Drug addiction/sobriety

[Pioneer10]

cognitive behavioral therapy for your insomnia is by far your best option. Read Dr Hauri's book No More Sleepless Nights or try Web based programs like Sleepio or Shuti. they range in cost from 200 to 300 so not sure if that will fit in your budget.

Otherwise sounds like you need a cause: pick something your passionate about and get involved.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk

 

[The Human Q-Tip]

Update:

I feel like progress is stalling. I've had one screw up in the last 1.5 months, but life is more than that, obviously.

I'm.. FEINDING for female attention. I get a good amount, but it's literally never enough. I only feel ok immediately after I get it, and then I feel empty and worthless. I just had two prior co-workers (one married) like shirtless pics and throw winky faces and tell me ..I've grown up.. And all I can think about is that I'm alone and not attractive enough. Unless everyone is giving that approval, there's a hole in the soul. I've had a different girl make interest known almost every day for last couple weeks and self esteem is somehow dropping. Back to big picture..

I talk to everything that moves. I literally went weeks without talking to anyone just a couple months ago. That's all great. I helped an older handicapped man carry his groceries to his car today, and had an hour long conversation with a friend I stumbled upon at a gas station that was as good of friends with Carl (passed away from cancer) as I was.

We went on about altruism, and where we both were in life. He wasn't well. I gave him five bucks.

I'm active all day long. From work, to errands, to the gym, to the basketball court, to the dog park.

I've apolofized to a handful of people. Some who have done awful things. It's freeing. Making amends relieves you of any guilt, and erases another negative thing your mind can wander to and obsess about.

But none of this feels like it's enough.

I have nothing tangible to show for anything. My biological clock is blaring. I haven't been single in like.. Six years. I need actual female companionship. Not just sex, but.. All of that. I've never been ok single. Feel worthless. Like life doesn't matter.

The Adderal was only bad because it ramped up my issue with sex. drugs were the catalyst, sex and girls were the actual thick of it. Female attention, affection and everything in between has always been the bigger issue.

Sorry bud, I got nothin'...


















Okay, maybe I do. You seem very self-absorbed -- solely concerned with your own problems and what is going to happen to you. That's somewhat understandable, but it appears to be leading you down to a dark, obsessive place.

Ever think of building up your self-worth by focusing for a bit on doing things for other people? You mentioned helping an old man with his groceries.

Let me tell you in all honesty -- one of the best things I ever did for my own mental health was to start doing some volunteer work. A soup kitchen, food bank, anything you can do where you spend your time helping other people and get a smile in return can do wonders for your soul, and perhaps make you a better person in the process. I got pretty heavily involved in the Toys for Tots program, and it is actually the highlight of the Christmas season for me now (though it takes a lot more work than just in December).

I joined my local American Legion and Marine Corps League. For the league, we've got a lot of older dudes, and some of them aren't in good health. Usually one or the other is in the hospital at some point, so I usually go try to drop by for a bit to see someone just once a week. Sit there, shoot the shit and exchange war stories, and make the man smile for a bit.

What have you got to lose?

 

[David.]

Sorry bud, I got nothin'...


















Okay, maybe I do. You seem very self-absorbed -- solely concerned with your own problems and what is going to happen to you. That's somewhat understandable, but it appears to be leading you down to a dark, obsessive place.

Ever think of building up your self-worth by focusing for a bit on doing things for other people? You mentioned helping an old man with his groceries.

Let me tell you in all honesty -- one of the best things I ever did for my own mental health was to start doing some volunteer work. A soup kitchen, food bank, anything you can do where you spend your time helping other people and get a smile in return can do wonders for your soul, and perhaps make you a better person in the process. I got pretty heavily involved in the Toys for Tots program, and it is actually the highlight of the Christmas season for me now (though it takes a lot more work than just in December).

I joined my local American Legion and Marine Corps League. For the league, we've got a lot of older dudes, and some of them aren't in good health. Usually one or the other is in the hospital at some point, so I usually go try to drop by for a bit to see someone just once a week. Sit there, shoot the shit and exchange war stories, and make the man smile for a bit.

What have you got to lose?

My next step was to help others.

I do it to a fault already. I honestly felt pretty negative about giving my friend five bucks. It was literally a handout, he could be working, and it made our entire conversation seem phony.

But it is almost the next step.

1. Appeal financial aid and finish my last two classes.
2. Find new work so I can quit
3. Volunteer work

 

[The Human Q-Tip]

My next step was to help others.

I do it to a fault already. I honestly felt pretty negative about giving my friend five bucks. It was literally a handout, he could be working, and it made our entire conversation seem phony.

But it is almost the next step.

1. Appeal financial aid and finish my last two classes.
2. Find new work so I can quit
3. Volunteer work

Keep chugging along, dude. Every time you help someone genuinely in need of help, or even giving a few kind words to a stranger, is an opportunity to make yourself the kind of person who doesn't need that other shit.

