Re: Welcome Dion Waiters
Really? I know of a G.O.A.T. contender that probably could've saved his rep if he let waiters talk for him for a span of a few weeks. Now said player is in permanent timeout.
Let's break it down:
I know of a G.O.A.T. contender
Let's assume he is using the GOAT acronym to stand for Greatest of all time, as opposed to God of all things or any other interpretation, as this pertains to sports. We'll also assume he's referring to the GOAT in basketball because an all-inclusive list would be far too hard to slim down. Now, since we're talking about a GOAT contender, we will also eliminate anyone who has finished their career, because they would no longer be contending for GOAT. They either are, or are not the goat. (Because there is no official consensus on the goat, people may argue between guys like Michael, Oscar, and Wilt being the best. Thus all of them could be considered contenders. We'll stick to a stricter interpretation of the word contender though, to help minimize the list. Also, in the entire context, it seems as if we are talking about someone who is currently active in the sport)
So we are alluding to either:
Kobe Bryant
Lebron James
Dwight Howard
Kevin Durant
Anthony Davis
I'm including Davis only because his professional ceiling is so unknown at this point, but outside of LeBron and Kobe, anyone else getting into the goat discussion on a national scale after the end of their careers is a longshot.
Moving on:
that probably could've saved his rep if he let waiters talk for him for a span of a few weeks.
So we have someone who's reputation took a hit over a period of time. Looking back at our list, let's evaluate each possibility to determine likelihood:
Kobe Bryant - Accused of rape in 2003, settled the case out of court, and issued an apology to his accuser without admitting guilt. Reprecussions: Lost a ton of endorsements, and public opinion of him tanked. Since then he's recouped many of those endorsements and national opinion on him has been significantly improved after winning a couple championships.
Final result: Unlikely would have been helped by Waiters coaching his PR spin
Lebron James - Left the Cleveland Cavaliers to join with the Miami Heat, and immediately after pledged to win upwards of 7 championships in Miami. The first year ended in defeat, and widespread mockery of Lebron, his ego, and his inability to perform well in the 4th quarter. Final result: He has since won a championship, his endorsements never waivered, and his national perception has been improving since the Miami championship, though it's widely accepted he's still a piece of shit in Cleveland.
As we are talking about Waiters talking on his behalf, Lebron's biggest mistake were his actions, though perhaps the argument could be made that a softspoken kid like Waiters wouldn't have had an ESPN special to announce leaving his team.
Final result: Though Lebron's national rep hasn't been significantly damaged, it's at least somewhat likely Keyzer was referring to him, as we're in Cleveland and we've been particularly hurt by Lebron's short-sighted actions.
Dwight Howard- While playing a game of "I love Orlando and never want to leave, but they need to trade me today or I'll fire the coach (or something like that), Dwight saw a persona that was almost pristine immediately go into the tank, and has become one of the greatest Twitter jokes of all time. After demanding to be traded, he signed an extension so that he woudn't be traded, and then apparently asked to be traded in the offseason after having the coach and GM fired.
He has finally been traded to the Lakers, though currently his rep is still somewhere near the toilet. There is no doubt that Dion Waiters speaking skills could have helped Dwight. Sarah Palin is better at constructing an argument than Howard is.
Final Result: Most likely.
Kevin Durant and Anthony Davis still have nearly pristine records, so we will scratch them from our list.
Moving on.
Now said player is in permanent timeout.
This is the twist in the statement. "permanent timeout" certainly sounds like a euphamism for being murdered, or being a teenager who got a shitty report card. As far as I know, none of our candidates have been killed, much less killed for their lack of Dion Waiter's oratory skills. But if we dig a little deeper, we can uncover the true meaning of this statement:
The decoded meaning of Keyzer's post:
Kobe Bryant's marriage to Vanessa Bryant: She filed for divorce a couple years back, but has not yet finalized the divorce, citing an attempt at reconcilliation. It's possible that she is in the seat of the negotiations, and Kobe is, indeed, in permanent timeout at his own house. Perhaps Waiters has a smooth way with the ladies, and if Kobe could add a little Dion to his dialouge, he'd be able to save his marriage and get out of the doghouse.
:detective
