The mental health thread

[Cassity14]

I have a bullshit time trying to find anyone I'm interested in. Like next to impossible.

Ultimately you're right, it's that these aren't rewarding worthwhile experiences. You don't cover that up by doing more of them

Oh yeah I'm just curious. I'm the opposite in that I have a bullshit time finding a chick I wanna take out at all because I hate the first date vibe.

What makes it so hard for you to be interested in someone beyond that? Lofty expectations, shitty pool of girls, or something else?

 

[David.]

David, do you purposely date average looking women with average personality so you don't fall in love because you know you will eventually fail to maintain the relationship for different reasons such as, addictive personality, instability, loss of affection over time and the fear of inevitably breaking up and hurting your partner that you care about, but no longer love?

No. I date particularly good looking women consistently. I am dying for one of them to be interesting

 

[David.]

Oh yeah I'm just curious. I'm the opposite in that I have a bullshit time finding a chick I wanna take out at all because I hate the first date vibe.

What makes it so hard for you to be interested in someone beyond that? Lofty expectations, shitty pool of girls, or something else?

I just.. Like every girl thinks being nice is the best thing about them. It's a virtue sure, sometimes, but it shouldn't be your best. Anyone can do that.

I don't want to hear that you haven't been on a date in awhile, I shouldn't have to tell you how to flirt or know that leaning back is better than leaning forward so hard. You should make fun of me as much as I'm making fun of you, and you should try to be better at it than me. I really just think girls don't develop personalities because they don't have to. You need to be impressive to be impressive. Being aittle mean is sort of interesting. If I'm not on my toes, this is silly and unimportant.

Ultimately it's just, do you genuinely enjoy talking to this person? Do you want to keep talking and do you want to hear from them? And it's no essentially always.

 

[DJTJ]

No. I date particularly good looking women consistently. I am dying for one of them to be interesting

Hint: 6/7>>> 8-10s personality wise. Why deal with having to step over their massive ego?

 

[Sir'Dom Pointer]

No. I date particularly good looking women consistently. I am dying for one of them to be interesting

I was just being an idiot.

I havn't gone to a date in a while.. I guess i'm a bit jealous.

Not sure it's even that fun exposing yourself to superficial strangers.. I guess it's fine if it's on tinder, but if it's serious, it's way harder to do it if you expect or afraid of criticism.

I have tons of trouble with the character of most chicks my age. Right now, my sexual desire is at it's lowest, so why bother and be exposed to more affliction?

 

[Cassity14]

I just.. Like every girl thinks being nice is the best thing about them. It's a virtue sure, sometimes, but it shouldn't be your best. Anyone can do that.

I don't want to hear that you haven't been on a date in awhile, I shouldn't have to tell you how to flirt or know that leaning back is better than leaning forward so hard. You should make fun of me as much as I'm making fun of you, and you should try to be better at it than me. I really just think girls don't develop personalities because they don't have to. You need to be impressive to be impressive.

Ultimately it's just, do you genuinely enjoy talking to this person? Do you want to keep talking and do you want to hear from them? And it's no essentially always.

Yeah. Your particular demographic isn't going to lend itself to that as much as a more 'average' person. You're seeing the chicks who, like you said, have rarely (or never) had to use their personality for people to want to be with them.

They're out there, no doubt, but you'll have to keep swimming through the river of trout to find them. For the ones you're dating off Tinder, maybe try intellectually challenging them in conversation a bit more before setting that first date?

 

[Cassity14]

I was just being an idiot.

I havn't gone to a date in a while.. I guess i'm a bit jealous.

Not sure it's even that fun exposing yourself to superficial strangers.. I guess it's fine if it's on tinder, but if it's serious, it's way harder to do it if you expect or afraid of criticism.

I have tons of trouble with the character of most chicks my age. Right now, my sexual desire is at it's lowest, so why bother?

It can be valuable because honest, unprotected feedback about your looks and personality can have value as long as you don't put too much stock in it.

I don't enjoy it with first date vibes because so much is clearly rehearsed and/or made to look pretty on both sides.

What I love is getting into conversations about people's experiences, what they're passionate about, how they see the world, etc.

I enjoy shooting the shit with people at the bar exponentially more than first dates.

 

[Sir'Dom Pointer]

It can be valuable because honest, unprotected feedback about your looks and personality can have value as long as you don't put too much stock in it.

I don't enjoy it with first date vibes because so much is clearly rehearsed and/or made to look pretty on both sides.

