The mental health thread

[CavsTalk]

I really appreciate everyone sharing and seeing the encouragement and support. I normally don’t post much but wanted to offer what I can in the off chance it might help someone else.

Having a solid foundation/base is so important. What I mean by that is, what positive things do you believe to be true about yourself. Circumstances and situations are going to change. You are going to experience/feel both good and bad, and it’s easy to get consumed in those circumstances because you are probably in your head practicing negative self talk, believing lies or half “truths” about yourself.

Examples/practice (if you think what I said earlier might remotely apply then write it down… seriously pen to paper and put it some where you are going to see it daily). Plus I just suggested a couple, add, tweak, edit and make it yours.

Truths:
1. What are some things you have accomplished/proud of…

2. What are some things that you are good at?

3. What do my coworkers, friends or family say I am good at?

4. I get satisfaction/enjoyment when I am…

5. You are not alone…
even when no one is around you. You are not alone in your experiences, your pain, in your sadness in really anything. Not to minimize your experiences, rather to show you that you are not alone and others go before, after and with you. Unfortunately or fortunately your experiences make you a part of a something bigger than yourself. Plus it means if you need help you can find it.

 

[Otsego Mar]

Some good stuff in here.

Does anyone here listen to/watch ASMR? There's a wide variety out there, but a lot of it I find helpful with regards to relaxing, anxiety, depression (personal attention and positive affirmations), sleep, etc. YouTube is your best bet to get immersed quickly.

I fall asleep to these videos almost daily.

 

[DJTJ]

Probably one of the shittiest months I’ve ever had.

1. Had to use multiple days of PTO for an internet outage that lasted three days as they promised it back every two hours.
2. My Uncle had a massive heart attack while hiking.
3. My dad started feeling like he was having one, went to ER. Had to use PTO. On the way, 8 month pregnant wife almost passed out so we ended up in the ER. They did nothing, she’s felt waves for over a week and a half.
4. My dad went back to the ER, they sent him home again. Turns out he did have a heart attack, so they did a heart cath yesterday to find… no blockage?
5. My work significantly reduced the quality of health insurance, forcing us to switch to another carrier mid pregnancy. My wife also has RA, so after the baby is born, that will cause a huge secondary issue.
6. Boss basically saved my ass from an instant termination as I was in and out all of last week and something almost fell through the cracks.

Just shit sandwich after shit sandwich.

 

[Rookie]

How do you guys deal with stress and anxiety from high pressure jobs. Its always that one fucking client that everytime I get an email from I just know my day is ruined. I used to never let it bother me but it is effecting my life outside of work. Yesterday I was so stressed that I couldn't bring myself to eat.

 

[bushwick_bill]

How do you guys deal with stress and anxiety from high pressure jobs. Its always that one fucking client that everytime I get an email from I just know my day is ruined. I used to never let it bother me but it is effecting my life outside of work. Yesterday I was so stressed that I couldn't bring myself to eat.

There is no simple answer here, and I am not sure what field you work in. I can share with you some of my details and story as I have before on here. I am really close with some on this board and I do not mind sharing again.

I had this bad, real bad, work burnout, among other obstacles I had to overcome. I work in accounting and finance. I worked at a national firm for 10 years in external audit in the NFP Department, where my stress and anxiety came and went in waves. My drinking and partying did not help my stress and anxiety at all; in hindsight, that made it much worse. But for instance, I can remember being at lunch with some colleagues and getting an email from a partner, and my hands started to shake with anxiety over an email. I had work burnout then, but it was more manageable. I eventually transitioned onto internal audit in the legal department at a big NPO, for which I did not have as much stress or anxiety as I was really supported in my department, so my anxiety, stress, and mental health were very manageable. The work was very enjoyable and satisfying because of the mission, which was the ASPCA. I always had an office cat, was in the animal hospital, etc. I then transitioned onto a previous client of mine from public at a NYC independent school and then made the dreadful mistake of moving to the sister school for 4 years. My last position was an absolute pressure cooker, especially at the peak of COVID. I literally could not eat or sleep, and as a result, my drinking became really bad. I took time off work to focus on myself (luckily I was put in a healthy enough financial position to do this)—6 months to be exact—and found a new home for my professional career. That is definitely not everyone's solution, but my stress and anxiety were that bad.

