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Dealing with an unwanted divorce as a dude.
- Thread starter WarAdmiral
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WarAdmiral
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Today, I found out that she is seeing another man. I surprisingly am ok, although when I asked her if there was someone else, she denied it. I know they are talking and know they planned to meet and both couldn't wait, so I am done wanting her back. I guess the games begin, but I am torn to use my children as pawn pieces per say, but I feel obligated to fight for my right to be their Father equally. I had an elderly lady come up to me after the meeting, and tell me that God has plans for me. Made me feel pretty good about where I am headed and where I am at, even with having to go through one of the worst things a person can go through.
QuadrupleDouble
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Yeah, don't settle for less than half. It really is the norm now. You have to seriously fuck up to not get your kids half the time.
It's actually a pretty good deal once you get past the notion of not having your kid with you constantly as you're used to. You get time to pursue and live your single life and she does as well.
It's not easy no matter what, but shared parenting can be good for both parents. The problem is women think that guys should only be every other weekend parents and that shit is ironed on to their brain. They also use that because they know when they have more custody you have more child support paid.
The big thing is to start showing now that you want as much time with your children as possible. She wants to go out with some other dude? Sure, you'll babysit for her. If you haven't been ultra involved, get as involved as possible so you can demonstrate that you are as big a part of your children's life as possible. The court doesn't want to keep parents from their kids.
It's actually a pretty good deal once you get past the notion of not having your kid with you constantly as you're used to. You get time to pursue and live your single life and she does as well.
It's not easy no matter what, but shared parenting can be good for both parents. The problem is women think that guys should only be every other weekend parents and that shit is ironed on to their brain. They also use that because they know when they have more custody you have more child support paid.
The big thing is to start showing now that you want as much time with your children as possible. She wants to go out with some other dude? Sure, you'll babysit for her. If you haven't been ultra involved, get as involved as possible so you can demonstrate that you are as big a part of your children's life as possible. The court doesn't want to keep parents from their kids.
WarAdmiral
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She is open to shared custody, but wanted the kids to have a say in it. I agreed, and it puts me at a disadvantage cause she will keep the home. Financially, I would be better to move the brother in laws house in Solon, and would be much closer to work, but if the kids are ok with shared custody, than I will suck it up and do whatever I got to do to make that happen.
QuadrupleDouble
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How old are the kids? And why does she get to stay in the house
If you're going to take that path, you'd better talk to Ben/Glenn about having this thread erased ...
QuadrupleDouble
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meh, it never came up in mine and that was about as ugly as you can get. I would just edit out the pill parts.
Of course, they pretty much had to scrub the entire web site at first for me, but then I went back and had the same stories again.
I would just ask that this thread be moved to EAYOR, which isn't searchable unless you're a member. The chances of your wife knowing about your RCF habit, or even thinking there would be anything useful here in a divorce are remote.
My ex just knew I was a crazy cavs fan, but probably didn't think about the off topic and EAYOR discussion areas.
I would just stop negotiating with her regarding all this stuff. To me, it sounds like you're just thinking you're going to have to give her everything. If you haven't talked to a lawyer about all your rights, including property rights, you need to just stop negotiating.
My wife said she wanted shared parenting too. Her idea of fair shared parenting was 13 hours a week. She said that would increase once our daughter was 7. She thought in her mind that this was completely fair. Let your kids have a say in custody? If they are old enough they will be able to have a huge say, if they're not, only their well being is taken in to consideration in the court.
Nobody just gets to keep the house. You pretty much split up assets in a divorce. Here's the bad news, she might be able to get about half your retirement. The good news, she'll owe for half the house. A lot of times the house has to be ordered to be sold to divy up the equity. In my case, I had to pay my wife 3500 when five years ago I put in the downpayment and paid every single mortgage payment. They essentially took my premarital down payment from an opinionated value of the home and came up with 50% of that being owed to the ex if I wanted to keep the house.
You just need to lawyer up. Just know your rights. As a man, we assume the court is always in their favor, they're not. They may not always seem fair, but at least knowing what the court makes decisions based on is huge.
I was in court before my trial one day and was just sitting there as this dude's wife was trying to rail road his ass hard. She was pulling some shit that he owed her alimony because he made 90 and she made 75. Wanted all the house because of inheritence, wanted half the dude's retirment (I'm sure she had none since she only made a little less than him), wanted child support and only wanted him to be a weekend dad. I actually wonder how that turned out.
I had a female judge. Wife wanted full custody, alimony, child support, very limited visitation, most of the crap out of the house, thought there was hidden money, etc. I really had no objections to most of her stuff at first until she thought she would take me to the wood shed over my child. I got called a dead beat for not giving her support before there were orders. I fought for more custody than what she was offering only. That's how my shit got ugly. She thought she was just going to have her way no matter what because she was above reproach and a woman. Shit turned on her quick and she ended up with less than she would have without her absurd thoughts on what she was owed.