 

[David.]

so i was forced to take an incomplete for a class, and unbeknownst to me this disallows you from using financial aid the next semester. Love it.

Went to financial aid office yesterday for clarification. My doctor wrote a note, very vague, about issues I had been experiencing. financial aid said its better to be honest about what actually happened and they generally always approve appeals. Makes sense, because it makes them dollars.

We're forced to write a page of extenuating circumstances and a plan on how we will progress.

Extenuating circumstances:


I have never been as close to anyone or anything as my dog. Last year, I watched her get hit by a car, limp over to me for help, and chew through my hand in confusion and pain before she died of heart failure. This was the start of a pretty significant downward spiral.


I was still stuck in bed two weeks later when the other half of my support system decided to cheat on me (girlfriend of two years).


During this stretch, I was doing everything I could to focus, learn, refocus and relearn material for class. I did well considering everything that was happening, but I overused a medication used for studying and became even more a mess.


There was a two month period where I was crashing each classes’ midterm material every week and taking an exam. I took an exam for cost accounting a week before the next cost exam was scheduled, and requested an extra week for preparation from professor Chan and was denied. My circumstances were not up to his snuff. He forced me to take an incomplete for the semester. This was probably the best decision, for my health, regardless of the professors actual reasoning.


I’ve been very lost for a year, and only a few months ago I really began working on my emotional and mental health. I understand that my doctor has written a note, which was very vague, and maybe I should have just played it safe and been brief about what I’ve been going through, but this feels more honest. I have issues paying attention, with chronic depression and stress management, and hypersensitivity (bipolar). I am not wired to be highly proficient in a classroom setting, but have always managed. I am a 3.0 student. The traumatic events were a catalyst to falling behind last year.


I would have performed fine even through these events, but I was disallowed from continuing cost accounting, and the professor has not been available over the summer (the time period in which I had planned to finish this class on my own time, per ‘incomplete class standards’). I can only pass the class if I can take it.


My plan for achievement is predicated less on an academic plan, but more towards the root of the problem, which is managing stress and emotions and focus. After a considerable amount of research, I developed a plan of being as active as possible (releasing dopamine) as social as possible in strictly healthy relationships (same) while practicing meditation and being altruistic (volunteer work and informal charity). These have been found to have been the leading contributors to a healthy mind.


I have adopted a beautiful puppy named Hannah, broke up with my ex, and am coming up on celebrating 2 months of sobriety. Every week I listen to other people who have been through painful stretches say very profound things that I can internalize. I still have panic attacks about things that have happened in the last year, but am able to relax and calm myself down. I am more in control of my emotions and more ok with accepting things I have no control over.


Today I feel better and more fulfilled than I have in a long time and that I have laid proper groundwork for continuing a positive path. I am the last to take anything lightly, especially schoolwork, but I am extremely confident in my continued success in academics and to finish out my last two classes before graduation.
[quote\]

 

[bornjoke]

This past 1.5 years has been a journey of self-discovery for myself. Broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years then had an emotional breakdown/quarterlife crisis when I realized I had no idea who I really was or what I wanted. Lived life as a walking persona of the people around me. Therapy really helped me but the only things that really truly healed me was time and myself. The only advice I can give you is to trust yourself. When people say 'try harder' and you feel like you are doing all you can, then you are. Beating yourself up and then feeling self-pity is a horrible cycle and gets you nowhere.

You seem like you are on the right path and are very self-aware. Just like me, this idea of mental health is new to you and will take time to become a stable part of your life. Continuing to journal and be open about what's going on in your head and in your heart will only lead to a calmer life. A book that helped me out was 'The Four Agreements' but it already seems like you have a couple of those lessons down from what Ive read (being honest with an ex without expecting anything back). That's huge progress.

I don't have any experience with addiction but I really do wish you the best and hope you find serenity.

 

[David.]

This past 1.5 years has been a journey of self-discovery for myself. Broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years then had an emotional breakdown/quarterlife crisis when I realized I had no idea who I really was or what I wanted. Lived life as a walking persona of the people around me. Therd me but the only things that really truly healed me was time and myself. The only advice I can give you is to trust yourself. When people say 'try harder' and you feel like you are doing all you can, then you are. Beating yourself up and then feeling self-pity is a horrible cycle and gets you nowhere.

You seem like you are on the right path and are very self-aware. Just like me, this idea of mental health is new to you and will take time to become a stable part of your life. Continuing to journal and be open about what's going on in your head and in your heart will only lead to a calmer life. A book that helped me out was 'The Four Agreements' but it already seems like you have a couple of those lessons down from what Ive read (being honest with an ex without expecting anything back). That's huge progress.

I don't have any experience with addiction but I really do wish you the best and hope you find serenity.

