In the Year 2000 - Jack Black
"During a press conference, George W. Bush will admit that he ignored warnings about the possibility of faulty intelligence, warnings that began when he was in the first grade."
"Hugh Hefner will brag that he still has sex with 'Playboy' Playmates, though he will now define sex as allowing someone to chew your food for you."
"American auto manufacturers will show how out of touch they are with American consumers when they introduce the new Ford 'Jihad.'"
"Chickens will begin laying eggs far more quickly once they taste their first western omelet."
"The serenity of 'Sesame Street' will be shattered when Silent 'E' finally snaps and guns down the other letters."
"The world's perception of Dick Cheney will change drastically when a movie appears on the Internet that shows the Vice President at home in his underwear, wearing a nine inch nails T-shirt and watching 'South Park' with two black chicks."
"This holiday season, aliens that look exactly like fresh-baked gingerbread men will pick the worst possible time to invade earth."
"After months of cave to cave searches, U.S. troops in Afghanistan will admit they have not found Osama Bin Laden, but they did locate the guy who played dauber on 'coach.'"
"The polar icecaps will melt, but the earth's coastal cities will be spared from flooding when quick-thinking authorities hand Kirstie Alley a straw."
"The controversial President of Iran will make his most outrageous statement yet when he claims that Madonna just keeps getting better and better."
"Kevin Federline will score a number one hit when Fox ranks the top ten white trash moments on 'Cops.'"
"The new 'King Kong' movie will shatter all box office records, making actor Jack Black the biggest movie star in the world. He will remain the same quiet, humble, unassuming man that the world absolutely adores, as much for his dashing good looks as his massive talent, which grows by leaps and bounds as he moves effortlessly from picture to picture, from comedy to drama, from art house flick to humungous blockbuster -- I'M NOT DONE YET! Go see the damn movie, and then do your job! Ya hear me? Do your job!"
