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The Pursuit of Happiness

Ohio

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Columbus would be where we move if we do come
back. Outside getting blasted and almost killed, those were some of the best years of my life too, living in that area. It’d all be about finding a job there. We’d be right by my brother and his family, a stones throw from her family in Cleveland, got plenty of friends in both cities.... lots of positives with the move back to Ohio. It’s almost like I know it’s what I need to do but my feet are just stuck in cement because I’m afraid of the job search and uprooting my life for the third time in 4 years....

But it might just be the thing to do. I don’t know the answer. Looking for any sort of clarity I guess thats why Im here.

Im at work or I’d reply to more posts but I appreciate everything guys.
The job market here is great. Can't imagine it'd be very difficult to find something.
 

CleveRocks

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Columbus would be where we move if we do come
back. Outside getting blasted and almost killed, those were some of the best years of my life too, living in that area. It’d all be about finding a job there. We’d be right by my brother and his family, a stones throw from her family in Cleveland, got plenty of friends in both cities.... lots of positives with the move back to Ohio. It’s almost like I know it’s what I need to do but my feet are just stuck in cement because I’m afraid of the job search and uprooting my life for the third time in 4 years....

But it might just be the thing to do. I don’t know the answer. Looking for any sort of clarity I guess thats why Im here.

Im at work or I’d reply to more posts but I appreciate everything guys.
For Jobs, Columbus is Hot, but for things to do and lifestyle, Cleveland.. better Art/ Museum's more colleges, more sports teams, better parks, more ethnic events, more diversity, The Lake.. if you can't find something you like to do in Cleveland, its your problem, not the city..

I live in Columbus, and it's a good place to raise kids. Downtown to Campus has transformed in the last five years.. if you are a hockey fan, buck nut or Soccer fan, its a solid choice.. but otherwise Cleveland.. IMHO..

My two cents..
 

Chris

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The job market here is great. Can't imagine it'd be very difficult to find something.
I’m barely qualified for shit though. Again, I’m the guy who never wanted to do anything but be a Marine, let my parents talk me into going to college where I had zero clue what I wanted to study, got a communications degree just because and honestly have just bounced from gig to gig here.

I’d do so much different if I could go back, but you can’t.
 

The Human Q-Tip

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I’m barely qualified for shit though. Again, I’m the guy who never wanted to do anything but be a Marine, let my parents talk me into going to college where I had zero clue what I wanted to study, got a communications degree just because and honestly have just bounced from gig to gig here.

I’d do so much different if I could go back, but you can’t.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I did go into the Marines, and kick myself in the ass on a fairly routine basis for getting out. So you're in really good company -- none of us can go back.
 

camakazee

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Hey guys.

Wanted to make this post for awhile now but couldn’t find the words. I wanted to maybe glean some insight from some of the life experiences here because I can’t be the only one ever gone through periods like this.

As many here know, I lost my job in Florida and moved to Charlotte with my long time girlfriend in 2018. It was either NC or Ohio; my parents are here along with some other relatives, her entire family and my brother are in Ohio. It was NC because she didn’t think she could teach in Ohio and would have to jump through a bunch of hoops, so we settled in Charlotte.

I struggled to find a job for awhile, whereas she found a teaching job easily. Eventually, I took a bottom of the barrel customer service gig with a top tier company, as the benefits were fantastic, with great tuition assistance if I decided to go back to school, and upwards movement was said to be pretty quick and easy here. Plus I really needed a job and it paid well enough to live comfortably.

First few months were okay but it quickly spiraled downhill at this gig. I loathe customer service- I ran sales in Florida and while I don’t love sales either it gave me autonomy to do things how I wanted as well as paid a ton of money. Here, I sit at a desk and talk to people all fucking day, deal with the scum of the earth, can barely take a shit without worrying about bring logged in, and upwards mobility happens but seems like much more of a long term prospect than I was sold on.