It's definitely a practice.. Keeping composure, working some particular Emotional muscles.

People with drug problems take the easy way out and escape it. I've seen a lot of 50 year olds with coping skills of a teen-ager because they've been using to deal with pain instead of earning rings on their trunk


Best two things I've done this week, were catching myself getting frustrated or negative and sometimes verbally telling myself to shut the fuck up. The other is catching negative thoughts and replacing with blatant positive ones like "you are awesome", which sounds silly but you believe it. More and more, because it's your internal dialogue.

That last one is from Tony Robbins thing on Netflix, which is an incredible watch.

 

[The Oi]

l The other is catching negative thoughts and replacing with blatant positive ones like "you are awesome", which sounds silly but you believe it. More and more, because it's your internal dialogue.

This works.

I've mentioned my epilepsy on here before and that my dad died when I was a kid. Death is a very real possibility and something thats always been in my sub-conscious and since my son came along creeps into my conscious thoughts quite often.

I had two seizures in the same day in May (day of game 2 of Raptors series) and I turned into a total basket case. I was having daily panic attacks. I had convinced myself I was having seizures literally 10-12 times a day.

Finally, I went to a psychiatrist and told her I was having what I thought were auras and they were bringing on multiple panic attacks per day. I was experiencing jamais vu (similar to deja vu, but the exact opposite). I wasn't seeing anything but I was feeling a sensation that was as if I'd seen a cloaked figure (presumably grim reaper) and it said the word "down." Like an obedience, loss of control type of thing.

As I described this to her, she asked me questions to determine whether I was hallucinating. We determined that I definitely wasn't. I never thought I was hallucinating because I never saw or heard anything. I just felt like what I'd feel like if I'd just seen that. Basically pure terror at something supernatural.

She told me to replace these thoughts with positive thoughts that whatever this thing was that rather than it being some malelovent being to picture it as being a friend that was telling to me lay down as a service. So that if I really was having a seizure, I could lay down so I wouldn't get hurt.

Then once I replaced this with an image of a friendly force, to gradually realize that no friend would show up 5-7 times a day lying to me about seizures I was never going to have.

This worked in literally a week.

I went from a complete basket case having daily panic attacks to borderline zen.

I have a great deal of control over my thoughts after that one conversation.

What @David. described is very powerful stuff.

I've taken this concept pretty far with myself and tried different angles to see what feels right. When the death thoughts creep in, sometimes I think to myself, "Yeah, you'll probably die. That sucks. But there isn't a goddamn thing you can do about it," and make myself laugh. And other times I'll tell myself, "You're a complete idiot for thinking you're going to die. You've thought this same thing and felt this same way hundreds of times and it's never happened. Breathe."

It works.

 

[David.]

This works.

I've mentioned my epilepsy on here before and that my dad died when I was a kid. Death is a very real possibility and something thats always been in my sub-conscious and since my son came along creeps into my conscious thoughts quite often.

I had two seizures in the same day in May (day of game 2 of Raptors series) and I turned into a total basket case. I was having daily panic attacks. I had convinced myself I was having seizures literally 10-12 times a day.

Finally, I went to a psychiatrist and told her I was having what I thought were auras and they were bringing on multiple panic attacks per day. I was feeling this sensation that felt like presque vu (similar to deja vu). I wasn't seeing anything but I was feeling a sensation that was as if I'd seen a cloaked figure (presumably grim reaper) and it said the word "down." Like an obedience, loss of control type of thing.

As I described this to her, she asked me questions to determine whether I was hallucinating. We determined that I definitely wasn't. I never thought I was hallucinating because I never saw or heard anything. I just felt like what I'd feel like if I'd just seen that. Basically pure terror at something supernatural.

She told me to replace these thoughts with positive thoughts that whatever this thing was that rather than it being some malelovent being to picture it as being a friend that was telling to me lay down as a service. So that if I really was having a seizure, I could lay down so I wouldn't get hurt.

Then once I replaced this with an image of a friendly force, to gradually realize that no friend would show up 5-7 times a day lying to me about seizures I was never going to have.

This worked in literally a week.

I went from a complete basket case having daily panic attacks to borderline zen.

I have a great deal of control over my thoughts after that one conversation.

What @David. described is very powerful stuff.

That's fucking terrifying.. I'm glad that worked for you..

Your mind is always just as strong as your mind. Wrestle around with that mental Chinese finger trap if you'd like

 

[The Oi]

That's fucking terrifying.. I'm glad that worked for you..

Your mind is always just as strong as your mind. Wrestle around with that mental Chinese finger trap if you'd like

Looking back on it, it was kind of fascinating.

Think about how deja vu is fascinating and difficult to explain to someone.

Look up presque vu and jamais vu. That month or so was me experiencing those episodes many times a day in kind of an alternating fashion with what felt like hallucinations of that grim reaper thing mixed in with the presque vu/jamais vu sensations.