What I love is getting into conversations about people's experiences, what they're passionate about, how they see the world, etc.

I enjoy shooting the shit with people at the bar exponentially more than first dates.

Best talks I have had over the years that truly made me closer to the individual were when I talked about geniuine every day life, the struggles, the things that really make me happy and not the bullshit superficial stuff..

They mostly happened with real bros and not whoes.. girls my age are still clueless.

I have had great talks and even sexual relationships with women that were older.. women are naturally better listeners, compassionate, they are more sympathetic and sensitive to personal struggles and try to find resolution within the constraints of your current limitations, rather than give general tips and advice the ordinary.

Most talks that I have had with normal, functioning men were always sort of the same. " take your shit together, find a profession, things will take care of themselves once you get into structure" "why the fuck are you depressed about?" etc...
Most men don't get depression and the onset of depression usually starts at 40-50 once the hormones are out of balance. So I never really talk about the shit that bother me really and try to blend in with the rest.

It's just the difference in biology.. once women give birth, they become an estrogen mess that is prone to mood swings. High Testosterone otoh keeps men stable and immune to feeling of depression and understanding how brutal it is or other shit that is out of the norm. That's why women say all men are the same.

And yet, hanging out with men when you are feeling great is infinitely better. I just wish I was normal again.

 

[David.]

Hint: 6/7>>> 8-10s personality wise. Why deal with having to step over their massive ego?

I agree, they need to be attractive enough, you don't need a ten. You need someone interesting

 

[Phills14]

This is a good thread and I hope people take some of the good stuff that's been said in here and use it. Mental health is no joke. Whether it's relationships, work, family, money, health or anything else, we all have our struggles.

I was doing just fine emotionally and I thought I could handle anything. Once the divorce stuff hit I haven't been the same and I know it. I want to get back to where I was emotionally 3 year ago, I want to feel normal again. I just can't seem to get there. One day I will, but until then I'm still searching for answers like a lot of you.

 

[David.]

I was just being an idiot.

I havn't gone to a date in a while.. I guess i'm a bit jealous.

Not sure it's even that fun exposing yourself to superficial strangers.. I guess it's fine if it's on tinder, but if it's serious, it's way harder to do it if you expect or afraid of criticism.

I have tons of trouble with the character of most chicks my age. Right now, my sexual desire is at it's lowest, so why bother and be exposed to more affliction?

How old are you?

 

[Sir'Dom Pointer]

How old are you?

28

 

[David.]

Yeah. Your particular demographic isn't going to lend itself to that as much as a more 'average' person. You're seeing the chicks who, like you said, have rarely (or never) had to use their personality for people to want to be with them.

They're out there, no doubt, but you'll have to keep swimming through the river of trout to find them. For the ones you're dating off Tinder, maybe try intellectually challenging them in conversation a bit more before setting that first date?

I set up a date if the conversation has gone well enough meaning they have some concept of flirting, genuinely are putting an effort in, and are attractive. I challenge them. I'm going easy on looks. People just aren't polished enough I'm dating(except the one fgirl from a month ago who I should have probably tried to re-engage honestly @The Oi)

 

[David.]

Psychologist told me today that I was fine cutting back work hours because its a bullshit job and I can be an accountant in a month, and that my life sucked when all I did was work.

I told him about the need for attention and he told me quit the btching, 4 dates in a month is great let alone a week. I asked if I should slow down and he's like fuck no man, love doesn't find you, get off your ass. "You're complaining now but you were a lot more miserable when you weren't trying."

He blamed me for not asking the right questions to make these people interesting. I told them that was their job, not mine.



I'm on lamotragine, which is a mood stabilizer. The mania and depression are both up, so. Fuck that. Just randomly get sad and impulses are flying around being acted upon.

 

[Cassity14]

Psychologist told me today that I was fine cutting back work hours because its a bullshit job and I can be an accountant in a month, and that my life sucked when all I did was work.

I told him about the need for attention and he told me quit the btching, 4 dates in a month is great let alone a week. I asked if I should slow down and he's like fuck no man, love doesn't find you, get off your ass. "You're complaining now but you were a lot more miserable when you weren't trying."

He blamed me for not asking the right questions to make these people interesting. I told them that was their job, not mine.



I'm on lamotragine, which is a mood stabilizer. The mania and depression are both up, so. Fuck that. Just randomly get sad and impulses are flying around being acted upon.

Your psychologist seems like a smart dude.