There are a few things I have learned that help me daily overcome the stress and anxiety of life and work, outside of changing jobs. I also have a 5-year-old, a 9-month-old baby, and a 1-year-old Golden... I work from home now, which has helped me immensely.

I am also almost 3 years sober, so if you do drink, I always recommend the time, place, and amount to anyone who suffers from anxiety or stress. Restraining from alcohol is not for everyone, but there are so many benefits to restraining from it if you do drink. I also keep two phones, one for work and one for personal use. I am online way too much, by nature of the profession, but when I am not in my office(my basement), I have two phones, which helps me separate home life and work life so I am not constantly checking my emails. I try to make time for myself every morning and night for daily reflections and meditations. I had to be selfish at first to get better mentally again. I have a wonderful wife who supports this as well. I have also learned to set work boundaries, but again, I am supported to the fullest at my job now. Setting work boundaries and time for yourself is, in my opinion, an absolute must. I am a workaholic, so it is a challenge for me. I am not sure your age, but I am 20 years into my professional career, and it is always an ongoing struggle for me. My ultimate recommendation, besides doing the things I mentioned, is to find a therapist. The longer you let this go on, the worse it can become, as it did with me. It took me years of therapy to find the right one and to get me into a good mental place. I always pause when someone says to speak to someone you work with as well. I always strongly recommend finding a therapist to help you learn how to deal with and manage your stress and anxiety. Again feel free to reach out to me. I am always happy to share advice on this and how I try to manage work and life stress.

 

[Rookie]

There is no simple answer here, and I am not sure what field you work in. I can share with you some of my details and story as I have before on here. I am really close with some on this board and I do not mind sharing again.

I had this bad, real bad, work burnout, among other obstacles I had to overcome. I work in accounting and finance. I worked at a national firm for 10 years in external audit in the NFP Department, where my stress and anxiety came and went in waves. My drinking and partying did not help my stress and anxiety at all; in hindsight, that made it much worse. But for instance, I can remember being at lunch with some colleagues and getting an email from a partner, and my hands started to shake with anxiety over an email. I had work burnout then, but it was more manageable. I eventually transitioned onto internal audit in the legal department at a big NPO, for which I did not have as much stress or anxiety as I was really supported in my department, so my anxiety, stress, and mental health were very manageable. The work was very enjoyable and satisfying because of the mission, which was the ASPCA. I always had an office cat, was in the animal hospital, etc. I then transitioned onto a previous client of mine from public at a NYC independent school and then made the dreadful mistake of moving to the sister school for 4 years. My last position was an absolute pressure cooker, especially at the peak of COVID. I literally could not eat or sleep, and as a result, my drinking became really bad. I took time off work to focus on myself (luckily I was put in a healthy enough financial position to do this)—6 months to be exact—and found a new home for my professional career. That is definitely not everyone's solution, but my stress and anxiety were that bad.

There are a few things I have learned that help me daily overcome the stress and anxiety of life and work, outside of changing jobs. I also have a 5-year-old, a 9-month-old baby, and a 1-year-old Golden... I work from home now, which has helped me immensely.

