Your 2018 record: 7-8-1. And now, ladies and gentlemen, a set-up … The Browns gave up on both Corey Coleman and Josh Gordon, trading them away. They fired the head coach before they even reached midseason, and dismissed their redass of an offensive coordinator too. To be interim head coach, they promoted a guy who is a disgraced bounty hunter, a
hilarious liar, and who
blames players for their own injuries. They had to cut their starting LB after he got caught doing
insider trading. They lost to the
Raiders, who are like the Browns now but louder. The world learned that
they once called Cameron Jordan to tell him they were drafting him when they meant to call Jordan Cameron instead (the former had already been drafted three rounds prior).
The set-up continues … The Browns were poised to beat a juggernaut Saints team, starring that same Cameron Jordan, only to be undone by their
idiot kicker. They could only salvage a tie with the hated Steelers in part because they got boned by the
roughing the passer rule and its illegalization of gravity. They got blown off by a hard-up
Dez Bryant looking for work. They lost four in a row at one point, including dropping one to the Bucs. Their O-line coach turned out to be a fucking
package store clerk. They leaked to Adam Schefter that they would try to interview
Condoleezza Rice for head coach (they then denied the report; Rice said she had no interest). Everyone got Tyrod Taylor’s name wrong. Isaiah Crowell, then a Jet, wiped his ass with the ball and then threw it at
their fans.
That was the set-up. Now for the punchline: This was best season the Browns have had in a dozen years. The standard for them is lower than the standard for Trump giving a speech after a hospital has exploded.