The courts will be fair, but you better not just start making assumptions on what seems fair coming out of her mouth.
For heaven's sake, read my thread and get a fucking lawyer. You want to get divorced? The court will appoint a mediator first to try that but you have to file for them to do it. I had the same idea as not filing because I didn't want my kid to think that I was the one who wanted to break apart the family because that's how I thought it would be told to her from her mother and her family. She forced my hand when she filed for a change of address that could have had a much different court venue. That's when the court asked us in to mediation. It could have been real cheap and ended in there with a settlement, but again my wife would not be reasonable in there and the mediator saw it. She would not give me anything close to shared parenting and the mediator was incredibly brilliant in his tactics. She just thought she was being fair even though the mediator was trying to show her she was being unreasonable. This then lead to court where they try their hardest to get you to negotiate rather than going to trial.
You just need to get your ass to a lawyer and hope that you can get a reasonable settlement and quit thinking about what she is going to get or not because it sounds to me like you just want to let her fuck you in the ass
Of course, they pretty much had to scrub the entire web site at first for me, but then I went back and had the same stories again.
I would just ask that this thread be moved to EAYOR, which isn't searchable unless you're a member. The chances of your wife knowing about your RCF habit, or even thinking there would be anything useful here in a divorce are remote.
My ex just knew I was a crazy cavs fan, but probably didn't think about the off topic and EAYOR discussion areas.
I would just stop negotiating with her regarding all this stuff. To me, it sounds like you're just thinking you're going to have to give her everything. If you haven't talked to a lawyer about all your rights, including property rights, you need to just stop negotiating.
My wife said she wanted shared parenting too. Her idea of fair shared parenting was 13 hours a week. She said that would increase once our daughter was 7. She thought in her mind that this was completely fair. Let your kids have a say in custody? If they are old enough they will be able to have a huge say, if they're not, only their well being is taken in to consideration in the court.
Nobody just gets to keep the house. You pretty much split up assets in a divorce. Here's the bad news, she might be able to get about half your retirement. The good news, she'll owe for half the house. A lot of times the house has to be ordered to be sold to divy up the equity. In my case, I had to pay my wife 3500 when five years ago I put in the downpayment and paid every single mortgage payment. They essentially took my premarital down payment from an opinionated value of the home and came up with 50% of that being owed to the ex if I wanted to keep the house.
You just need to lawyer up. Just know your rights. As a man, we assume the court is always in their favor, they're not. They may not always seem fair, but at least knowing what the court makes decisions based on is huge.
I was in court before my trial one day and was just sitting there as this dude's wife was trying to rail road his ass hard. She was pulling some shit that he owed her alimony because he made 90 and she made 75. Wanted all the house because of inheritence, wanted half the dude's retirment (I'm sure she had none since she only made a little less than him), wanted child support and only wanted him to be a weekend dad. I actually wonder how that turned out.
I had a female judge. Wife wanted full custody, alimony, child support, very limited visitation, most of the crap out of the house, thought there was hidden money, etc. I really had no objections to most of her stuff at first until she thought she would take me to the wood shed over my child. I got called a dead beat for not giving her support before there were orders. I fought for more custody than what she was offering only. That's how my shit got ugly. She thought she was just going to have her way no matter what because she was above reproach and a woman. Shit turned on her quick and she ended up with less than she would have without her absurd thoughts on what she was owed.
The courts will be fair, but you better not just start making assumptions on what seems fair coming out of her mouth.
For heaven's sake, read my thread and get a fucking lawyer. You want to get divorced? The court will appoint a mediator first to try that but you have to file for them to do it. I had the same idea as not filing because I didn't want my kid to think that I was the one who wanted to break apart the family because that's how I thought it would be told to her from her mother and her family. She forced my hand when she filed for a change of address that could have had a much different court venue. That's when the court asked us in to mediation. It could have been real cheap and ended in there with a settlement, but again my wife would not be reasonable in there and the mediator saw it. She would not give me anything close to shared parenting and the mediator was incredibly brilliant in his tactics. She just thought she was being fair even though the mediator was trying to show her she was being unreasonable. This then lead to court where they try their hardest to get you to negotiate rather than going to trial.
You just need to get your ass to a lawyer and hope that you can get a reasonable settlement and quit thinking about what she is going to get or not because it sounds to me like you just want to let her fuck you in the ass
I imagine it would be a bit happenstance - such as a relative/friend/co-worker of the wife who knows what she's going through noticing the thread, recognizing some of the issues, and telling her.
A whole lot more likely to happen to someone who actually lives in the Cleveland area, then someone who I'm assuming lives in Florida?
Anyway, if you don't want something being throw back at you in court, don't spew it on the internet, don't text it, don't email it. An anonymous posting name doesn't guarantee anonymity.