I am also almost 3 years sober, so if you do drink, I always recommend the time, place, and amount to anyone who suffers from anxiety or stress. Restraining from alcohol is not for everyone, but there are so many benefits to restraining from it if you do drink. I also keep two phones, one for work and one for personal use. I am online way too much, by nature of the profession, but when I am not in my office(my basement), I have two phones, which helps me separate home life and work life so I am not constantly checking my emails. I try to make time for myself every morning and night for daily reflections and meditations. I had to be selfish at first to get better mentally again. I have a wonderful wife who supports this as well. I have also learned to set work boundaries, but again, I am supported to the fullest at my job now. Setting work boundaries and time for yourself is, in my opinion, an absolute must. I am a workaholic, so it is a challenge for me. I am not sure your age, but I am 20 years into my professional career, and it is always an ongoing struggle for me. My ultimate recommendation, besides doing the things I mentioned, is to find a therapist. The longer you let this go on, the worse it can become, as it did with me. It took me years of therapy to find the right one and to get me into a good mental place. I always pause when someone says to speak to someone you work with as well. I always strongly recommend finding a therapist to help you learn how to deal with and manage your stress and anxiety. Again feel free to reach out to me. I am always happy to share advice on this and how I try to manage work and life stress.

Appreciate the reply.
I'm at the point where I am planning on taking a break. My condo is up for sale, as soon as it sells I'm putting in my resignation and moving cities to be with family. I plan to travel a bit with my wife before re-entering the work force. I work in management so I know this is something I'm gonna have to work on for my future success.
Luckily I never picked up alcohol or drugs but I don't really have a way to cope. Working out usually helps but when that depression sets in, it's hard to make it outside.

 

[Thelastcavsfan]

My mental health has been horrible lately. Worrying about my past, scared for the future and hating the present.

 

[Sebastian]

My mental health has been horrible lately. Worrying about my past, scared for the future and hating the present.

Have you had major changes in your life recently?

 

[Thelastcavsfan]

Have you had major changes in your life recently?

No, just the fact l I’m getting older. No family, but mid 30s and facing the reality of dying alone. I’ve always been athletic and muscular at 215, but doctor told me I need to be at 185. I’ve got done to194 in a short period of time like a month, but the stress of losing this weight has made me hungry all day everyday and watching what I eat gets on my nerves. I’ve always had anxiety and depression but it seems to be getting worse as I get older and the light gets wider at the end of the tunnel and I still have a checklist to accomplish, but my mind gets in the way. Or societies pressures. Really tired of working for the man getting my back broken for crap pay. Ready to save up and move to a hut in a different country and just get away from the us where you feel like a failure if you don’t have a mansion and aren’t an influencer or a Gm, or own a business. Or have a family. Just tired.

 

[Sebastian]

No, just the fact l I’m getting older. No family, but mid 30s and facing the reality of dying alone. I’ve always been athletic and muscular at 215, but doctor told me I need to be at 185. I’ve got done to194 in a short period of time like a month, but the stress of losing this weight has made me hungry all day everyday and watching what I eat gets on my nerves. I’ve always had anxiety and depression but it seems to be getting worse as I get older and the light gets wider at the end of the tunnel and I still have a checklist to accomplish, but my mind gets in the way. Or societies pressures. Really tired of working for the man getting my back broken for crap pay. Ready to save up and move to a hut in a different country and just get away from the us where you feel like a failure if you don’t have a mansion and aren’t an influencer or a Gm, or own a business. Or have a family. Just tired.

The good news my friend is that aging doesn't really matter too much for guys in terms of having a family or children. You don't have a biological clock. Now, or in 2040, you can still have kids.

Putting pressure on yourself to marry is not healthy. It will come organically. Lot of women your age still looking. Don't stress about it.

If you have anxiety and depression, may I ask if you have had both treated?

As for society's pressures, no one can blame you for feeling that way. I am in your age group and it is very clear to us that we were sold a bag of dog-shit, and that the middle class dream has readily faded. Paying a mortgage to get an education that only gets one a job with declining stability and pay.

If you do want to move to Alaska and live a different lifestyle, I say go for it. The biggest trick modern society has played on us is making us believe all this bullshit about big homes, or anything online, actually matters. It doesn't.

If you want to make a big change, now is actually the time when you are still single. Whether it is getting an advanced degree, changing careers or literally moving to Alaska and living a subsistence lifestyle off the grid.

