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It's ridiculously hard to makes friends as an adult

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Remember we had a poster named Heath a decade or so ago and he was pretty annoying …. @The Oi took him fishing once and basically snapped his neck…. Not sure if these are the friends you want ?

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AllforOne said:
This is solid advice right here. Dogs just naturally break down conversational barriers.
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Plus, plenty of people will just come up and talk to you at bars and what not if you've got a dog with you.

It drives the girl I'm dating nuts because no one ever asks to pet her dog, just mine. :chuckle:
 
I moved a lot so I know it can be hard to make friends. ~ 30 really was a cutoff point because people really restrict their time once they have families. It is tough.

Think "after school activities" but as an adult. You want to cast a smaller net IMO where you focus on things you are interested in.

Dating is a good way to make friends and hanging out with extra extroverted people helps people who are shy. Try to make friends with someone who "knows everyone". That is sort of abstract, but it has helped me even though I am extroverted.
 
I think the thread here is to join something.. can be softball league, can be a church family, could be habitat for humanity, a cycling club, take some classes.. anything but video gaming solo at home..

And reach out to people. Do some fun shit now and then.. if that does not work.. consider why that is.. perhaps you aren't comfortable in your neighborhood or something. The ask yourself where or under what circumstances are you relaxed..
 
If you’re in NEO, join a bowling league that’s marketed as a fun league. You will meet people, and as a single person, they will assign you a team.
 
CleveRocks said:
I think the thread here is to join something.. can be softball league, can be a church family, could be habitat for humanity, a cycling club, take some classes.. anything but video gaming solo at home..

And reach out to people. Do some fun shit now and then.. if that does not work.. consider why that is.. perhaps you aren't comfortable in your neighborhood or something. The ask yourself where or under what circumstances are you relaxed..
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Even video gaming can be a wonderful portal to new friends (I know you said solo as the bad example). Most of my adult friends are people I met through video games, or co-workers at one time.

The more things you're interested in and DO in life, the more opportunities you create for these moments. I was told when I was a kid that making friends is easy, maintaining the friendship takes work. It is literal work to keep in touch w/ people and for many of us, a post on a FB page doesn't really get it done anymore.
 
Wrathe said:
Even video gaming can be a wonderful portal to new friends (I know you said solo as the bad example). Most of my adult friends are people I met through video games, or co-workers at one time.

The more things you're interested in and DO in life, the more opportunities you create for these moments. I was told when I was a kid that making friends is easy, maintaining the friendship takes work. It is literal work to keep in touch w/ people and for many of us, a post on a FB page doesn't really get it done anymore.
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Even better than video gaming is tabletop RPG gaming, which my husband does a lot of. Most of his friends are through that. Requires more face to face interaction than video games.

You're also right about keeping in touch and how that takes effort. FB posts are another thing that just aren't the same as face to face interaction. Can't really maintain a relationship if you can't meet face to face. Husband and I may have initially met through an Internet friend via AIM in 2004, but then we met in person and continued meeting up in that fashion, and everything went from there.
 
Lots of great ideas in the thread. Mostly you need to be active and do things you enjoy out of the house. Meet enough people with similar interests and friendships are inevitable. But you have to put yourself out there and try to overcome shyness. If you don't, you can hardly expect to meet new friends easily.
Alcohol can help and hurt with this.
 
Wrathe said:
Even video gaming can be a wonderful portal to new friends (I know you said solo as the bad example). Most of my adult friends are people I met through video games, or co-workers at one time.

The more things you're interested in and DO in life, the more opportunities you create for these moments. I was told when I was a kid that making friends is easy, maintaining the friendship takes work. It is literal work to keep in touch w/ people and for many of us, a post on a FB page doesn't really get it done anymore.
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You are spot on.. the interesting dynamic of a generation raised on Video games is that relationships are more maintainable over time.. my youngest is still tight with his crew from cubscouts, and they are literally scattered all over the world..
 
KevinLoveFan said:
Even better than video gaming is tabletop RPG gaming, which my husband does a lot of. Most of his friends are through that. Requires more face to face interaction than video games.

You're also right about keeping in touch and how that takes effort. FB posts are another thing that just aren't the same as face to face interaction. Can't really maintain a relationship if you can't meet face to face. Husband and I may have initially met through an Internet friend via AIM in 2004, but then we met in person and continued meeting up in that fashion, and everything went from there.
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RPGs and board games in general have exploded because it is a context for small gathering.. As an OG avalon hill fan, I love to see it.. I Columbus there is a thing Colimbus Area Boardgaming Society.. prepandemic they would host shows for new games and trials.. I took my sons there in thier early teens and they both still play..
 
Yeah, it’s definitely a thing. I have a couple close friends and that’s about it. I didn’t make any in Florida or North Carolina, so it’s actually been nice moving home to Ohio (Columbus area) and being able to hang with them again.

But I haven’t made any actual friends since college, probably. I don’t even try though. My brother lives 20 minutes away. My best friend is in Cleveland along with my wife’s family. That’s enough interaction for me lol.
 
This is a great thread because I'm feeling the same way. I have a great group of friends from high school and we have a group chat that blows up all day everyday for 10 years. 3 of us live in town and 2 are in different states, but even the guys in town we rarely see each other because work/kids/family/etc.

I'm getting to the point that my kids are growing up and don't need me as much anymore. They work or have friends they want to be with and I am left either by myself or with 1 of my 3 kids. I'm going to have a lot more free time coming up where I had almost no time because of their activities.

I've struggled with making friends over the years. I always relied on my ex-wife to do that because she was so friendly. Now that I'm a single guy- it's on me to make friends and it's just not my comfort zone.

The theme is definitely get out of the house, get engaged in activities/volunteer/sports and see what happens. I have to push myself to do this but it's the right thing to do.
 
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