It was like a living horror movie.

Jamais vu is really common with epilepsy and that sensation is what was causing the panic attacks.

Couple years ago on here there was a period where the phrases "waits patiently" and "upsweep" randomly came up on here and I mentioned that they were causing me to experience a strange sensation. I didn't know it then, but they were causing me to experience jamais vu. It was just me psyching myself out, but it's the exact same sensation I get before a seizure...which kind of sucks.

I'm honestly fascinated by my own condition. Learning as much as I can about it has made me feel more in control of it. To a certain extent, there are elements that make it terrifying (the reality of SUDEP is awful) but the brain is such a cool thing.

Maybe you could do the same thing with your condition. Then again, you likely already have.

 

[David.]

Looking back on it, it was kind of fascinating.

Think about how deja vu is fascinating and difficult to explain to someone.

Look up presque vu and jamais vu. This month or so was me experiencing those many times a day in kind of an alternating fashion with what felt like hallucinations mixed in.

It was like a living horror movie.

Jamais vu is really common with epilepsy and that sensation is what was causing the panic attacks.

I'm honestly fascinated by my own condition. Learning as much as I can about it has made me feel more in control of it. To a certain extent, there are elements that make it terrifying (the reality of SUDEP is awful) but the brain is such a cool thing.

Maybe you could do the same thing with your condition. Then again, you likely already have.

Mines just coping skills and emotional laziness.

Brain is crazy. It may not be our lifetime, but I have to imagine they'll be able to pinpoint stuff and fix everyone without side effect some day.

And fix meaning becoming superhuman. Or the best versions of ourselves we be at least, truly

 

[The Oi]

Mines just coping skills and emotional laziness.

Brain is crazy. It may not be our lifetime, but I have to imagine they'll be able to pinpoint stuff and fix everyone without side effect some day.

And fix meaning becoming superhuman. Or the best versions of ourselves we be at least, truly

@gourimoko

What makes one brain better than another?

 

[Lee]

My next step was to help others.

I do it to a fault already. I honestly felt pretty negative about giving my friend five bucks. It was literally a handout, he could be working, and it made our entire conversation seem phony.

But it is almost the next step.

1. Appeal financial aid and finish my last two classes.
2. Find new work so I can quit
3. Volunteer work

If you volunteerly quit then you can knock of 1 and 2.

 

[gourimoko]

@gourimoko

What makes one brain better than another?

It essentially boils down to exercise and muscle memory.. but I'll give you a more elaborate answer...

Some people might get a head start with respect to intelligence, or, they may have a better starting configuration (preferential initial conditions, so to speak); however, almost all human beings have the capacity to learn, process information, and become more efficient at problem solving over time and with practice.

The human brain is designed to learn and become more efficient with repetition. We develop neural pathways that allow us to more quickly process previously solved problem types.

This is actually quite similar to how a fully programmable gate array works in computing. The machine can be physically redesigned on-the-fly, to solve problems faster. Our brains work in a very similar manner.

So people who think they aren't and can't become smart, are just like people who think they can't lose weight. Assuming there is no impairment, disability or other impediment in play, then given enough exercise, diet, and willpower, they'll become what most people consider to be "smart." (which is silly, as intelligence can manifest itself in many different facets - it's really just the ability for the cognitive portion of the brain to function efficiently).

Nonetheless, people today have the belief that intelligence is fixed at birth, or genetic, or developed only during early childhood.

Modern science has demonstrated that such antiquated ideas are complete nonsense. Studies have shown people's IQ scores fluctuating by 20 points or more based on various experiences and relatively minor passages of time.

tl;dr, what makes for a good brain is how you put it to use. It's no different than the rest of your body.

 

[David.]

Attention thing has shored up.

In one day I met two girls on tinder that are legitimately interesting, and there are three more at the dog park.

I told one about drug issues. That was a first. Said she doesn't hold pasts against anyone.

If anything all of these people are a testament to getting better. Girls sense bullshit from a mile away. To have them ROMANTICALLY interested in you, and not in an unhealthy way (because they know you're going to screw them over, I.e.) is.. Different. And encouraging.

That's that gravity.

I am still worried that I will be unable to maintain interest for someone else. But can't worry about something you can't control, and you can't waste time with people that you know aren't right (like Madison, Carolyn, Megan.. 6 combined years lost)

I'm scared about Jail. I've been thinking too much about the wording of the lawyer. But at the same time, that foundation helps me. Theres nothing I can do about it. If it happens, Hannah goes on vacation and I go on a bad one, and then I'll be out. I'll read alot and work out. No point stressing about it. You tell yourself it won't happen and turn off the anxiety

I no longer have the luxury of not worrying about money. It's do or die time on considering my own business as I'm still flush with cash on paper.

That's something to worry about tomorrow, or after this semester.