Long story short, I’m miserable at the job, I hate waking up, I hate coming in, I had some sort of anxiety/panic attack episode last week and now I’m seeing a doctor for anxiety which I’ve never ever had a history of. I dread work. It’s an awful existence. So that’s the part about work. I want to find another job, but as an idiot communications major who expected to be career military because that’s all I ever wanted to do... I’m not professionally prepared to find anything halfway decent it seems without acquiring further qualifications. I’ve been wanting to do an MBA, but that’s a long term thing and I can’t suffer here for years. Just can’t. Problem is they’ll pay for it- see the catch 22 here?

So work makes me miserable. My relationship with my girlfriend is strong but even outside of work I get little fulfillment. Really, WE get little fulfillment. We have no friends here. My family is still hours away, we see them here and there and have fun but we don’t know anybody in our immediate vicinity. All our friends are in Ohio. My best friend from my hometown who lived in Florida the last five years even moved back to Ohio recently. We just go to work, come home and hang out. Neither of us are happy.

So recently the girlfriend springs this idea on me that we move back to Ohio next year. Her rationale is we’re both unhappy, my brother and his family are there, her entire family is there with all our friends, and I hate my job here anyways. I was mad at first because it’s more stress on my plate when im ready to burst already... more i thought about it though the more it made sense. I love my parents but I am also very independent and dont need to be near them, I can make the drive down whenever I want whereas my girlfriend is very unhappy not being near her family. Obviously the main concern is executing another job search in Ohio...

Now I have all these variables, we’re both unhappy here, my job is excruciating, do we find a way to make it work in NC or just take another plunge and flee back to Ohio... what does any of this mean for me going back to get a Masters, etc...

Fuck this post got long. I’m sorry. Basically I’m a fucking anxiety ridden depressed piece of shit right now, trying to figure out... how the HELL do you find true happiness in life? I feel like I was there in college, even in Florida for a couple years... I miss that feeling. I want it back.

Appreciate any insight, as always.
First off, it's encouraging to see this post, reaching out to someone for anxiety, etc. You're actively seeking a solution which is important.

Secondly, whether you move or don't, quit the job. Even well paying jobs aren't a good enough reason to stay if it's making you that miserable. The anxiety heading into work is a clear indicator that you need to leave. If you can stomach getting back into sales (it's not for everyone), I'd recommend finding another sales role in Charlotte or Columbus. Not only is that a field that always has openings, but if you find the right organization you can see good movement. I've been in sales for just under a decade now and have been fortunate enough to work for two organizations, been promoted four times, and I'm now a director of sales & customer service (as a fellow comm. major!). If you can truly master sales you can become very valuable to a good organization.

As far as your relationship goes, it sounds like you two are supportive of one another and have open communication, which is great. My wife and I moved to Florida 8 years ago when we just started dating. We did long distance for close to a year and then she moved down shortly after. It was very difficult at first because we moved 1,000 miles away from everything and everyone we knew and making friends post-college is a lot more difficult than people let on. It takes time. Whether you two stay in Charlotte or not, make it a point to branch out more. We started kayaking, going to social events (work related and otherwise), taking cooking classes, and all sorts of other stupid stuff. But it helped us meet more people and find fun away from the couch and tv.

Lastly, some others made suggestions for books you can read. I just finished Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop and it's very helpful, especially when you're struggling. Ultimately, you're the only one that can "fix" your unhappiness. Best of luck!
 
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IWantAKouki

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For anxiety, all the typical healthy things really do help. Get enough sleep, exercise, eat healthy, limit alcohol, avoid nicotine, avoid caffeine, practice meditation or progressive relaxation. For me the biggest ones are exercising and not drinking.

I used to suffer from panic attacks regularly, and some form of social anxiety. These things really, really do help, and I do notice that when I get complacent on these things, anxiety can tend to creep back into my life.

I was also prescribed hydroxizine for anxiety and it helps, I take it when I anticipate anxiety triggers like public speaking, air travel, etc.

You could look into anti-depressants, some people love them, some don't...I did Zoloft for a year or so, I didn't really like it, though I never coupled it rigorously with the other healthy things like exercise.

