facing, you remind yourself, "I have a great gf with whom I have a strong relationship, and a bunch of friends who like and appreciate me. And there's not a damn thing a career crisis can do to take that away from me."

Sometimes, it means finding pleasure in very small things. But the whole goal of stoicism is to not let the bad things in your life ruin the good things. So like I said, I see the core of that in the Serenity Prayer. I don't actually say that to myself, but I think it works to understand the concept.
 
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The Human Q-Tip

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As a rule, when it comes to jobs and relocation, I prefer to walk to the solution instead of running from the problem..
This is another good way of looking at it. Some people who can't get centered end up being unable to act, and so unable to change their situation to make their life better. To me, "acceptance" is really the healthy core of stoicism. Accept that your situation sucks - humor can sometimes help -- and then figure out as best you can how to fix it.

For an example of what I mean by humor in those situation, consider the Marcus Aurelius example of him having to deal with nasty idiots. He's sitting there the idiots say something stupid/nasty, and says to himself "you know, I knew before we met that you were an idiot, so thanks for backing me up on that." You get a little inward smile from that rather than the frustration of dealing with the idiocy.
 

Dog

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This should help you breathe a bit.
 

Jack Brickman

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It sounds like the main issue is that you don't have friends here. So make some friends here. Join a kickball league or something similar tailored to your interests. You'll interact with people and probably get to liking some of them. From there, it's an easy step to going out for drinks afterward, and then meeting up on weekends, etc. Me and a few of my apartment building neighbors did kickball for a few years through Nakid and met a lot of cool people.

Charlotte's got a ton of cool places. Check them out. No idea what part of town you're in, but South End, NoDa, and Midwood are all filled with awesome bars and restaurants and breweries. Go out and explore. If you want some recommendations, I've been here almost eight years so I've got plenty. Maybe you'll meet some friends going out too. I've been seeing the same couple in a bar I frequent for years now and I recently got invited to their upcoming wedding. :chuckle:

ETA: Having a dog is also a great way to meet people here depending on where you're at. I've met most of my friends in the dog part attached to my apartment or through the friends I've met out there. Of course, this requires having a dog and living near a dog park.
 
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Dog

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@The Oi brought up a good point to me about social media.

It is not neccesarily "bad for you" like I said in my original post. I let it get bad for myself, but I wasn't using social media in a healthy capacity.

Obviously, this, RCF, is a form of social media. I consider what we're talking about right now a good usage of our social media time. Find the right dosage.

Underneath it all, social media is vastly intelligent discourse stemming from infinite perspectives...which makes it easy to get swept up in. It's also easy to get completely lost in it and forget who you truly are. True power comes from within. You always see a reflection on the outside of what you feel on the inside.

Good luck on your pursuit brother.
 

Ohio

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Sometimes you gotta just say fuck it and do what you want. I was in a similar boat a few years ago, my job was meh, I didn't like the area I lived in and I had no friends. This was right after College, too. Life quickly became boring as shit. So after a year and a half I said fuck it and moved back to Ohio, even though I didn't know anybody in Columbus outside of family, which made the first year or so kinda tough. But, as @Jack Brickman just mentioned, I joined a kickball team and ended up becoming really good friends with a couple guys from the team. And through them I became really good friends with a couple more guys by going out drinking, going to different festivals and events, etc. Now we all get together multiple times a week. I also fucking love my job right now, other than being a bit underpaid at the moment (that should be changing soon, hopefully). I've made some good friends at work too. Yesterday I was at the Clippers game with work and a few of us ended up going out after and had a blast. We did a similar thing a few weeks ago on a Friday and ended up at the bars for like 12 hours :chuckle:

I've moved a lot in my life, so I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me. But I think you need to just say fuck it and do what you want. I've been doing what I want since I moved here and just been having fun. I love where I live, I love my job, I got good friends here, I got family here, and being an OSU/Cleveland sports fan is a big bonus. Football season is going to be fucking wild this year.

You won't have many regrets if you do what you want.
 

Chris

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Sometimes you gotta just say fuck it and do what you want. I was in a similar boat a few years ago, my job was meh, I didn't like the area I lived in and I had no friends. This was right after College, too. Life quickly became boring as shit. So after a year and a half I said fuck it and moved back to Ohio, even though I didn't know anybody in Columbus outside of family, which made the first year or so kinda tough. But, as @Jack Brickman just mentioned, I joined a kickball team and ended up becoming really good friends with a couple guys from the team. And through them I became really good friends with a couple more guys by going out drinking, going to different festivals and events, etc. Now we all get together multiple times a week. I also fucking love my job right now, other than being a bit underpaid at the moment (that should be changing soon, hopefully). I've made some good friends at work too. Yesterday I was at the Clippers game with work and a few of us ended up going out after and had a blast. We did a similar thing a few weeks ago on a Friday and ended up at the bars for like 12 hours

I've moved a lot in my life, so I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me. But I think you need to just say fuck it and do what you want. I've been doing what I want since I moved here and just been having fun. I love where I live, I love my job, I got good friends here, I got family here, and being an OSU/Cleveland sports fan is a big bonus. Football season is going to be fucking wild this year.

You won't have many regrets if you do what you want.
Columbus would be where we move if we do come
back. Outside getting blasted and almost killed, those were some of the best years of my life too, living in that area. It’d all be about finding a job there. We’d be right by my brother and his family, a stones throw from her family in Cleveland, got plenty of friends in both cities.... lots of positives with the move back to Ohio. It’s almost like I know it’s what I need to do but my feet are just stuck in cement because I’m afraid of the job search and uprooting my life for the third time in 4 years....

But it might just be the thing to do. I don’t know the answer. Looking for any sort of clarity I guess thats why Im here.

Im at work or I’d reply to more posts but I appreciate everything guys.
 

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