 

[bushwick_bill]

My mental health has been horrible lately. Worrying about my past, scared for the future and hating the present.

Hang in there.

Here is a helpful link I always share.

Find a Therapist, Psychologist, Counselor - Psychology Today

Browse our extensive directory of the best Therapists, Psychologists and Counselors near you.

www.psychologytoday.com

I had a tough patch in my 30's until I turned 40, best friend was killed, lost my father, I had a pressure cooker position and peak COVID it all sort of hit for myself. I suffered from general anxiety disorder, I had major depression and ptsd. Mental health like depression, anxiety, and substance abuse does not develop overnight, and the healing process also takes time. The recovery journey can include ups and downs, new discoveries, and setbacks. However, positive changes can happen throughout the process.

I pulled this list off the internet real quick and a lot of these helpful tips I utilize daily... I also started with daily goals to help bring back satisfaction to my life.

• Join a support group: Connect with others who can share strategies for getting through challenging times
• Eat healthy: Avoid processed and sugary foods, and eat regular meals
• Exercise: Walk, run, bike, or do whatever you can to move your body
• Reduce substance use: Limit the use of alcohol and other substances
• Practice gratitude: Be grateful for yourself, what you have, and the life around you
• Get regular sleep: Stick to a schedule and make sure you're getting enough sleep
• Try relaxation activities: Explore relaxation or wellness programs or apps, which may incorporate meditation, muscle relaxation, or breathing exercises
• Set goals and priorities: Focus on positivity

It does get better, but it takes some work to understand what is bringing you down. My wife is 42; we just had our second child over a year ago, and I just recently turned 44. As I mentioned to you in another thread, I made several lifestyle changes over the past 3.5 years, which really helped me get my mental health back on track. It does take time, and try not to live in your past; it will do you no good. I try to embrace the moment and the present.

Always feel free to DM me. I am very open with my stories (see this thread) and how I was able to pull myself out of my rut, which was work and life stress-related. I will also add that I tried to ignore the alarms or bells that were going off with my mental health for several years and power through them, which was not helpful until I landed in the hospital.

 

[KevinLoveFan]

Great stuff, bill!

I also have improved in the last few years. When I first joined RCF, signs of not-optimally-regulated autism and culty thinking were still fairly obvious in some of my posts. I didn't manage anxiety or change well, I was overly obsessed with Jon Niednagel's Brain Types system, and I still couldn't read a room very well, either in-person or virtual. All that has gotten better with a better spiritual focus (better church group), good supplements, getting away from the kinds of thinking that would trap me before, better exercise, better diet, and a better outlook.

 

[prf100]

Try deep breathing - when the shit hit the fan for me, it was the first thing I tried where I felt a bit better right after. It doesn’t solve everything (obviously), but it’s a start. And just starting was the most important thing for me.

 

[David.]

No, just the fact l I’m getting older. No family, but mid 30s and facing the reality of dying alone. I’ve always been athletic and muscular at 215, but doctor told me I need to be at 185. I’ve got done to194 in a short period of time like a month, but the stress of losing this weight has made me hungry all day everyday and watching what I eat gets on my nerves. I’ve always had anxiety and depression but it seems to be getting worse as I get older and the light gets wider at the end of the tunnel and I still have a checklist to accomplish, but my mind gets in the way. Or societies pressures. Really tired of working for the man getting my back broken for crap pay. Ready to save up and move to a hut in a different country and just get away from the us where you feel like a failure if you don’t have a mansion and aren’t an influencer or a Gm, or own a business. Or have a family. Just tired.

What area do you live in

 

[Thelastcavsfan]

my biggest mental hurdle is conflict. I’m a big guy, know how to fight, and won’t get pushed, but it’s the before fighting that cooks my brain. I’m horrible at conflict. I avoid it every time. Have my boundaries stepped on and just say to myself, it wasn’t worth it. Been reading Abe watching videos to stop letting people walk all over me. Yes I should’ve done this as a teen, but 40 is better than never