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If we're looking to the NFL as the entity that is supposed to punish criminal behavior that has no relation to football, we're looking in the wrong place.
I'm curious as to why so many people assume it is the job of the NFL to punish wife-beaters, or other criminals, for that matter. The NFL clearly must impose discipline for offenses that are related to football. And to the extent there are issues surrounding whether or not particular conduct is "football-related", that stuff gets negotiated between the Player's Association and the league, and addressed specifically in the CBA. In terms of substance abuse, there were specific penalties negotiated for specific conduct, because quite simply, the criminal justice system is neither intended to nor capable of determining whether the performance of a player is being boosted or adversely affected (PED's versus recreational drugs). So, the league addresses that stuff specifically, in writing, so that everyone knows the punishments associated with particular acts.
But I think there is a real problem with what seems to be a growing trend of expecting sports leagues to police conduct that has nothing to do with their sport. Those leagues don't have courts, or real judges, or written codes that prescribe a range of punishments for particular non-sports related crimes. They inherently have to just make the shit up as they go along. No wonder some people aren't happy with the result.
What absolutely blows my mind with respect to this is the complete absence of any criticism of the criminal justice system. The average employer wouldn't do a damn thing about spousal abuse -- might not even know. And to the extent the employer did learn of it, a great many of them would say that they are going to let the courts handle it because that is what the courts are supposed to do.
Rice apparently was treated the same by the legal system as any other person under the same set of facts. The case was handled by a female DA, and that jurisdiction has a first time domestic violence offender program where you don't get convicted or sent to jail if you do a diversion program. So just think about what that means for a second. Beat up your wife/girlfriend/whatever, and that system is intended to let you off with no real punishment at all. That's what happens to everyone who beats their wife/girlfriend who isn't an NFL player. All those other women don't even get the satisfaction of seeing the guy lose a few hundred thousand. Nothing happens to them at all.
And, yet, nobody is bitching about that. Isn't the criminal justice system supposed to be the one imposing just penalties for beating up your wife/girlfriend? I'm just floored by people thinking that it is the NFL that is supposed to police that -- not the, you know, police. All the bitching is going up completely the wrong tree, because the fact that a woman got beaten up by someone other than an NFL player, and no real penalty was imposed on the guy, would have been the norm, and ignored by 99% of the population because it is so unremarkable. Yet, that is the core problem here. And utterly ignored.
I personally don't think the league should be in the business of imposing punishments for these kind of events, simply because they are not set up to do it, and there is no real way to maintain proportionality and fairness. What's the penalty is if you didn't hit your girlfriend, but rather just slugged some guy in a bar and broke his jaw? 3 games? 1 game? What if it is petty theft, or fraud, or tax evasion, or any other of the hundreds of offenses that are supposed to be handled by the criminal justice system we voters put into place? 6 games for a hit and run? It's ridiculous.
Interesting counter point.
With regards to your question of why the NFL feels obligated to punish players for actions done outside of the football field, I think the answer is simple. The NFL is very dissimilar to your average business/employer. The NFL is a very public business where their employees (Coaches, GMs, Players, etc) are household names. They have a significant interest in making sure their people are law abiding citizens. If the league comes off as a bunch of criminals or overall bad guys, the sport in total suffers which is bad for business.
The backlash over the Ray Rice stuff is damaging to the league and personally I think they shot themselves in the foot by giving him a short suspension. Many of the NFL's paying customers and probably more importantly most of the influencers of the NFL's paying customers are outraged by the stance the NFL took in this case. Domestic abuse is a real problem and giving Rice a slap on the wrist tells people what he did was bad but not bad enough to keep him off the football field too long.
There have been reports that Rice wasn't the only guilty party in this. He clearly hit her and knocked her out but whispers are that she was doing something to get him going. If those reports are true than it's all the more reason to suspend him longer to punish not only him but her as well. Cutting money off for 2 games hurts a little but in the grand scheme of things it probably isn't that bad. However; if you take half a season or a full season away I bet that hurts their lifestyle quite a bit. If she was indeed part of the problem, cutting their income hurts her just as much as it hurts him.