That buying a house ($135k nothing special) and wasting the little money I had on home repairs and going further into debt made it extremely financially difficult for me to afford children.
That my family views me as a failure because I'm choosing to pay off my student debt vs having kids.
That my relationships all end prematurely because I'm choosing to pay off my student debt vs having kids.
It's amazing how two decisions can fuck up your life. Going to grad school and buying a starter home.
And somehow everyone tells me I should feel lucky because I'm not six figures in student debt.
That buying a house ($135k nothing special) and wasting the little money I had on home repairs and going further into debt made it extremely financially difficult for me to afford children.
That my family views me as a failure because I'm choosing to pay off my student debt vs having kids. That my relationships all end prematurely because I'm choosing to pay off my student debt vs having kids.
It's amazing how two decisions can fuck up your life. Going to grad school and buying a starter home. And somehow everyone tells me I should feel lucky because I'm not six figures in student debt.
<grabs mic>
"So how many yall like sex? "
What do you guys do when you start really feeling your insecurities?
Ive run through the same thing as you a couple handfuls of times. Idk if you think it's unhealthy for you or not but I started looking elsewhere for legit self esteem and social circle and now I really don't want to be bothered with dating unless it's particularly good. Life is a lot better that way, makes your interactions a lot better with women and the quality drastically rises. And it just makes a lot more sense on a macro level.Honestly that has been my last 2 years, using sex to get over my insecurities.
After the divorce I was lost, felt nothing was good enough, I am over weight, and felt bad about being attractive to women.
I make decent money, but that is less right now because my industry turned (but having best month of my career so far, so that is good).
All of this lead to a true midlife crisis and me fucking all types of woman including many half my age.
So that is very real, and a few months ago I recognized it was a true mid life crisis, so I have slowed down.
Ive run through the same thing as you a couple handfuls of times. Idk if you think it's unhealthy for you or not but I started looking elsewhere for legit self esteem and social circle and now I really don't want to be bothered with dating unless it's particularly good. Life is a lot better that way, makes your interactions a lot better with women and the quality drastically rises. And it just makes a lot more sense on a macro level.
Do you think this is working for you?
I don't know if this stuff is exactly transferable to az but no joke, meetup and rec sports leagues are absolutely amazing for social life. Bowling, etc. There are non stop softball leagues here - get assigned with 10 strangers every couple months. Hang out after the hour long pick up game and build a little circle and then get together for the next one. Etc.Harder at my age to switch things. My circle got smaller when for various reason, 4 of my closes friends moved out of town. I am happy for them and the opportunities they are taking, but it has been tough.
I have truly dated some, more than just fuck, but truly dating can be even tougher as the older you get the more scars you have. If I date younger they still want kids, and I am done with that. Allot time when I date close to my age they are either to busy with kids, work and school or they act like they are 70 years old.
Plus I have a hard time finding someone who challenges me intellectually, most the smart ones are smart enough to not be single by my age, lol
But I have slowed down on the sex, but finding friends is tough when you work in a small office. I just need to do a better job of reaching out to the friends I haven't hung out with much lately, but then I get in a rut about leaving my house on the nights I don't have the kids, especially if I work the next day.
I will figure it out I guess, eventually I will meet someone.
Good news is my ex who I consider the love of my life called me today and she is going to be in phoenix for the first time in her life. Havent seen her in 20 years, she is now married with 3 kids and has a successful career as the had of HR of a medium sized company, Oh and she is terrified of doing something bad because she is still in love with me.
So dinner in 3 weeks on Friday night should be fun, lol