At least you have strong support from your lady friend, that really helps, don't take that for granted.
 

Chris

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Just wanted to thank everyone for the insight in here. It’s been a struggle. Every day, really. I recently accepted that staying in my current position wasn’t worth it no matter what. My mental health is beginning to affect me physically, which isn’t acceptable. I want to feel good again.

Took a week long vacation in Ohio, relieved some stress, saw friends and family. But I’m back. Spent my weekend tweaking and updating my resume, and am going to start applying to jobs in both Ohio and here in Charlotte. I’ve also begun applying to some grad schools, as I’ve found some solid programs that I could afford even without any employer education assistance thus eliminating any need for me to remain in my current post.

As an aside, found out my cousin, whom I am very close with but lives in Cali, just accepted a position here in Charlotte. If we end up staying, that will be cool, but even if we leave to Ohio it’ll be neat being able to road trip for a weekend to hang rather than being on opposite coasts.

Anyway, I don’t expect anything to happen fast, but I’m putting the irons in the fire to do what I have to do to get my life back on track and really just get myself out of this shitty funk

I’m hoping that before we hit 2020 things are on the way up. That’s the goal.
 

Cassity14

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You and your girlfriend are lucky because you two can put yourself out there socially and still have great support systems to fall back on.

Use any of the million meetup resources around and get involved in some type of recreational sport, club, etc. Volunteer. Find a way to interact with people. That's how you develop friends.

Making friends as an adult definitely sucks by the way. I totally relate to that, but it's a vital skill that you'll be happy you've worked on.

I agree that continuing to look for jobs is a good idea. It may take a while for you to find one that fits you, but you never do if you don't look. Reading through the thread, it sounds like you've already done a good job of that.

Work fucking sucks, but it seems you've already even reconciled that to an extent, that will always be unavoidable. Obviously not to this degree, but nobody loves all of their job every single day. It's human nature.

What makes work sucking infinitely more bearable, however, is having things to do and look forward to outside of it. I'd focus a lot of energy on that right now.
 

Cavatt

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I've been finding that living as a single man away from home was really easy. Easy to make friends, not hard to take care of myself. As a family man with a young child, not having people around gets harder and harder. As you get into your 30's friends have much less time for you too, so while I still have plenty of friends, none of us have that time to spend like we used to.

Just point being that a strong community of people be they friends or family becomes more important, especially as you get older. Now I live 1000 miles from home and my kid only sees her grandparents and aunt and uncle a couple of times a year at best, while her cousin who is the same age, spends 2 days a week with my parents, which is good for her, and gives my brother a break.

I am way more pro-moving home than I was just a couple of years ago. I don't think anyone dies and says," I wish I had seen less of my family and friends", unless those are toxic relationships.
 

Phills14

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I've been busy the last few weeks and just saw this thread. There is a lot of great advice in here and hopefully @Chris you see something that makes sense for you/your girlfriend and your life together.

I don't have much to add beyond what has been said but I will say this. Be proactive in your life. Take control of the things you can control. If you don't like your job, do something about it. If you don't like the area you live in, do something about it. If you want to go back to school, do something about it. Whatever it is that you feel you need to change, take steps to make that change. Don't rush into it, make educated decisions but still make decisions. Don't sit back and complain about how things aren't getting better when you aren't taking any actions to make things better.

BTW- there are things in life you can't control, don't spend too much time thinking about them. Do you best to brush them off and move on to the things you can control.
 

Chris

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Good stuff. Started firing out applications last night. Like I said, I don’t need a job that I love doing. But my current job makes me physically ill. Literally. Not exaggerating. That tells me it’s time to get out, number one priority.
 

Cavatt

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Good stuff. Started firing out applications last night. Like I said, I don’t need a job that I love doing. But my current job makes me physically ill. Literally. Not exaggerating. That tells me it’s time to get out, number one priority.
Good for you. I do think if you have a job already, and are applying for jobs it makes it easier. People prefer to hire you because you are planning ahead when moving, than just showing up in a city and start looking I think.
 

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