@The Oi
Was going to edit this in, but, it turned into it's own post so...
When I say that I'm Catholic, I mean that I have enculturated the beliefs and practices of the Catholic tradition, that I am baptized and confirmed as a Catholic, and I'm generally in communion or in other words what I would call "grace" or "harmony" with the Church itself. I occasionally will practice the sacraments of confession, penance and reconciliation; I do pray when attending church or - to be perfectly honest - in times where I have been
completely distraught; I attend Mass on religious holidays; and I occasionally participate in the religious rituals of my Catholic tradition.
So.. why the
fuck would I do this if I also describe myself as being near that of a weak agnostic? Or as my colleagues would ask, "how can you be a scientist/logician/etc and also believe in God?"
(I don't consider myself any of those things, but within academia that's the tract that I was on; I didn't get my PhD so - I don't use the -ist terms that come with it).
So as someone who studied to become a physicist, particularly the study of astrophysics and cosmology; how can I also be "in communion" with the Church?
Well.. for starters; I don't know that there is or isn't a God. So I don't "believe" in a God insomuch as I don't disbelieve there is one either. I simply do not know; and I assert that anyone who claims they do know is very
likely either lying or is delusional. And that cuts both ways.
Now with respect to prayer, for me, as a somewhat weak agnostic; is more about introspection, meditation, and personal reflection rather than seeking a two-way conversation with an anthropomorphic deity.
So if you ask me when I pray do I think I'm talking to an old dude in the sky, my answer is no. But if you ask me does prayer help me psychologically, to both focus my thoughts and to simultaneously defocus others (or all of them); then the answer is yes, absolutely. In fact, I know of no other way to do this nor have I come across any other form of personal behavioral exercise that could replace meditation within my life experience.
With respect to confession; I think it is therapeutic. It is no different for me to speak to a priest about my sins than it would be for me to also speak to a psychiatrist about a potentially unethical act that I may have done in the past that is bothering me or hindering me from finding a feeling of stability in my own ethical self and ego.
Penance and reconciliation, ethically speaking, is merely the act of self-actualizing the ethical ramifications of sin, or unethical behavior, by bringing about a purification by ritual meditation, sacrifice, and commitment. There is a mathematical order to this that is genuinely remarkable, in that the individual is motivated to seek an ethical balance between past sin, present ethical state (between right and wrong), and future action.
That is to say, the sinner is compelled to not only meditate, or to pray, but to find within himself the driving force behind the behavior. Beyond that, to then to both consciously and unconsciously (through ritual repetitive chanting, prayer over long periods of time) attempt to address his own personal failings within his own ethical framework. Ultimately, a sacrifice of time, and often labor, is made to improve both the self and the outside world; or, in other words, to reconcile and bring balance back to the disturbed ethical state which came about as a result of individual, personal, unethical decisions.
Now, this can obviously go wrong if one substitutes what one believes to be the Church's ethics with one's own ethics without reconciling the two first (this happens quite a bit). But if a person is whole in their ethical
understanding of right and wrong (which does not come by default), then they themselves can and should be able to identify 'sin,' at least in my view, and in a healthy and harmless way.
So, I think you get where I'm going with this....
For me as a rational individual, the Church does not need to be rejected as an institution outright simply because it purports the existence of demons and cherubs waging some metaphysical conflict on my behalf. There is something to be found within these thousands of year old traditons that, I think, is difficult to replace. That is not to suggest that religion is required for morality or ethics; that's nonsense, in fact, the reverse is true. But that is to say that religion does serve a purpose within life, in that, it allows me a vehicle to explore the spiritual and metaphysical without reinventing the wheel myself.
In that, yes, I find the culture, traditions, structure, ritual and generalized belief system of the Church to be quite useful.
Hope this makes sense.